Greatest Film Scenes
and Moments

Vampire's Kiss (1988)


Written by Tim Dirks

Title Screen
Movie Title/Year and Scene Descriptions

Vampire's Kiss (1988)

In director Robert Bierman's modern comedic, over-the-top vampire film:

  • the psychiatric counseling scene of hotshot Manhattan yuppie literary agent Peter Loew (Nicolas Cage) speaking to his therapist Dr. Glaser (Elizabeth Ashley) about being aroused more by a bat than his date: "I brought this girl up to my place the other night. Really hot, you know. And we're on the bed. And suddenly, this bat comes swooping down out of nowhere...I'm fighting this bat off all alone and I'll be damned if I didn't get really turned on"
  • his fanatical and freaked-out outburst to Dr. Glaser about the stupidity of misfiling by his new office secretary Alva Restrepo (Maria Conchita Alonso): "How could somebody MISFILE something? What could be easier? It's all alphabetical. You just PUT it IN the right file according to ALPHABETICAL ORDER! You know - A, B, C, D, E, F, G...H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P...Q, R, S, T, U, V...W, X, Y, Z! Huh? That's ALL you have to DO!...I never misfiled ANYTHING! Not ONCE, not ONE TIME!...I wanna know really, WHO DID!"
  • the scene of a one-night stand, when Peter was bitten in the neck during love-making by vampirish Rachel (Jennifer Beals) - turning him into an over-the-top creature of the night and assuring him: "It's alright, it's alright. You chose me"
  • his abusive behavior towards Alva when he shouted and berated her for not doing her job productively: "Am I getting through to you, Alva?" - and then later, he again shouted at her when she suggested getting someone else to do her job and make it easier: "Alva, there is no one else in this entire office that I could possibly ask to share such a horrible job. You're the lowest on the totem pole here, Alva. The lowest. Do you realize that? Every other secretary who's been here has been here longer than you, Alva. Every one. And even if there was someone here who was here just one day longer than you, I still wouldn't ask that person to partake in such a miserable job as long as you were around. That's right, Alva. It's a horrible, horrible job. Sifting through old contract after old contract. I couldn't think of a more horrible job if I wanted to. And you have to do it. You have to. Or I'll fire you. Do you understand? Do you?"
  • the scene of Rachel's sexual domination of Peter when she forced him to profess his love for her: "I hate interrupted love affairs, don't you? How much nicer when the outside world doesn't interfere with the pleasure. You were so right to put yourself into my hands, Peter. The only one who can put you out of your misery. Tell me how much you love me, my angel. Whisper it to me. Just once. Please, just once. Oh, just once. I know you do. I can read your mind, my love. I can see it in your actions. You can't get through the day without thinking about me, can you? Tell me you love me. Tell me" - and then he uncovered his neck wound and permitted her to suck his blood
  • the scene of the crazed Peter grabbing and eating a live, squirming cockroach for breakfast
  • his continual harrassment of Alva, now in the backseat of a taxi-cab - when he told her: "It's horrible when there are tensions between employer and employee. Sometimes the pressures, you know, they just build up. Wait till you get into a position of authority....You will, Alva. You're a very bright girl. That's how I know that today, by God, is the day you're gonna find that damned Heatherton contract....The work's not just gonna go away, Alva. It never just 'goes away'. THE GODDAMN CONTRACT IS SOMEWHERE IN THOSE GODDAMN F--KING FILES!"
  • the scene of Peter - wearing fake teeth - phoning his therapist Dr. Glaser to make an appointment to see her - and then his catching and consumption of a live pigeon
  • the blind date scene, arranged by Dr. Glaser, between another patient named Sharon (Jessica Lundy) and Peter: "She complains of exactly the same thing you do and personality-wise, I think you two are made for each other. I should have matched you two up long ago" - Sharon described her interests to Peter: "I like poetry, horseback-riding, Vivaldi and long weekends in the country"
  • but then, Peter confessed to a few of his major issues, in his delusionary mind: "I did rape someone a couple of nights ago. A girl at the office. I just lost control....Well, the fact is I did murder someone last night. I turned into a vampire. It's a long story"; Dr. Glaser assured him: "Would you stop worrying and just get on with your big romance....Get out of here, the both of you. Have a wonderful life together and I will take care of the cops"
  • the conclusion in Peter's destroyed apartment (where he had converted his overturned sofa into a coffin-bed), when the hallucinatory Peter became extremely annoyed and mad at an imaginary Sharon for continually asking about his vampire transformation: "You don't let up, do you, c--t? You just keep harping and harping over the same goddam thing. 'Why did you become a vampire?' 'Why couldn't you be normal?' 'Peter, does this mean we can never have children?' ...'cause there's no way in hell that I would ever, ever marry a loud-mouth pig like you. In the ten minutes I'm with you and the s--t just starts right up. What? What? You hate my guts? You wanna go home? You wanna leave? Good. Fine. Get the hell out of here, you f--king pig! Leave me the f--k alone! I really can't handle these relationships. Maybe I should see a shrink" - he attempted to put a wooden stake through his own heart, and was assisted by Alva's enraged brother, who pushed the stake in further and brought on Peter's death


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