Classic Comedies:

Funniest Movie
Moments and Scenes


Q-R



Q
R
Title Screen
Movie Title/Year and Scene Descriptions
Screenshots

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

  • 1930s archaeology professor Indiana Jones' (Harrison Ford) signature image: a brown leather flight jacket, a bullwhip and a snappy fedora
  • the stimulating opening sequence in a booby-trapped jungle cave (the "Give me the whip" and "Throw me the idol" moment and the fate of traitorous Satipo) (Indy retorted: "Adios, estupido"); the sequence also featured an immense rolling boulder (and Indy's dash away from it)

Fate of Satipo
("Adios, estupido")

Boulder

Pursuit by the Hovito
  • Indy's pursuit by a tribe of Hovito cannibals in a tropical setting toward an awaiting escape plane, where he first exhibited his fear of snakes to the pilot: "I hate snakes, Jock. I hate 'em"
  • his casual and calm execution (with one shot from a gun) of a massive, menacing, black-garbed, Arabian swordsman (stuntman Terry Richards) exhibiting spectacular swordsplay in a bazaar
  • Indy's piteously fearful and weary sigh when he realized he would have to descend into a pit of asps and cobras at the ancient tomb - The Well of Souls: "Snakes. Why'd it hafta be snakes?"
  • the scene of partner/ex-girlfriend Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen) nursing a badly wounded Indiana, who complained of pain when she tried to apply ointment; she reminded him: "You're not the man I knew ten years ago" to which he replied, famously about his prowess: "It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage"

"I hate snakes, Jock. I hate 'em"

Indy's Gun vs. Arab's Sword

Looking into the Well of Souls: "Snakes. Why'd it hafta be snakes?"

"You're not the man I knew 10 years ago"

Raising Arizona (1987)

  • the eleven-minute opening sequence (before the credits) of the first meetings between the two protagonists during multiple returns to prison: hapless petty crook H. I. McDunnough (Nicolas Cage) and female police officer and photographer Edwina or "Ed" (Holly Hunter), who kept telling him to "Turn to the right"
  • their quick courtship/marriage, followed by HI's off-screen narration about the loss of their happy "salad days" in a desert trailer with the news of distraught Edwina's barren infertility: ("Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase")
  • the birth of the Arizona quints and the childless couple's decision to execute a kidnapping of one of the Arizona quintuplets fathered by shady unpainted-furniture salesman magnate Nathan Arizona Sr. (Trey Wilson) when they discovered that they couldn't adopt due to his criminal record: ("Biology and the prejudices of others conspired to keep us childless")
  • the actual scene of the madcap kidnapping of 'Nathan Jr.' in the nursery, and the young boy's delivery to Edwina as HI tossed her Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care book ("Here's the instructions")
  • the arrival in the middle of the night of the crude duo of H.I.'s two disreputable, loud, slobbish, ex-con cellmates - fugitive buddies and brothers Gale and Evelle Snoats (John Goodman and William Forsythe) who used HI's place as a hideout (and later kidnapped the baby!)
  • the sequence of one of H.I.'s sweaty fever dreams - the entrance of a frightening, menacing and diabolical character -- a supernatural, heavily-armed "the Lone Biker of the Apocalypse" bounty hunter Leonard Smalls (Randall 'Tex' Cobb)
  • the slapstick near-disastrous, brilliantly-timed convenience store robbery to steal Huggies diapers in which H.I. (with a panty hose stocking over his head) robbed the store of its cash -- along with a large pack of Huggies diapers: ("I'll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash ya got... And make it quick, I'm in dutch with the wife") - and the hysterical, deadpan one-liner by a hayseed hick (John O'Donnal) in a pickup truck when H.I. tried to commandeer it: "Son, you've got a panty on your head"
  • also the hilarious scene the morning after the crime of unfinished-furniture magnate/father Nathan Arizona Sr. being questioned by the press, cops, and the FBI while being fingerprinted: ("Damn it, are you boys gonna chase down yer leads, or you gonna sit around drinkin' coffee in the one house in the state where I know my boy ain't at?!")
  • the frenetic chase through an Arizona town by all the interested parties pursuing the baby - and the final battle between a vastly overmatched H.I. and Leonard -- H.I. killed him by accidentally pulling a pin from Leonard's grenade bandolero, and blowing him to pieces
  • the scene of the return of the baby to the nursery, where Nathan Arizona, Sr., confronted them; although offered a reward (or furniture) for eliminating Leonard Smalls, they declined: ("We don't want no reward. We didn't bring him back for money"); after they admitted their crime and explained all the circumstances: ("We both did it. We didn't wanna hurt him any. l just wanted to be a mama. lt wasn't for money or nothin'. We just figured you had more than you could handle baby-wise"), they were forgiven ("Nobody's gonna call the authorities if there's no harm done...You brought back my boy, so you must have your good points, too."); as they parted, Nathan Sr. suggested that the young couple still stay together ("And, uh, before you go off and do another foolish thing, like bustin' up, l suggest you sleep on it. At least one night")
  • H.I.'s concluding dream fantasy of the future, and his envisioning of his future life with Edwina, dreaming of them living happily as an older couple - the parents of well-adjusted children who had children of their own: ("That night I had a dream. I dreamt I was as light as the ether, a floatin' spirit visiting things to come. The shades and shadows of the people in my life wrassled their way into my slumber... But still I hadn't dreamt nothin' about me 'n Ed, until the end. And this was cloudier, 'cause it was years, years away. But I saw an old couple bein' visited by their children, and all their grandchildren too. The old couple wasn't screwed up, and neither were their kids or their grandkids... And I don't know. You tell me. This whole dream, was it wishful thinking? Was I just fleein' reality, like I know I'm liable to do? But me'n Ed, we can be good, too... and it seemed real. It seemed like us. And it seemed like, well... our home...")













