Greatest Film Scenes
and Moments

American Pie (1999)


Written by Tim Dirks

Title Screen
Movie Title/Year and Scene Descriptions

American Pie (1999)

In Paul Weitz' humorous teen sex farce and gross-out teen comedy (with the slogan: "You never forget your first slice!") - the film's title was derived from the question: "What exactly does third base feel like?" and the answer: "Like warm apple pie":

  • the opening scene of horny high-school teen Jim Levinstein (Jason Biggs) masturbating himself with a long athletic tube sock while watching scrambled porn on pay-TV, but was caught by both of his parents, who were shocked by the dialogue they were hearing from the TV: "Baby! Ride me like a pony!" and "Oh, spank my hairy ass!"
  • the scene of Jim's experimentation with the feel of warm, freshly-baked apple pie and being discovered pumping the pastry on the kitchen island by his stunned dad (Eugene Levy) - and his embarrassing excuse: ("It's not what it looks like"); their solution to cover up the damage: "Well....we'll just tell your mother that uh, that uh, we ate it all"
Experimentation with Apple Pie
  • the scene of Jim's awkward sex-education session with his well-meaning father, who offered a selection of dirty magazines and instructed him to go to the center section: "Well, you see the detail that, uh, that they go into in this picture here.... It almost looks like a tropical plant or something, underwater - thing"; his father also asked: "Do you know what a clitoris is?"; slightly later was another frank session about masturbation: "Jim, I want to talk about masturbation. Now, I just want you to know that it's - it's a perfectly normal, uh, thing. And I have to admit, uh, you know. I, uh, did a fair bit of masturbating when I was a little younger. I, uh, I used to call it 'stroking the salami'. Yeah, you know, 'pounding the ol' pud.' I never did it with baked goods, uh, but you know your Uncle Mort? He pets 'the one-eyed snake' five, six times a day. See, it's like, uh, practice for the big game. You see? And it's like, it's like, uh, banging a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game...What you want is, you want a partner to return the ball"
  • the scene of Vicky Lathum (Tara Reid) being given oral sex in her bedroom by her boyfriend Kevin Myers (Thomas Ian Nicholas), as she loudly yelled out: "I'm coming!" while her clueless father stood outside her door, shrugged his shoulders, and then continued downstairs
  • Jim's discussion with openly-sexual band camp geek and prom date Michelle Flaherty (Alyson Hannigan) who admitted: "This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy...What ? You don't think I know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is -- Sex Ed. So are we gonna screw soon, 'cause I'm gettin' kinda antsy"; during sex, she coerced him into wearing two condoms to desensitize him: "I don't want you coming so damn early this time...Come on. I saw you on the 'Net. Why do you think I accepted this date? You're a sure thing"
  • the shocking, squirm-inducing bedroom scene of Steve Stifler (Seann William Scott) about to make out with sophomore chick Sarah (Eden Riegel) - she was reluctant to have sex, telling him: "You know what ? I don't know if I want to be doing this....You know, like, if we hook up tonight, tomorrow I'll just be some girl you go tellin' all your friends about"; then, he chugged down a cup of brew (mixed with sperm deposited there by Kevin) and shortly later, he embarrassingly vomited up the entire contents of his stomach onto her (off-screen) - in the next scene, she screamed and fled down the stairs with stained clothes
  • Jim's online voyeuristic experience (and encounter) with foreign Czech exchange student Nadia (Shannon Elizabeth), who was using his bedroom, while he spied on her undressing and masturbating through a hidden video-camera at his friend's home, where Paul Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas) commented: "God bless the Internet"; a web-cam was broadcasting everything to the entire school, and although she was prepared to have sex with Jim, he prematurely ejaculated twice and became completely humiliated
"God Bless the Internet"
  • the seduction scene between Paul Finch and Stifler's mother Jeanine (Jennifer Coolidge), to the tune of The Graduate's theme song - "Mrs. Robinson" - Finch: "So, uh, would you object if I said that you were quite striking?" Jeanine: "Mr. Finch, are you trying to seduce me?" Finch: "Yes, ma'am, I am." (She dragged him over to the basement pool table for sex)

Jim Caught By Parents

Talks with Father

Vicky's "I'm Coming!"

Michelle's Story About Band Camp

Result of Stifler Drinking Sperm-Brew with Sarah

Seduction Scene With Stifler's Mother Jeanine


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