Classic Comedies:

Funniest Movie
Moments and Scenes


Title Screen
Movie Title/Year and Scene Descriptions

Babe (1995, Australia/US)

  • director Chris Noonan's Best Picture-nominated storybook animal tale and family film featured remarkable animatronic talking animals including Fly the sheepdog, Ferdinand the duck (who thought he was a rooster to spare being eaten), the elderly ewe Maa, the trio of singing mice, and of course, the runty, orphaned piglet Babe
  • the film's opening was a harrowing account (by off-screen narrator Roscoe Lee Browne) at a gigantic hog farm where pigs were being loaded up into a truck to be taken away to market
  • one runty little piglet who appeared alone and sad was randomly selected - to be used for a Lion's Club guessing contest at the local fair; Farmer Hoggett (James Cromwell) had the winning entry in the fair contest - accurately guessing the piglet's weight

Young Runt "Babe"

Fly - the Sheepdog

Elderly Ewe Maa
  • he brought it to his farm - where the farm animals spoke to the disconsolate pig; he was given the name of Babe (Christine Cavanaugh): ("Our mom called us all the same...She called us all Babe"); Fly the Sheepdog (Miriam Margolyes) tried to comfort Babe who piteously cried out: "I want my Mom!" -- "There, there, You've got to be a brave boy now. I left my mother when I was your age, and my pups will have to leave me soon. But I'll keep an eye on you, if you like, just 'til you find your feet. The little pig's a bit low. He's going to sleep with us just 'til he finds his feet"
  • in a hilarious sequence (titled "Crime & Punishment"), Ferdinand (voice of Danny Mann) convinced Babe to engage in a secret mission for him - to sneak into the farmhouse, avoid disturbing the nasty cat Duchess (Russi Taylor), and abscond with a "mechanical rooster" - Mrs. Esme Hoggett's (Magda Szubanski) new alarm clock -- Ferdinand watched through the window as Babe began to botch the theft; the two ended up covered with paint in the destroyed living room, and the duck became a fugitive
  • after Fly was saddened when her puppies were offered for sale, Babe allowed himself to be adopted ("Fly, may I call you Mom?"); the narrator mentioned: "And so it was that the pig found his place in the world of the farm. And he was happy even in his dreams"
  • in the next segment, titled "Pork is a nice sweet meat," the animals commented upon Christmas festivities at the Hoggett's farmhouse as the relatives arrived, including Ferdinand sitting on the weathervane and quacking: "Christmas dinner, yeah. Dinner means death. Death means carnage! Christmas means carnage!"; Babe also sang: "La, la, la" - fortunately, Babe was spared from becoming Xmas dinner, although his duck friend Rosanna was served instead, prompting Ferdinand to escape from the farm ("I'm not going to be a goner, I'm gone")
  • the film's first indication that Babe was capable of something beyond his 'pig nature' was when he sensed that something was wrong on the farm - sheep rustlers were stealing Farmer Hoggett's sheep and loading them onto a truck; he ran back to the farm and alerted Rex (and Hoggett) to the problem; in the next segment: "A Pig that thinks it's a Dog," shortly later, Babe demonstrated his ability to sort brown hens from white ones
  • Babe's attempts at sheep-herding improved via coaching from elderly ewe Maa (Miriam Flynn) who suggested Babe treat the animals with politeness - and they behaved; later, in the sequences: "The Sheep Pig" and "A Tragic Day," Babe was further trained in sheep-herding, and one day provided Farmer Hoggett a timely alert that three feral dogs were stealing some of his flock, resulting in the death of Maa from the marauding wild dogs
  • Farmer Hoggett first suspected Babe and aimed his double-barreled shotgun at the pig, the Farmer abruptly changed his mind when he heard from his wife that other neighbors had also experienced problems with feral dogs ("That was the police on the telephone. Said there are wild dogs about. Apparently the Mitchells lost six lambs this morning")
  • the jealous and begrudging cat Duchess sought revenge on Babe by cruelly telling him he was scoffed by the other animals for wanting to be a sheep-herding pig, and that humans ate pigs: "I probably shouldn't say this, but I'm not sure if you realize how much the other animals are laughing at you for this sheepdog business...Well, they say that you've forgotten that you're a pig. Isn't that silly? They even say that you don't know what pigs are for....You know, why pigs are here...Well, the cow's here to be milked. The dogs are here to help the boss's husband with the sheep. And I'm here to be beautiful and affectionate to the boss...The fact is that pigs don't have a purpose. Just like ducks don't have a purpose...All right, for you own sake, I'll be blunt. Why do the bosses keep ducks? To eat them. So why do the bosses keep a pig? The fact is that animals that don't seem to have a purpose really do have a purpose. The bosses have to eat. It's probably the most noble purpose of all when you come to think about it...Pork, they call it. Or bacon. They only call them pigs when they're alive....The boss's husband's just playing a little game with you. Believe me, sooner or later, every pig gets eaten. That's the way the world works" - in fear, Babe ran away and was found the next morning in a cemetery by Fly's mate Rex (Hugo Weaving)
  • Farmer Hoggett brought Babe home and responded to Babe's demoralized state and refusal to eat after hearing that humans ate pigs - he fed Babe from a baby bottle, sang the song "If I Had Words", and danced a jig to enliven his spirits
  • knowing Babe's ability to herd sheep, Farmer Hoggett had signed Babe up for trials in a sheepherding competition - the prestigious National Grand Challenge Sheepdog Championships; Babe was entered into the competition with the name "PIG"; while she was out of town, Mrs. Hoggett was watching the competition on TV - she nearly fainted, as did the animals at the farmhouse during the exciting and tense contest
  • at first, Babe struggled to control the sheep, and Hoggett was soundly ridiculed for using a pig to herd sheep; Babe was saved when sheepdog Rex ran back to the farm to get a secret password "Baah Ram Ewe. To your breed, your fleece, your clan be true! Sheep be true!" (in exchange for promising to treat them better); once the password was relayed to Babe, he was victorious in controlling the sheep to follow his commands, and received a perfect score of 100 from all the judges
  • in the rousing finale, amidst wild applause and cheers from the human audience in the grand-stands, the narrator described the tremendous accomplishment: ("And so it was, that in all the celebration, in all the hubbub of noise and excitement, there were two figures who stood silent and still, side by side...And though every single human in the stands or in the commentary boxes was at a complete loss for words, the man who in his life had uttered fewer words than any of them, knew exactly what to say") - the simple congratulatory words of kind-hearted, prideful owner Farmer Hoggett were: "That'll do, pig, that'll do"; Babe looked up and sighed
The Sheepdog Championships Contest
"That'll do, pig, that'll do"