The Return of the Living Dead (1985)

  • the shocking discovery by inept medical supply warehouse workers Frank (James Karen) and Freddy (Thom Mathews), after releasing toxic gas, that they had reanimated a dead dog, and a human cadaver within a meat locker, with Frank's phone call to his boss Burt Wilson (Clu Galagher) with an understatement: ("Burt, Frank. We have a little problem")
  • the attempt to saw off the head of a zombie when a blow to the head with a pick axe didn't kill it - although the headless body still attacked, and Burt suggested that they had to destroy and burn the body: "We just got to destroy it completely until there's nothing left...Sulphuric acid maybe. No, no. Aqua regia, that's stronger"
  • Freddy's girlfriend Tina's (Beverly Randolph) assault in the basement by one of the zombies, a half-melted black corpse named Tarman, who kept crying out in a deep voice: "Brains!..More Brains! Live Brains!"
  • the scene of the 1/2 woman corpse being asked why she ate humans (their brains only), and her responses: "The pain of being DEAD!...I can feel myself rot....It makes the pain, go away!"
  • the graveyard scene in which Trash (Linnea Quigley) began describing to Spider (Miguel A. Núñez Jr.) the most horrible way to die, as she began to rub her hands all over her own body: ("Do you ever fantasize about being killed? Do you ever wonder about all the different ways of dying, you know, violently? And wonder, like, what would be the most horrible way to die?...Mmm. Well for me, the worst way would be for a bunch of old men to get around me, and start biting and eating me alive....First, they would tear off my clothes..."), slightly before she was surrounded by a horde of zombies and killed in the way she had envisioned
  • and after a group of zombies killed some cops, one of them used the ambulance's dispatch radio to request: "Send... more... cops"
  • and the similar scene of another zombie calling dispatch and ordering: "Send...more...paramedics"







Risky Business (1983)

  • Joel's cool Ray-Ban sunglasses
  • the opening fantasy-dream sequence in which Chicago suburbia-dwelling, college-bound high schooler Joel Goodson (Tom Cruise) saw a strange young girl (Francine Locke credited as "Shower Girl") soaping up in a steamy shower in his neighbor's house - and her non-chalant request: "I want you to wash my back" - making him three hours late for his College Boards tests
  • the famed scene of his floor-sliding entrance into the living room while solo dancing and wearing white socks, a pink-striped shirt, and tight underwear, and lip-synching to the tune of Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock & Roll"
  • Miles' (Curtis Armstrong) repeated advice to Joel when his parents were away: "Sometimes you gotta say, 'What the f-k.' Make your move....Every now and then say, 'What the f--k.' What the f--k gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future"
  • Joel's successful dealing in "human fulfillment" and free enterprise in the extracurricular Future Enterprisers organization


Road to Morocco (1942)

In director David Butler's comedy musical, the third in a long series of "Road to..." films - and the funniest:

  • after their freighter Star of Capetown mysteriously exploded off the coast of North Africa, two stowaways - Geoffrey "Jeff" Peters (Bing Crosby) and Orville 'Turkey' Jackson (Bob Hope) - drifted on a makeshift raft; Jeff mentioned the real cause of the disaster: "Wait till they find out who was smokin' in the powder room" (a foreshadowing of the film's similar ending)
  • the recurring instances of Bob Hope appearing in drag, through superimposition, as the heavenly ghost of Orville's harp-wielding Aunt Lucy
"Aunt Lucy"

