Classic Comedies:

Funniest Movie
Moments and Scenes


P (continued)
Title Screen
Movie Title/Year and Scene Descriptions

Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987)

  • the comedic pairing of two mismatched individuals in many scenes during a busy Thanksgiving travel season and snowstorm: uptight, easily-annoyed Chicago marketing ad executive Neal Page (Steve Martin), and his boorish and undesirable traveling companion - buffoonish, shower curtain ring sales rep Del Griffith (John Candy)
  • their reunion at JFK airport after Neal accused Del of stealing his cab earlier in the day on Park Avenue; Del asserted: "I know you, don't I? I'm usually very good with names, but I'll be damned if I haven't forgotten yours"; Del made repeated but failed attempts to appease Neal with offers of "a nice hot dog and a beer... just a hot dog then... some coffee... milk...soda... some tea...Life Savers... Slurpee?" - and then Del ended the conversation with his amused realization: "I knew I knew ya!"
  • Neal's extended, confrontational, ill-fated Marathon rental car sequence with an incompetent rental car clerk-agent (Edie McClurg): ("You can give me a f--king automobile...I want a f--king car right f--king now...") - a one-minute scene of the exasperated Page releasing vitriolic criticism and rage by spouting off the "F" word over a dozen times (and ending with the bemused clerk's two-word retort about his thrown-away rental agreement: "You're f--ked!")
  • their sharing a grungy, cramped Wichita hotel room and sleeping in the same bed (and waking up cuddled and snuggling together) with Neal angrily telling Del his "other hand" was not between two pillows: ("Those aren't pillows!")
  • Page's raging monologue about Del's annoying habit of spouting anecdotes: ("Didn't you notice on the plane when you started talking, eventually I started reading the vomit bag? Didn't that give you some sort of clue, like maybe this guy is not enjoying it? You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle! Your stories have none of that. They're not even amusing accidentally! 'Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecodotes for ya. Oh and here's a gun so you can blow your brains out. You'll thank me for it.' I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days, I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They'd say: 'How can ya stand it?' I'd say, ''Cause I've been with Del Griffith. I can take anything.' You know what they'd say? They'd say, 'I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Whoa.' It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back - you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And by the way, you know, when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea - have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener!")
  • and then, Del's speech about judging others: ("You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me; I'm not changing. I like - I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get")

Play It Again, Sam (1972)

  • the character of Allan Felix (Woody Allen), a self-professed, depressed "aspirin junkie" ("Next thing, I'll be boiling the cotton at the top of the bottle to get the extra")
  • scene of the breakup of Allan and his wife Nancy (Susan Anspach) after two years of marriage because she was an active 'doer' and he was a passive 'watcher' - ("I can't stand the marriage. I don't find you any fun. I feel you suffocate me. I don't feel any rapport with you and I don't dig you physically. Oh, for God's sake, Allan, don't take it personal") and when she said she'd contact his lawyer, he responded: "I don't have a lawyer. Want to call my doctor?"
  • the cheesy, hard-boiled romantic advice given to recently-divorced, shy, insecure and neurotic loser Allan by the trench-coated ghost of Humphrey Bogart (flawlessly impersonated by Jerry Lacy): ("Tell her your life has changed since you met her"), who counseled Allan about being a desirable and virile man
  • Allan's Bogart-like words to himself, standing in front of a mirror before his blind date with Sharon (Mari Fletcher and Jennifer Salt): ("They say that dames are simple. I never met one who didn't understand a slap in the mouth or a slug from a .45. Come here, Sharon")
  • the physical comedy of all of nerdy Allan's disastrous and fumbling blind date scenes and rejections - when he was preparing for the date with Sharon and splashed on too much Canoe lotion and wrestled with his hair dryer, and especially the one in which he failed to impress her by attempting to be "cool", but ended up swinging his arm wildly - gesturing and sending an Oscar Peterson record out of its album cover to crash against the wall, and as he leaned over a chair, he clumsily tipped it over
  • another failed pickup at an art gallery when he asked Museum Girl (Diana Davila) about her interpretation of a Jackson Pollock painting: ("It restates the negativeness of the universe. The hideous lonely emptiness of existence. Nothingness. The predicament of Man forced to live in a barren, Godless eternity like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void with nothing but waste, horror and degradation, forming a useless bleak straitjacket in a black absurd cosmos"), and then when he asked what she was doing on Saturday night, she responded: "Committing suicide" - then undeterred, he asked about Friday night instead!
  • the continuing joke of Allan's friend Dick (Tony Roberts) leaving phone messages about his location (i.e., "This is Mr. Christie, I'm at The Hong Fat Noodle Company...")
  • the scene of a blonde Discotheque Girl (Susanne Zenor) on the dance floor, who rejected him with: "Get lost, worm!"
  • Bogart advising Allan to tell Linda (Diane Keaton): "I have met a lot of dames, but you are really something special" - and then when it worked, Allan cooed happily to Bogart: "She bought it!"
  • the scenes of Allan forcing a "platonic kiss" on Linda before she stormed out of his apartment, and later their apres-sex scene when he described what he thought about during love-making - baseball: (Linda: "What were you thinking about while we were doing it?" Allan: "Willie Mays...It keeps me going" Linda: "Yeah, I couldn't figure out why you kept yelling Slide!"
  • a clever re-enactment and reprise of the airport scene from Casablanca (between Rick and Ilsa) in the film's final moments when Allan gave up his beloved Linda, he was able to spout lines from his favorite film ("It's from Casablanca; I waited my whole life to say it"), and his added Bogart-like excuse: "She came over to babysit with me because I was lonely"