Farmer Hoggett (James Cromwell)

Babe Selected at Fair Guessing Contest

Other Talking Farm Animals

Chapters Were Introduced by a Trio of Giggling, Singing Mice

Ferdinand the Duck Orchestrating Babe's Theft of Alarm Clock

Ferdinand: "Christmas Means Carnage"

Babe: "La, la, la"

Babe's Sheepherding Skills

Duchess's Cruel Revenge

Feeding Babe with a Bottle

Farmer Hoggett's Care for Demoralized Babe

The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer (1947)

  • director Irving Weis' romantic comedy and farce, noted for its Oscar win for Best Original Screenplay (Sidney Sheldon), was about three main characters: a bachelor-playboy artist, an impressionable teenaged girl, and a female judge - with all its entangling implications
  • in the opening municipal court scene, Richard "Dickie" Nugent (Cary Grant) - a womanizing, handsome, and well-dressed bachelor-playboy - had been arrested after a brawl in The Vampire Club - an LA nightclub (instigated by two women fighting over his attentions); although it was his third such charge, he was released by presiding, serious-minded, single Judge Margaret Turner (Myrna Loy), who disregarded the contrary advice of her Asst. DA Tommy Chamberlain (Rudy Vallee), her part-time, prissy and stuffy yet hopeful boyfriend
  • afterwards, Nugent appeared as a guest art lecturer to Sunset HS students in a school assembly, where 17 year-old teenager Susan Turner (a grown-up Shirley Temple in a more adult role), who happened to be the ward and younger sister of Judge Turner, was in the audience with her HS boyfriend Jerry White (Johnny Sands)
  • after interviewing Nugent, Susan imagined him as her 'knight in shining armor' - literally - as he walked away from her; and soon after, she confessed to her sister: "I'm in love with him - don't you realize that?"