Orville's Locket

Aunt Lucy Reprimanding Jeff For Selling Orville

Reprimanding Orville for Fooling Jeff
  • they ended up in the North African desert (Orville joked: "This must be the place where they empty all the old hourglasses") riding a two-humped camel while singing the title song 'Road to Morocco' (some of the lyrics: "Where are we goin'? Why we're goin'? How can we be sure? I'll lay you 8 to 5 that we meet Dorothy Lamour, Off on the road to Morocco, Hang on till the end of the line...For any villains we may meet, we haven't any fears, Paramount will protect us, 'cause we're signed for five more years")
  • once in Morocco, to acquire money, Jeff sold Orville into slavery for 2,500 kolacs (or "200 federal diplomas") (Orville complained: "Do you know why they buy guys in a country like this? For slaves! They hit you with whips, they put you to pickin' cotton, they beat you"), and he was taken away by his Arabian owner (Dan Seymour); later, Jeff was reprimanded in his dreamby a distressed Aunt Lucy: ("You're a naughty, naughty boy. You shouldn't have done that wicked thing to little Orville. You must find him, Geoffrey. You must find him at once and bring him back")
  • Orville floated a note down (with his 'Aunt Lucy' locket) to Jeff from a palace wall, informing him that he was being "tortured" - he advised Jeff to flee: ("Dear Jeff: Flea for your life before it is too late. You can't do anything for me now. If you stick around, you will only get us both into trouble, maybe killed. 'Leave the country and forget you ever knew me. 'Say nothin' to nobody about this. Flea! Flea! Respectfully yours, Turkey Jackson. P.S. I am being tortured day and night. Flea! F-L-E-A'')
  • Jeff located Orville inside the palace, where he was costumed like a prince and being romanced by Arabian Princess Shalmar (Dorothy Lamour) of Karameesh; he criticized his pal for betrayal: "Why you dirty, double-crossing hoarder you!...Why you dirty, underhanded sickle-snoot!"; she asked Orville if he knew Jeff - and was told: "Well, I used to, but I kinda outgrew him. I don't dally much with riffraff these days - and he's a pretty raffy kind of a riff"; both vying for the Princess' love, Jeff provided competition for Orville, as the Princess noted: "Here we have a proverb: A goose is beautiful until it stands beside a peacock"
  • the Princess had purchased Orville and was planning to marry him - and Jeff was flabbergasted: "How can a dream like you go for a drip like this anyhow?"; Jeff was told by the Princess that her nuptials had been prophesized by a wise man: "It is written in the stars. I've been counseled by Hyder Khan, the wise one, to take this man for my husband, and I must obey"
  • before the marriage, Orville learned a secret from one of the pretty harem girls, Mihirmah (Dona Drake), that the Princess' main objective was to escape marriage to her real fiance, headstrong virile Desert Sheik Mullay Kasim (Anthony Quinn) (Orville quipped: "Sheiks have gone out of style")
  • the scene of Jeff serenading the Princess, with the hit romantic ballad "Moonlight Becomes You" (the first of two instances in the film): "Moonlight becomes you, goes with your hair, You certainly know the right thing, To wear, Moonlight becomes you, I'm thrilled at the sight, And I could get so romantic Tonight..."; after their song during a moonlight walk, Jeff lied to her about how Orville had sold him into slavery for 200 bucks: "I should be in his spot. You should be marrying me instead of him. There's two sides to everything, you know"
  • afterwards, Mihirmah also warned Orville that Jeff was stealing the Princess away: "The princess is unfaithful. She cares nothing for you," and suggested that they run away together: "Let us fly together" - and then gave him a big kiss ("Thus will my love consume you")