Police Academy (1984)

  • the embarrassing scene of Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris (G.W. Bailey) riding a tricked out motorcycle, and being propelled into the back end of a horse (off-screen)
  • the scene of a driving lesson, given by recruit Cadet Carey Mahoney (Steve Guttenberg) for Moses Hightower (Bubba Smith) before the next day's driving test exam - late at night, the two stole Cadet Chad Copeland's (Scott Thomson) compact car and ripped out the front seats (to sit in the back), immediately rear-ended another vehicle (Mahoney: "You didn't hit the brake" Hightower: "You didn't tell me to"), and then became involved in a chase with a police cruiser - bringing the car back wrecked
  • the scene of defensive training when female blonde Sgt. Debbie Callahan (Leslie Easterbrook) floored one of the recruits and sat on his neck with her thighs, and then asked for the next volunteer: "Who's next?" - and all the other recruits raised their hands
  • the infamous podium fellatio scene - in which Cmndt. Eric Lassard (George Gaynes) delivered a speech to VIP dignitaries, while a hooker (appropriately cast porn star Georgina Spelvin) and cadet Mahoney hid inside the podium - during the speech ("I think you'll find the presentation interesting as well as very stimulating!" - followed by the sound of his zipper being unzipped), Lassard showed facial signs of being pleasured, with contortions, distorted speech, groans and moans: ("Now, this first SLIIIDE shows a very, very interesting thing: our main building. In slide TWO! We see another view of IT! Oh, my God, you wouldn't believe it!"), and when he finished the delivery, he summarized: "Well, I hope this was as much fun for you as it was for me"; as he walked away from the podium, Lassard saw Mahoney, not the hooker, emerge from beneath the podium: (Mahoney: (smiling and delivering the deadpan line) "Good speech")

Porky's (1982)

  • the "Peeping Tom" girls' shower-room scene, in which one of the teens exclaimed after viewing through a peep-hole: ("I've never seen so much wool! You could knit a sweater" and "Jesus Christ, it's the mother-lode!")
  • the discovery of the ogling boys by the towel-clad girls
  • Tommy's (Wyatt Knight) placing of his male organ through the spyhole and gym coach Ms. Beulah Balbricker's (Nancy Parsons) painful two-handed grab
  • the infamous scene of turned-on gym teacher Ms. Honeywell (Kim Cattrall) (nicknamed "Lassie") in the boys' locker-room love scene, revealing the reason for her nickname --when her skirt was pulled off and she was in the midst of love-making with one of the male coaches, she let out a loud, shrill dog-howl