Susan with Boyfriend Jerry White at School Lecture

The "Bachelor" and the Infatuated "Bobby-Soxer"

Susan Imagining 'Dickie' Nugent as Her "Knight in Shining Armor"
  • Susan also brazenly decided to sneak out of her house and visit Nugent in his apartment to model a dress for him; Nugent was confronted there and accused of being a trouble-making seductor by both the Judge and ADA Tommy Chamberlain; Nugent retaliated and slugged Chamberlain in the nose
  • another similar court case ensued, when Nugent was charged with assault and again called before Judge Turner; after speaking with the court psychiatrist Matt Beemish (Ray Collins), Susan's and the Judge's uncle, Nugent was encouraged to accept an unusual compromised sentence
  • to Nugent's utter surprise and against the Judge's "better judgment," he was ordered to date Susan; the Judge's objective was to 'cure' or end Susan's obsessive romantic interest (as the Judge stated: "Just until she gets over you" and her feelings wear out); to complicate matters, both sisters had boyfriends who were jealous of Nugent
  • there were many instances of the repeated and popular bobby-soxer word-play game or exchange - a hip sing-song dialogue; it was first recited between Nugent and Susan when he arrived to pick her up for the high school picnic: - "Ready poot, let's scoot." - "Greet." - "Greet." - "You remind me of a man." - "What man?" - "A man with the power." - "What power?" - "The power of hoo-do." - "Hoo-do?" - "You do." - "Do what?" - "You remind me of a man." - "What man?" - "A man with the power." - "What power?"
  • there were a number of typical youth settings that awkwardly paired Nugent with Susan at HS events, including a basketball game, a malt shop, and then a high school picnic; in the latter, Nugent competed with other juveniles (including Jerry) in an obstacle course race - and with the assistance of Susan bribing his competitors to lose, Nugent won the race
  • meanwhile, Judge Turner was beginning to fall in love with Nugent; she invited him to dinner and dancing at the Tick Tock Club, where the elegantly-dressed couple were constantly interrupted on the dance floor and at their table by various group renditions of "Happy Birthday" and "Happy Anniversary," and a succession of individuals, including Susan and her ex-boyfriend Jerry (who had just been drafted), the Judge's aspiring boyfriend Tommy, and one of Nugent's former girlfriends Agnes Prescott (Veda Ann Borg)
Restaurant Dinner Scene
  • the evening soon spun out of control into another uncomfortable situation (when Susan began acting as a wronged female and threatened to break up with Nugent); exasperated, Judge Turner reprimanded Nugent: "I've had enough of this and I've had enough of you. Everywhere you go, you attract trouble!" and then stormed off before everybody exited; left alone at the table, the waiter came by and asked Nugent (who had been doused by an overturned glass): "Would there be anything else?" - and Nugent replied: "For instance?"; Susan was soon convinced to return to her appropriately-aged boyfriend Jerry
  • in the final scene at the airport, the reluctant Judge Turner and Nugent were set up by her cupid-playing Uncle Matt Beemish to board the same TWA airplane - and spend vacation time together in Chicago; when they realized they would be fellow passengers at the gate, Margaret turned to him and initiated the familiar bobby-soxer word game beginning with: "You remind me of a man"; she ended the recitation with the question: "Give up?" - he quickly replied "Give up. Let's go," and took her arm

Judge Turner (Myrna Loy)

Richard Nugent (Cary Grant) Before Judge Turner

Judge Turner with Hopeful Boyfriend, ADA Tommy Chamberlain (Rudy Vallee)

Nugent Awkwardly Dating Susan - At a Basketball Game

Nugent and Susan Reciting: "You remind me of a man" Exchange

Dickie Winning at Rigged Obstacle Course Race

Final Scene at Airport Boarding Gate

The Bad News Bears (1976)