Mihirmah's Love for Orville

The Sheik - Angry About the Princess' Planned Marriage to Orville

The Wise Man Hyder Khan's Prophesy
  • with gunfire and great fanfare, Sheik Mullay Kasim arrived to confront the Princess about her impending marriage to the American; unbeknownst to the two castaways, she explained how the wise man had told her that as her first husband, the Sheik would violently die within the first week of marriage; they visited Hyder Khan (Vladimir Sokoloff) who prophesized: ("And it is here, written in the stars, O Lion of the Desert, that the first husband of the Princess Shalmar will die a violent death within the week of the marriage....It is also written that her second husband will be blessed with long life and happiness"); therefore, after the American's death, the Princess would be free to marry the Sheik, the one she really loved: (she told the Sheik: "Now do you understand?")
  • the scene of the Princess' assistants taking precise measurements for Orville's "male trousseau" - but in fact, sizing him up for his coffin, including his birthdate to be carved into the tombstone; Mihirmah warned Orville, who thought "they were measuring me for some outfit" that they were not "royal dressmakers", but "undertakers" - he was astonished when told the truth: "You mean they were measuring me for a graveyard gabardine?"
  • there was a wacky follow-up sequence of Orville now trying to give up his marriage to the Princess, and offering it to Jeff; he proposed getting out of the marriage because of the start of a romance with Mihirmah ("I'm the guy who's shovin' off...I'm givin' her to ya"); meanwhile, it was revealed that the wise man was revising his forecast because there were insects in his telescope: ("Insects! Fireflies! By the heavens, what are they doing in my telescope?... Dear, oh, dear, oh dear! I must have mistaken these fireflies for Jupiter and Venus....My prophesies for the American's death were based on the fixed positions of Jupiter and Venus")
  • at the same time, because of the Princess' love for Jeff, she wouldn't allow him to exchange places with Orville, knowing his fate; but then, the wise man informed the Princess of his changed predictions,and that no one would die: "I have made a calamitous error. You must not marry that American. You must marry Mullay Kasim!...I was wrong about everything"; she immediately confided to Jeff that she wanted to marry him ("Ah, Geoffrey, you may feel strange about marrying a princess, but I'll spend the rest of my life trying to live it down"); Jeff was shocked: "You mean, you and me?"
  • when the jealous and angry desert Sheik Mullay Kasim charged into the palace, there was a long chase sequence of Jeff and Orville hiding from the Sheik in nodding-head pillars, as the chieftain threatened: "We must find them and slit their throats....They shall die slowly. Their tongues shall be ripped out! Their ears shall be sliced off and dried on sticks....Search the corridors! We'll find them if we have to tear down the palace!"; while hiding there, a fly landed on Orville's nose, giving them away when he sneezed
  • the two were kidnapped and taken into the desert as Kasim's captives, and then left to die in the desert with no food or water - as buzzards circled overhead: (Orville: "Fine way to end up. A box lunch for a bird"); in a desert mirage sequence, they imagined seeing a drive-in restaurant - Herbert's Sandwiches: ("What's a drive-in doing in the middle of the desert?...Two tall double-dip hamburgers! Not too well done, please. And a couple of mile-high beers!"), but then realized it was a mirage: (Jeff: "It's a mirage" Orville: "I could even smell the onions")
  • they also experienced an alluring singing image of the Princess Shalmar; the three stars sang "Moonlight Becomes You" together - hilariously mixing up each other's voices
Desert Mirage Sequence

Spotting a Drive-In

Shalimar Rising Up in Desert

"Moonlight Becomes You"
  • the two came upon Kasim's oasis/camp hideout in the desert, where Orville and Jeff strategized: Jeff: "We gotta save the girls. It's up to us now, Turkey. We'll have to storm the place," but Orville declined: "You storm. I'll stay here and drizzle")
  • they were soon captured again and imprisoned by Kasim on the night of his planned wedding; they engaged in hilarious dialogue about their misadventures: (Orville: "A fine thing! First you sell me for 200 bucks. Then I'm gonna marry the princess, then you cut in on me! Then we're carried off by a desert sheik. Now we're gonna have our heads chopped off" Jeff: "I know all that" Orville: "Yeah, the people who came in the middle of the picture don't!" Jeff: "You mean, they missed my song?")
  • they made plans to rescue the "girls" by using three wishes from a magic ring given to them by the Princess; the ring accidentally transformed Orville into a jumping monkey when he off-handedly spoke: ("Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!"), and they wasted their opportunity; however, after tricking the jailman, the two escaped and disguised themselves as Arabs
  • they disrupted the wedding party by five pranks: (1) poking holes in the drinking goblet of the guest of honor Neb-Jolla (George Givot), a former rival enemy of Kasim, (2) placing a horn under the rival's seat, causing an embarrassing noise when he sat down, (3) putting gunpowder in the cigarettes; the guest felt insulted: "Do you bring us here to make fools of us?"; (4) lit matches placed in sandals to create hot-feet, and (5) igniting the rival sheik's clothing on fire and then dousing him in the face with water
  • the scenes of the wise-cracking, talking male and female camels with animated lips observing the party, and at one point, the male camel's aside spoken to the audience: "This is the screwiest picture I was ever in"; shortly later, Mabel exclaimed: "When I see how silly people behave, I'm glad I'm a camel" - the male camel lasciviously agreed and rolled his eyes: "Aww, I'm glad you're a camel too, Mabel"

Male Camel: "This is the screwiest picture I was ever in"

Two Camels

Mabel: "I'm glad I'm a camel"
  • a large fight soon broke out ("This means war!") and the tent collapsed, allowing the group to escape on horseback
  • the famed ending, when the group (including Orville's energetic love interest, handmaiden Mihirmah) were on a luxury ocean liner about to arrive in New York
Final Sequence: On the Deck of a Luxury Liner

Jeff with Princess Shalmar

Turkey with Mihirmah
  • Orville fatefully told the others: "Say, I want the Statue of Liberty to be proud of me, so I think I'll powder my nose"; Jeff quipped: "I don't think it'll help"; Orville lit his cigarette and entered a literal "POWDER ROOM" (the second time in the film) - and there was a massive explosion
  • in the final scene, the foursome were floating in New York harbor on fragments of the luxury liner and Orville was overacting: ("I can't go on! No food, no water. It's all my fault. We're done for! It's got me. I can't stand it! No food, no nothin'! No food, no water! No food!"); after Jeff reprimanded him: ("What's the matter with you, anyway? There's New York. We'll be picked up in a few minutes"), Orville delivered the film's final oft-quoted line, a lament - and a running gag throughout his entire comedic career: ("If you hadn't opened your big mouth and ruined the only good scene I got in the picture, I might have won an Academy Award!")