Postcards From the Edge (1990)

  • the many funny wry responses by cocaine-addicted film actress/daughter Suzanne Vale (Meryl Streep) - i.e., when told she wanted too much instant gratification, she muttered: "Instant gratification takes too long"
  • Suzanne's dream while having her stomach pumped of walking down a corridor with large photos of celebrities who had died of drug abuse - and Nancy Reagan walking towards her mouthing: "No!"
  • the character of Suzanne's domineering and pushy stage mother - an aging star and heavy drinker named Doris Mann (Shirley MacLaine) and her famous show-stopping version of the Sondheim song "I'm Still Here"at a Christmas party
  • also the tragically funny story of Doris ruining daughter Suzanne's 17th birthday
  • the blue-screen image of Suzanne as a uniformed cop on a movie set, hanging by her fingertips from a building's edge - and when she released her hands, but didn't fall

The Princess Bride (1987)

  • the film's sly parody of the subgenre of fantasy-adventure films
  • the scenes of the Grandfather (Peter Falk) telling sick and bedridden 10 year old Grandson (Fred Savage) about the story (from the S. Morgenstern novel The Princess Bride) of the heroic noble knight (farm boy Westley played by Cary Elwes) saving his beautiful fair-haired princess-lover Buttercup (Robin Wright Penn) from evil fiancee Prince Humperdink (Chris Sarandon)
  • the storyteller's regaling about the swashbuckling, chatty cliff-top duel between caricatured drunken Spanish master swordsman Inigo Montoya (Mandy Patinkin) and the mysterious masked Man in Black named Dread Pirate Roberts (Cary Elwes - Westley in disguise) - with clever-thinking Inigo's switch of his sword from his left hand to his better right hand: ("I am not left-handed") and the Man in Black's reply: "I'm not left-handed either..."
  • the dreaded 'Fire Swamp' (with giant rodents and quicksand)
  • the irrascible, Jewish couple: exiled, cynical magician 'Miracle Max' (Billy Crystal) and his screeching wife Valerie (Carol Kane), and Max's famous lines: ("Have fun storming the castle!" and "He's only mostly dead!")
  • the wine-poisoning "battle-of-wits" death scene in which brilliant Sicilian kidnapper and self-described 'genius' Vizzini (Wallace Shawn) was given a choice between drinking from two wine goblets by black-masked and garbed Westley/Dread Pirate Robert (Cary Elwes) -- one of which contained an odorless but deadly iocaine powder - in a contest to decide the fate of kidnapped Princess Bride/Buttercup; although Vizzini cleverly switched the goblets, thinking he could fool Westley when his back was turned, it was in vain, however, since the black-garbed man dosed both drinks (he was immune to the killer powder); while Vizzini laughed about his cleverness and explained: "You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders!" - he fell over dead in the middle of a boisterous laugh
  • Inigo's vengeful quote to six-fingered Count Tyrone Rugen (Christopher Guest): ("Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die")
  • the fairytale ending with a successful rescue and romantic kiss, described by the Grandfather as: ("Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind -- THE END")
  • the Grandson's bedtime request to have the story read again the next day - and the Grandfather's reply: "As you wish"

Private Benjamin (1980)

  • the character of pampered, naive, suburban rich girl-princess-socialite Judy Benjamin (Best Actress-nominated Goldie Hawn), who randomly joined the Army after her husband Yale (Albert Brooks) died in bed on her wedding night
  • as a Private, her hysterically-clueless complaints to her harsh, strict commanding officer Capt. Doreen Lewis (Oscar-nominated Eileen Brennan) that she was in the wrong place: ("See, I did join the Army, but I joined a different Army. I joined the one with the condos and the private rooms...To be truthful with you, I can't sleep in a room with 20 strangers...And I mean look at this place. The army couldn't afford drapes? I'll be up at the crack of dawn here!")
  • Lewis' response to Pvt. Benjamin's complaints about the dirty bathroom -- forcing her to scrub them with only her electric tooth-brush
  • the practical joke revenge against Lewis - blue dye in the shower nozzle, forcing her to wear clown-white makeup during the enlisted soldier graduation
  • Benjamin's single-handed capture of the entire Red team in an Army training exercise
  • her rebuffing of a General's sexual advances
  • her marriage over the Army's objections to French artist Henri Alan Tremont (Armand Assante in his first major film role)
  • the famous closing long shot of Pvt. Benjamin walking away from the altar in her wedding dress when she discovered Henri's male chauvinism and unfaithfulness with his ex-lover