  • Michael Ritchie's realistic, underdog baseball sports comedy-movie, an un-PC mid-1970s classic, was about the failing Little League team of the Bears (with some of the least skilled players) from LA's San Fernando Valley, coached by washed-up, drunken, hang-dog, ex-minor league pitcher and professional pool cleaner Morris Buttermaker (Walter Matthau)
  • during the team's first practice, coach Morris Buttermaker complained to his obnoxious, overweight and chubby catcher Mike Engelberg (Gary Lee Cavagnaro): "There's chocolate all over this ball"; Engelberg replied: "People are always buggin' me about it. My shrink says that's why I'm so fat. So you're not doing me any good, so just quit it!"
  • Buttermaker became further exasperated at his talentless team during practice when no one moved to pick up a B-U-N-T, and then catcher Engelberg made a wild throw to first base and broke his parked convertible's front windshield; simmering with anger, Buttermaker delivered a run-down of the basic rules of baseball by his car: "All right, boys. Let's get back to basics. This is a baseball. The object of the game is to keep the baseball within the confines of the playing field"
  • the rag-tag misfit team that Buttermaker eventually assembled was a group of very juvenile "bad news" ball players, with anti-authoritarian attitudes, obnoxious behavior, and obscene language, including: profanity-spewing, racist-talking, short-tempered shortstop Tanner Boyle (Chris Barnes), nerdy, bookwormish, stats-obsessed backup player Alfred Ogilvie (Alfred W. Lutter), booger-eating, bullied and withdrawn outcast right-fielder Timmy Lupus (Quinn Smith), black Muslim, Hank Aaron-idolizing outfielder Ahmad (Erin Blunt), Harley-Davidson-riding, cigarette-smoking trouble-maker and outfielder Kelly Leak (Jackie Earle Haley)
  • Tanner demeaningly insulted his entire team: "All we got on this team is a bunch of Jews, spics, niggers, pansies, and a booger-eatin' moron" - followed by teammate Alfred's clever warning: "Tanner, I think you should be reminded from time to time that you're one of the few people on this team who's not a Jew, spic, nigger, pansy, or booger-eating moron. So you better cool it, or we may be disposed to beat the crap outta you"

Tanner's Racist Insult of the Entire Team

Alfred's Taunting Warning to Tanner
  • on opening day, the Bears team were miserably defeated by the Yankees, coached by aggressive Roy Turner (Vic Morrow) who encouraged Buttermaker to withdraw or drop out of the league: ("Your team has no right bein' on that field"); the Bears forfeited the game and declared defeat after the Yankees scored 26 runs without a single out; afterwards, feeling disgraced, demoralized and shamed by the loss due to his errors, team-member Ahmad stripped off his uniform and climbed a nearby tree, where Buttermaker convincingly urged him to return to the team
Opening Day - The Team's Disgraceful First Game

Bears Team Photo

Yankees Coach Roy Turner (Vic Morrow)

Ahmad Expressing Humiliaton About Loss
  • Buttermaker engaged in his first talk with 11 year-old, tough-talking Amanda Whurlizer (Tatum O'Neal) (the daughter of one of Buttermaker's ex-girlfriends); he used to coach her fast-ball pitching a few years earlier; Amanda was initially opposed to speaking to coach Buttermaker about being on his team: "I'm through with pitching. My mom says you almost ruined me with that, that sports stuff...That fast ball you taught me put my arm in a sling"
  • Amanda blamed him for his irresponsible behavior and frequent drunkenness, his role as a 'father figure,' and ultimately his failed relationship with her mother: "You handled it like s--t...Look, Buttermaker, you're not my father and I ain't interested in playing baseball for you any more. So why don't you get back into that sardine can of yours and go, go vacuum the bottom of the Pacific Ocean? I've got business to take care of. You're blocking my customers with your car" - she resumed selling maps to movie-stars' homes
  • during a second visit with Amanda, Buttermarker doggedly recruited the reluctant Amanda who insisted she was through being a tomboy, and was an aspiring model who was starting ballet lessons; she was convincing: "I'm almost 12, and I'll, I'll be getting a bra soon. Well, maybe in a year or so. I can't be playing no dumb baseball"
  • remaining dogged, he downplayed his interest in her: "You're right. You're absolutely right. You're turning into a regular little lady. It was a dumb idea anyway. I mean, you wouldn't have helped the team much. I mean, you were great when you were 9, but girls reach their peak athletically about that age. Probably haven't picked up a ball in two years anyway"; Amanda spoke up and bragged about how she was actually practicing her pitching in secret: "Got my curve breaking 2 1/2 feet"; they agreed on a bet of $20 dollars for her to prove it"; he knew he had her hooked when she started throwing pitches at him
Buttermaker's 2nd Effort to Recruit Amanda to Play Ball
  • while riding in his car, she still acted resistant and bargained for favors and incentives, such as paid ballet and modeling lessons, and imported French jeans; Buttermaker complained: "Who do you think you are, Catfish Hunter?", but she didn't know who he was ("Who's he?"); he was able to convince her to join the team - the team's only girl - and a curve-ball pitcher
  • when she was brought to the team and introduced, Tanner demeaned Amanda: "Jews, spics, niggers, and now a girl?" - she shot back: "Grab a bat, punk!"
  • Buttermaker enforced the league rule that everyone on the team had to wear a cup and an athletic supporter: "Gotta be worn at all times.... Either you wear 'em or you don't play"; Amanda asserted: "You ain't strapping one of these things on me," followed by the entire team's refusal: "If she don't wear one, I don't wear one" - they all tossed their boxes of supporters back at the coach
  • during the climactic, exciting championship game against the Bears' arch-rivals, the Yankees, Amanda was kicked in the chest during a spiked slide and play at home plate when she backed up the catcher, leading to a major fight between her team to defend her against their rivals; she told Buttermaker: ("I know I don't have too much up there, but what I got sure don't feel too good")
  • also, the demanding and competitive coach Roy Turner reprimanded his pitcher son Joey Turner (Brandon Cruz) for almost beaning Bears' catcher Engelberg at bat with a wild pitch; after coach Turner slapped his son to the ground at the mound, on the next pitch, Joey allowed a ground ball to the pitcher's mound to become an inside-the-park homerun by holding onto the ball, to retaliate against and defy his father; as he left the park, he dropped the ball at his father's feet
Coach Turner's Vicious Treatment of Pitcher Son Joey - With Retaliation