Two Castaways on Makeshift Raft

Sign to Morocco

Singing "Road to Morocco" Atop Camel

Orville - Being 'Tortured' by the Princess Shalmar (Dorothy Lamour)

The Two Competing for and Romancing the Princess

Two Pals at Odds With Each Other

Harem Girl Mihirmah (Dona Drake)

Jeff Serenading the Princess with "Moonlight Becomes You"


Preparation of Orville's Tombstone

Taking Orville's Measurements (for Coffin)

Wise Man's Revised Prophesy Due to Insects in His Telescope

The Princess' New Wish to Marry Jeff

Fly Landiing on Turkey's Nose as He Hid From the Sheik


Orville and Jeff Discovering the Sheik's Hideout in Desert

The Kidnapped Females in the Sheik's Desert Oasis

Orville Transformed into a Monkey With One Magic Wish

Disguised as Arabs

Setting the Rival Sheik's Clothing on Fire


Orville Lighting a Cigarette Before Entering Powder Room

Floating in NYC Harbor

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975, UK/US)

  • wholesome Brad Major's (Barry Bostwick) musically-vocal proposal ("Dammit Janet") to Janet Weiss (Susan Sarandon)
  • the major production number "The Time Warp" - followed by Brad's clueless suggestion: "Say, do any of you know how to Madison?"
  • the dramatic entrance of fishnet and heels-wearing Dr. Frank N. Furter (Tim Curry) while singing "Sweet Transvestite"
  • Eddie's (Meatloaf) escape from cryogenic freezing (singing "Hot Patootie Bless My Soul") and his subsequent ice-pick murder by Frank, and a cannibalistic dinner sequence
  • the dual scenes of Frank's seduction of Brad and Janet
  • Janet's seduction of bi-sexual Rocky (Peter Hinwood) while singing "Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me" as they were spied upon by Columbia ("Little Nell" Campbell) and Magenta (Patricia Quinn) with a video monitor
  • the exclamation of names in the dialogue following the discovery of Janet and Rocky making love: ("Janet!" "Dr. Scott!" "Janet!" "Brad!" "Rocky!", etc.)
  • Janet's unexpected piping up with: "I'm a muscle fan!" during Dr. Frank N. Furter's reprise of "I Can Make You a Man"
  • the floor show in an empty theater in front of an RKO Radio Pictures logo and tower, as Frank crooned: ("Whatever happened to Fay Wray...")
  • the finale with Magenta (with a Bride of Frankenstein hairdo) and Riff Raff (Richard O'Brien) revealing themselves to be incestuous siblings from outer space, before they murdered Frank and Rocky and blasted off in the castle-house spaceship to return to the planet Transexual in the galaxy of Transylvania



Roman Holiday (1953)

  • in this charming romantic comedy, runaway Princess Ann (Audrey Hepburn), during a goodwill tour of Europe, rebelled against her sheltered life and royal obligations, escaped the insulated confines of her royal prison, and found a 'Prince Charming' commoner - American journalist-reporter Joe Bradley (Gregory Peck) covering the royal tour in Rome; during their first night together, he did a double-take when she asked with a regal command: "Will you help me get undressed, please?"; after hesitating a moment and being taken aback, he removed one small article of clothing - her necktie; then, he poured himself a glass of wine and rapidly downed it; she innocently added: "This is very unusual. I've never been alone with a man before - even with my dress on. (She began unbuttoning and removing her blouse) With my dress off, it's most unusual. I don't seem to mind. (She gazed directly at him.) Do you?"
  • in the 'Mouth of Truth' stone sculpture scene, Joe pulled his arm out of the mouth of an ancient carving - he pulled back what appeared to be an empty sleeve (to pretend that he had his arm bitten off), jolting his young companion Princess Ann into surprise, anger, and hilarious laughter all at the same time

Romy and Michele's High School Reunion (1997)