The Producers (1968)

  • the early sequence of cash-hungry, has-been Broadway producer Max Bialystock's (Zero Mostel) romancing of rich little old ladies for their money during a high energy, hysterical opening credits sequence ("Don't forget the check-y! Can't produce plays without check-y") in which Max played ridiculous sex games (like "The Countess and the Chauffeur") with a spry Old Lady (85-year-old Estelle Winwood) who came to his door and requested: "Hold me, touch me"
  • Max's unsuccessful attempts to calm his timid, meek and neurotic accountant Leo Bloom's (Gene Wilder) hysteria: ("I'm hysterical and I'm wet. I'm in pain and I'm wet, and I'm still hysterical"), and his need for a blue security blanket ("It's a minor compulsion. I can deal with it if I want to. It's just that I've had it ever since I was a baby and, and I find it very comforting")
  • Max's rascally scheme or plan, after an off-handed suggestion by Leo who was musing about using 'creative accounting' techniques: "But under the right circumstances, a producer could make more money with a flop than he could with a hit...You simply raise more money than you really need" - Max made a decision to purposely over-finance a "sure-fire flop" play
  • their promenade through the park (riding a carousel and renting a boat) - with the eruption of Lincoln Center's fountain, as Leo joyously danced and shouted that he would join Max: "I'm a nothing. I spend my life counting other people's money. People I'm smarter than. Better than! I want... I want...I want everything I've ever seen in the movies!...I'll do it! By God, I'll do it!"
  • the funny "concierge" sequence: Max and Leo (seeking a Nazi playwright named Franz Liebkind, see below) were confronted by an apartment building's self-proclaimed "Concierge" (Madlyn Cates) who stuck her head out of a ground-floor window and questioned their entrance: "Who do ya want? Nobody gets in the building unless I know who they want. I'm the concierge. My husband used to be the concierge, but he's dead. Now I'm the concierge...Oh, the Kraut! He's on the top floor, Apartment 23...But ya won't find him there. He's up on the roof with his boids. He keeps boids. Dirty, disgusting, filthy, lice-ridden boids. You used to be able to sit out on the stoop like a person. Not anymore! No, sir! Boids! Ya get my drift?...I'm not a madam! I'm a concierge!"
  • Max and Leo's meeting with insane, goose-stepping, ex-Nazi "kraut," WWII helmet-wearing Franz Liebkind (Kenneth Mars), a playwright who sang German anthems, and spoke glowingly about his Fuhrer: "Hitler, there was a painter. He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon! Two coats!"
  • Max's hiring of a "toy" -- a blonde, buxom, hip-swinging, va-va-voom Swedish-speaking, sexpot secretary Ulla (Lee Meredith) whose "work" consisted of go-go dancing for Max
  • their recruitment of pompous, flamboyant, cross-dressing (transvestite), gay director Roger DeBris (Christopher Hewett) and his assistant/lover Carmen Ghia (Andreas Voutsinas)
  • the extensive auditions for their overfinanced play Springtime for Hitler with deranged, middle-aged hippie actor Lorenzo St. Du Bois "L.S.D."'s (Dick Shawn) audition featuring the pathetic flower child love song "Love Power"
  • the premiere of the outrageous, outlandish and distasteful musical - with the opening, satirical title number Springtime for Hitler, complete with a goose-stepping, black-booted Nazi chorus (a parody of the Busby Berkeley style in a revolving swastika formation from overhead) that sang and danced (with the lyrics: "Don't be stupid, be a smarty, Come and join the Nazi party!"), and accompanied with gunshot sounds!
  • the character of Hitler played by spaced-out, adult flower child LSD
  • the initial joy of Leo and Max (believing that they had produced their "sure-fire flop" on Broadway) when they overheard a female patron exiting the play while exclaiming: "Well, talk about bad taste!", and the slow-panning reaction shots of the horrified audience members gasping at the Broadway musical play
  • the resultant panic of Leo and Max realizing that their flop will actually be a big hit when they were toasting the failure in a nearby bar, and heard theatregoers during the intermission proclaiming the play a real success: "Well, so far that's about the funniest thing I've ever seen on Broadway"
  • the scene of a bandaged Leo's court defense of Franz (mummified) and Max (with his hand in a cast sporting an upraised middle finger) when charged with fraud - for conspiring to blow up the theatre to end their production of Springtime For Hitler: "Max Bialystock is the most selfish man I ever met in my life...Not only is he a liar and a cheat and a scoundrel and a crook, who has taken money from little old ladies, but he's also talked people into doing things, especially me, that they would never in a thousand years have dreamed of doing. But, your Honor, as I understand it, the law was created to protect people from being wronged. Your Honor, whom has Max Bialystock wronged? I mean, whom has he really hurt? Not me. Not me. I was... this man. No one ever called me Leo before. I mean, I know it's not a big legal point, but even in kindergarten, they used to call me Bloom. I never sang a song before. I mean with someone else. I never sang a song with someone else before. This man, this man, this is a wonderful man. He made me what I am today. He did. And what of the dear ladies? What would their lives have been without Max Bialystock? Max Bialystock who made them feel young and attractive and wanted again? That's all that I have to say"
  • after being sentenced for 2-5 years in a state penitentiary, Leo's and Max's similarly fraudulent production of Prisoners of Love in prison; Leo was accepting payments for 'shares' of the show from other convicts (and even the warden), while Max was bellowing during dance rehearsal: ("Sing it out, men! Higher, you animals, higher! We open in Leavenworth Saturday night!")

