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Wedding Crashers (2005)


Written by Tim Dirks

Title Screen
Movie Title/Year and Scene Descriptions

Wedding Crashers (2005)

In director David Dobkin's R-rated romantic comedy:

  • a bawdy R-rated film about two intrepid Washington DC bachelors and lifelong friends John Beckwith (Owen Wilson) and Jeremy Grey (Vince Vaughn) who invited themselves to nuptial receptions to pick up on women and bridesmaids
  • Jeremy's fears of the 'perils of dating', after Janice (Stephanie Nevin) offered to set him up on a date: "I've got the perfect girl for you" - he responded: "Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced, awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering, 'Do I have food on my face? Am I eating? Am I talking too much? Are they talking enough? Am I interested? I'm not really interested. Should I play like I'm interested? But I'm not that interested, but I think she might be interested. But do I want to be interested? But now she's not interested.' So now, all of sudden I'm, I'm starting to get interested. And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door? 'Cause then it's awkward, it's like 'Well, good night.' Do you do like the ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this, and the ass sticks out because you're trying not to get too close. Or do you go right in and just kiss 'em on the lips or don't kiss 'em at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation and all the while, you're just really wondering, 'Are we gonna get hopped enough to make some bad decisions?' Perhaps play a little game called 'Just the Tip.' Just for a second, just to see how it feels, or 'Ouch Ouch, You're on My Hair.'... And thank you. Hey, Janice. Great talk"
  • the sped-up, raucous montage sequence of the two scammers seeking free love at various wedding receptions, and flopping around in bed with partly-clothed and naked women from the weddings - including Brunette (Rachel Sterling), Ivana (Ivana Bozilovic), Hindu woman (Naureen Zaim) and Vivian (Diora Baird), to the tune of the Isley Brothers' "Shout"
  • the objectives of their 'wedding crashing' - including two sisters: Claire Cleary (Rachel McAdams) (with a hotheaded, unfaithful boyfriend named Sack Lodge (Bradley Cooper)), and Claire's "stage-five virgin clinger" sister Gloria (Isla Fisher)
  • Jeremy's insistence to John, at the Cleary's wedding reception, that there were specific rules for 'crashing weddings' - there's no overtime and they had to leave right away: "John, this is completely against the rules. You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. There's no overtime" - they both argued: "You lock it up!"
  • the Cleary dinner table scene when Jeremy was touched in his crotch area (to bring him to orgasm) under the table by nymphomaniacal Gloria, as a serious discussion about venture capitalism was being conducted: "Well, there's the company that we have where we're taking the, the fur or the wool from sheep and we turn it into thread for homeless people to sew. And then they make it into cloth, which they in turn sew then, um, make some shirts and pants for other homeless people to sell. It's a pretty good deal"; Jeremy struggled to add that he was relieved: "People, people helping people... Terrific, it was terrific!"
  • the protective warning of presidential wannabe, William Cleary (Christopher Walken), the US Secretary of the Treasury, to Jeremy about his daughter: "You know, she's not just another notch on the old belt...I'm a very powerful man"
  • the racy scene of Jeremy being seduced by sexually-insatiable, and "social alcoholic" Kathleen "Kittycat" Cleary (Jane Seymour) - the socialite wife of William Clearly who requested that he personally rate her recent breast implants
  • the 'motorboating' scene, when John admitted: "Claire's mom just made me grab her hooters"; Jeremy tried to calm him: "Well, snap out of it! What? A hot, older woman made you feel her cans? Stop crying like a little girl...Why don't you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family and have some real problems? Jackass. What were they like, anyway? They look pretty good. Are they real? Are they built for speed or for comfort? What did you do with 'em? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? Ppppt! You motorboatin' son of a bitch. You old sailor, you!"
  • words of wisdom by Chazz Reinhold (Will Ferrell), Jeremy's former wedding crashing mentor (but who was still living with his mother), about how to pick up women - at funerals, where he met his latest female conquest: "I got her yesterday....I rode my bike over to a cemetery nearby. Her boyfriend just died...The dude died in a hang-gliding accident. What an idiot! Ha, ha, ha. 'Oh, I'm hang gliding! Honey, take a good picture... I'm dead!' Ha, ha. What a freak!...Yeah, I'll throw in a wedding every now and then, but funerals are insane! The chicks are so horny, it's not even fair. It's like fishing with dynamite....Yeah, crazy horny...Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac. Look it up"


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