  • the early scenes of the interplay between two long-time friends - both carefree, ditzy LA airheads who lived together in a fourth-floor walk-up in Venice Beach, CA: vapid blonde S. Californian Romy White (Mira Sorvino) and empty-headed Michele Weinberger (Lisa Kudrow)
  • after the opening credits, the two dimwits were watching Pretty Woman in bed: "Even though we've watched Pretty Woman like 36 times, I never get tired of making fun of it"; during the shopping sequence, Romy mocked the film and made fun of the snobby Beverly Hills saleslady: "Aw, look, poor thing - they won't let her shop. Yeah - like those salesgirls in Beverly Hills aren't bigger whores than she is"; Michele gasped: "I just get really happy when they finally let her shop"
  • as they prepared to go out, Romy described her current diet to lose weight: "I have been trying this new fat-free diet I invented. All I've had to eat for the past six days are Gummi bears, jelly beans, and candy corns" - Michele responded: "God, I wish I had your discipline"
  • the scene of the two at a dance night club - both were dressed up inappropriately - Michele (in a turquoise mini-skirt with a fur trimmed wrap) and Romy (in a leopard-patterned mini-dress with a slick red coat); both without boyfriends, they decided to dance together (as usual) (Saturday Night Fever-style) to the beat of La Bouche's "Be My Lover," and "Staying Alive"; Michele suggested that they have sex together to see if they were lesbian, Romy responded: "Just the thought of having sex with another woman creeps me out. But if we're not married by the time we're 30, ask me again"
  • the scene of Romy and Michele reminiscing about their uncomfortable high school years while looking through their Roundup yearbook; they also recalled how they weren't in any clique (the elite A group, the B, or C group of nerdy science geeks) but were basically losers and had nothing to brag about, even after a decade; during a series of short flashbacks, Romy and Michele remembered how they were ostracized most of the time by the A group of students; they were mistreated by popular head cheerleader and stuck-up Christie Masters (Julia Campbell), her jock athletic boyfriend Billy Christianson (Vincent Ventresca), and her friends
  • the sequence of Romy's sexy manipulation of dealership co-worker Ramon (Jacob Vargas), the randy service manager, in order to borrow his expensive XTS Jaguar convertible to arrive in style at the reunion; at first she told him: "I'm not gonna have sex with you just to borrow your stupid car" - but then suggested: "Close the blinds and we'll work something out..."; she pretended that she was having an orgasm and that she admired his penis, while making sexy sounds: "Ohh, Ramon! Ohh, Ramon! Ohh! Oh, yes. Mi Capitan, Mi Amor. You are Columbus, and I am America. Discover me, Ramon! Just discover me.... Explosions! The earth is moving!...Is that an earthquake? No, it's Ramon! Ahh! It's Ramon!"; when he suggested: "Man stallion, fill me with your giant love wand!", Romy responded: "What? No, I'm sorry. I don't think so." Ramon: "Well, say something nice about my penis!" Romy: "Oh, Ramon, your penis is so powerful. I'm coming! Okay, thanks. Get off me now"
  • the sequence of Romy and Michele's road trip to attend their Sagebrush High School's 1987 ten-year reunion in Tucson, Arizona, pretending to have sophisticated, educated, entrepreneurial careers; at Crazy Billy's truck-stop enroute, Romy and Michele were dressed in business attire and made a ludicrous request for a to-go lunch special order: "Some sort of businesswoman's special" - the perplexed waitress (Pat Crawford Brown) responded: "We don't have anything like that"; Romy changed the order: "Well, then, why don't you just give us, uhm, two burgers and fries and Diet Cokes 'cause we're in a hurry"; they couldn't answer her question: "What kind of business you in?"
  • the dream sequence in which overdressed loser Romy bragged about her singular invention of Post-Its and empty-headed Michele invented the glue for Post-It Notes: (Romy: "I invented Post-Its") and Michele: ("Um, I invented Post-Its. Actually, I invented a special kind of glue.... Uhm, well, ordinarily when you make glue, first you need to thermoset your resin and then after it cools, you mix in epoxide, which is really just a fancy-schmancy name for any simple oxygenated adhesive, right? Then I thought maybe, just maybe, you could raise the viscosity by adding a complex glucose derivative during the emulsification process - and it turns out I was right")
  • the dream sequence - Michele's flash-forward fantasy dream sequence to 70 years later - she was with her very elderly husband Sandy Frink (Alan Cumming); during a phone-call with Romy on her deathbed (while living with Billy Jr.), the two began to argue in the same fashion as in their younger days (their Mary and Rhoda conversation); Romy's extreme upset induced a fatal heart-attack, and as she died, she flipped Michele the middle finger
  • Michele criticized the three A- listers for getting fat: ("What are you picking on us for anyway? We are NOT the ones who got fat"), including Christie, who then stated that they were pregnant: ("We're pregnant, you half-wit")
  • Michele and Romy made up with each other and decided to be friends, but then, they were humiliated in front of the entire audience for their false claim of inventing Post-Its; Michele suggested they just be themselves and have a good time without worrying about others; they quickly changed into their bright-colored, home-made mini-dresses, and strutted back into the reunion between a gauntlet of onlookers - to the tune of Bananarama's "Venus" - the two approached the A-listers and Romy told Christie off: "What the hell is your problem, Christie? Why are you always such a nasty bitch? Do you get some kind of sick pleasure |from torturing other people? I mean, yeah, okay, so Michele and I did make up some lame story! We only did it because we wanted you to treat us like human beings. But you know what I finally realized? I don't care if you like us 'cause we don't like you. You're a bad person with an ugly heart - and we don't give a flying f--k what you think!"
  • at the end of the reunion, Romy sought revenge against Billy (who revealed himself as an overweight, promiscuous father and alcoholic, who was unhappily married to Christie, and in a dead-end job as a drywall installer); when he suggested they get a hotel room for sex, she promised to meet him there - but then planned to leave him stranded and waiting; she gleefully told Michele that she had finally settled the score: ("Now he's gonna see what it feels like to wait")
  • as Michele and Romy lifted off in rich Sandy's helicopter to return to Los Angeles in style, while they were observed by the entire high-school reunion class - to the tune of Belinda Carlisle's "Heaven is a Place on Earth"; the wind from the chopper lifted Christie's dress (to reveal her pregnant belly) as she piteously called out for her loser husband Billy