Pulp Fiction (1994)

  • the casual conversation between two low-life, black-clad hit men Vincent Vega (Oscar-nominated John Travolta) and Jules Winnfield (Samuel L. Jackson) about the strange names given to Parisian McDonald's menu items such as a Quarter Pounder with cheese ("a Royale with cheese") and a Big Mac ("Le Big Mac")
  • the black comedy of the execution scene, when Jules - with a .45 automatic weapon - threatened a smart preppy named Brett (Frank Whaley); he savagely asked questions of the terrified Brett sitting at the table who couldn't talk his way out of his dilemma about his betrayal of Jules' business-gangster partner Marsellus Wallace (Ving Rhames); Jules Winnfield delivered his oft-repeated Old Testament Bible Ezekiel 25:17 quote before the inevitable execution
  • the absurdist conversation in the early morning in the Toluca Lake home of Jules' friend Jimmie (director Quentin Tarantino) after Jules and Vincent had bloodied the towels in his bathroom while washing their blood-soaked hands; after they had arrived and parked the car in Jimmie's garage, he was dismayed by the bloody car and victim Marvin's corpse; in the kitchen, Jules was deflecting the serious situation by complimenting Jimmie on his coffee: "This some serious gourmet s--t. Me and Vincent would have been satisfied with some freeze-dried Taster's Choice"; whiny and anxious Jimmie didn't want to talk about the quality of the coffee: "It's the dead nigger in my garage"; he petulantly added: "When you came pullin' in here, did you notice the sign on the front of my house that said, 'Dead Nigger Storage'?"; Jimmie feared that if his wife Bonnie (working the graveyard shift at the hospital) found out what they were doing there, he would reluctantly be forced to get a divorce

Greatest Funniest Movie Moments and Scenes
(alphabetical order, by film title)
Intro | A1 | A2 | B1 | B2 | C | D | E-F | G | H-I | J-K-L
M1 | M2 | N-O | P1 | P2 | Q-R | S1 | S2 | T | U-V-W-X-Y-Z

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