Watching "Pretty Woman"

At the Nightclub


Reminiscing About HS - Yearbook

10 Years Earlier

Faking Sex with Ramon

Ordering the "Businesswoman's Special" at a Truck Stop

Romy to Billy: "I invented Post-Its"

Michele: "I invented a special kind of glue"

Michele's Critique of Pregnant A-Listers

Romy's Ultimate Telling-Off of Christie

Christie Calling Out for Billy - The Wind Caught Her Dress

Roxanne (1987)

  • the marvelous verbal retort/monologue comeback scene in a crowded bar-room in which long-nosed, witty, modern-day love-lorn Cyrano de Bergerac - small-town Washington State fire chief Charlie C. D. Bales (Steve Martin) - challenged a boorish, obnoxious, and drunk bully named Jim (Thom Curley) who had called him "Big-Nose", and suggested twenty (actually 25) better, more imaginative nasal insults for his own oversized nose:
  1. Obvious: Excuse me, is that your nose, or did a bus park on your face
  2. Meteorological: Everybody take cover, she's going to blow!
  3. Fashionable: You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger, like Wyoming
  4. Personal: Well, here we are, just the three of us
  5. Punctual: All right, Dellman, your nose was on time, but you were fifteen minutes late
  6. Envious: Ooh, I wish I were you. Gosh, to be able to smell your own ear
  7. Naughty: Pardon me, sir, some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't mind putting that thing away
  8. Philosophical: You know, it's not the size of a nose that's important, it's what's in it that matters
  9. Humorous: Laugh and the world laughs with you. Sneeze, and it's goodbye, Seattle!
  10. Commercial: Hi, I'm Earl Scheib, and I can paint that nose for $39.95!
  11. Polite: Uh, would you mind not bobbing your head? The, uh, orchestra keeps changing tempo
  12. Melodic: Everybody. He's got... (everyone singing) the whole world in his nose
  13. Sympathetic: Ooh, what happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God?
  14. Complimentary: You must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on
  15. Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the tides?
  16. Obscure: Whoa, I'd hate to see the grindstone!...
  17. Inquiry: When you stop and smell the flowers, are they afraid?
  18. French: Zee pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave!
  19. Pornographic: Finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once!...
  20. Religious: The Lord giveth - and He just kept on giving, didn't He?
  21. Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair?
  22. Paranoid: Keep that guy away from my cocaine!
  23. Aromatic: It must wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee - in Brazil
  24. Appreciative: Oooh, how original! Most people just have their teeth capped
  25. (an insult for the bully): "Dirty: your name wouldn't be Dick, would it?"

He then added: "You flat-faced, flat-nosed, flat-head!", deflected a punch, then knocked Jim out (with a delayed response) to the floor, and asked: "Has he fallen yet?"


Rushmore (1998)

  • an unusual comedy about an improbable love triangle between precocious 15 year-old 10th grade private school student Max Fischer (Jason Schwartzman) in Houston, his befriended depressed local steel factory millionaire/magnate and jaded mentor Herman Blume (Bill Murray), and Rushmore Academy's recently-widowed first-grade teacher Ms. Rosemary Cross (Olivia Williams)
  • the various acts of revenge between Blume and Max: bees placed in Blume's hotel room, Blume running over Max's bicycle, and Max tinkering with the brakes on Blume's car



Ruthless People (1986)

  • unscrupulous fashion designer and wealthy California businessman Sam Stone's (Danny De Vito) opening monologue to his mistress Carol (Anita Morris) about why he married his vulgar and hated wife Barbara (Bette Midler), and his thoughts about murdering her: "Her father was very, very rich, and very, very sick. The doctors assured me he'd be dead any minute. There wasn't a second to lose! I rushed right out and married the boss's daughter. He was so sick, it was like the Angel of Death was sitting in the room with him, watching the clock. They pulled the plug on him. He wheezed and shook for about an hour, and then he stabilized. The son-of-a-bitch just got older and sicker. And older, and sicker, and older and sicker!...I couldn't wait around any longer. I went out and made my own fortune. The old fart hung in there for fifteen years. Finally died of natural causes. I want the rest of that money! His money, her money, it's my money! I had to live with that squealing, corpulent little toad all these years. God, I hate that woman. I - I - I hate the way she licks stamps! I hate her furniture! And I hate that little sound she makes when she sleeps. Ugh! And that filthy little s--tbag dog of hers - Muffy !...I'm looking forward to it. My only regret, Carol, is that the plan isn't more violent"
  • Sam's joy and celebration at the news of the kidnapping of his wife, singing "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, Zip-a-dee-ay" while visiting his Carol and opening a bottle of champagne: "It's inspired! Imagine, someone demanding money from me to keep Barbara alive. Unbelievable! Idiots! Come on, let's have a drink....I can't stay long. I've gotta get back and look sad...I got news for you, Carol. That woman ain't comin' back... (toasting) For you, my cupcake. To the kidnappers. To the future Mrs. Sam Stone. Whoops! I gotta run. I'm sorry, honey. I was hopin' we'd have time for a little poke in the whiskers....I'll take a rain check, and a few of these bonbons"
  • Barbara's comment about her amateurish kidnappers during an escape attempt: ("Nice faces. Nice easily identifiable faces!") and her abuse of them, including her tearful reaction to her ransom dropping from $500,000 to $10,000: ("I'm being marked down? What is this - the bargain basement? I've been kidnapped by K-Mart!")
  • Police Chief Henry Benton's (William G. Schilling) video of having sex with a prostitute in his car being shown on a department store's rows of televisions (an offscreen woman cried out: "That's my husband!")
  • Sam's desire to have his wife killed by the kidnappers: ("The last time we spoke you said my wife would be in the morgue if I didn't pay. Well, I didn't pay and just today I was at the morgue and she wasn't there. You lied to me! You know what I think of you?...You got no nuts! What do I have to do? Put a gun in your hand, aim and pull your finger down - you spineless wimp! I dare you to kill her!")
  • Barbara's over-the-top desire for revenge against her husband - castration: ("His testicles! I want his testicles!")
  • the scene of Ken Kessler (Judge Reinhold) selling really hot and gigantic stereo speakers in "the big room" to a teenaged metalhead customer who couldn't afford it: ("The flagship of the entire Dominator line, DMX-10. I have a pair of these myself. Thirty inches of thigh-slapping, blood-pumping, nuclear brain damage!...That's the bitchin' part about it! It don't matter! If you can't afford it, F--KIN' FINANCE IT! So what if it's as big as a Subaru and costs as much? You'll never have to trade this in! This is gonna be with you for the rest of your life! And when you die, they can BURY you in it!")
  • Barbara's faking of torture while her amateurish kidnappers phoned Sam and simulated the sound of her skin frying as they pressed down on a tofu-burger on the stove
  • Lt. Walters' (Clarence Felder) remark to Lt. Bender (Art Evans) about bumbling, dim-witted blackmailing Eart Mott (Bill Pullman): ("This could very well be the stupidest man on Earth. Perhaps we should shoot him"), while Bender was shouting on a bull-horn: ("GIVE THE BAG TO BOZO, DROP THE GUN, AND PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR...IT'S THE POLICE DEPARTMENT..." Earl: "Really?" Walters: "NO! WE'RE THE NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION!")
  • the final scene, after the reunion of Sam and Barbara at the dock and the solving of the case, when Barbara began to assault him (and tossed him in the water), while two detectives congratulated themselves and talked about the couple's close relationship: (Walters: "I hope my marriage is as strong as theirs after 15 years. I can't believe we doubted Stone's affection for his wife" Bender: "Yeah, we almost blew it. Thank God she's alive. You know ol' buddy, you work, you put in long hours. It's a tough beat. But it all seems worth it when you get a moment like this." Walters: "Yeah, I love a happy ending")








Greatest Funniest Movie Moments and Scenes
(alphabetical order, by film title)
Intro | A1 | A2 | B1 | B2 | C | D | E-F | G | H-I | J-K-L
M1 | M2 | N-O | P1 | P2 | Q-R | S1 | S2 | T | U-V-W-X-Y-Z

Previous Page Next Page