Joey Slapped to Ground

Holding Onto Ground Ball Without Fielding It

Joey Leaving the Game After Defying His Father
  • by game's end, it was lost narrowly by the Bears (by only one run, 7-6) who were awarded a smaller second-place trophy; one of the Yankee players spoke up: "You guys played a good game. And we treated you pretty unfair all season. We want to apologize. We still don't think you're all that good a baseball team. You got guts, alla ya"
  • the defeated team refused to acknowledge the win; Lupus tossed their small trophy at the condescending winners as Tanner yelled out: "Hey Yankees. You can take your apology and your trophy and shove it straight up your ass!"; the shy Lupus challenged them: "And another thing, just wait 'til next year," and then the Bears players celebrated and doused themselves with beer (as if they had won the game) - as the film concluded

Tanner: "You can take your apology and your trophy and shove it straight up your ass!"

Timmy Lupus: "And another thing, just wait 'til next year"

Buttermaker: "There's chocolate all over this ball"

Catcher Engelberg's Response: "Quit bugging me about my food!

Buttermaker's Speech: "Let's get back to basics"

All of the Players in Buttermaker's Car

Amanda's Feelings of Blame Toward 'Father Figure' Buttermaker

Amanda Riding in Car with Buttermaker

Enforcement of Rules - Passing out Jock Straps and Cups

Amanda: "You ain't strapping one of these things on me"

Amanda Spiked in the Chest

Championship Game

Championship Game's 1st Place Trophy

A Small Second Place Trophy Was Awarded to the Bears

Bananas (1971)

  • actor/director Woody Allen's early anarchic slapstick comedy had frequent lampooning political commentary, visual set-ups and sight-gags, and witty one-liner jokes
  • in the opening scene (bookended with the closing scene), play-by-play commentary was provided by sportscaster announcer Howard Cosell (Himself), as he observed a Latin-American president's "live, on-the-spot assassination", in the Republic of San Marcos, on the outdoor palace steps for ABC's Wide World of Sports; he asked the dying leader: "Well, of course, you're upset, and that's understandable under the circumstances. l guess now you'll have to announce your retirement"
  • the main protagonist was clumsy, anxiety-ridden nerd Fielding Mellish (Woody Allen); he was employed by General Equipment as a guinea-pig for his New York company's strange inventions as a consumer product tester (including a stereo headphones coffin for Californians) of a malfunctioning, sedentary exercise-machine ("The Execu-cisor") designed to be used by busy office executives at their desks
  • in an adult porno shop, the aspiring playboy Fielding nervously purchased a porno magazine (camouflaged by other more intellectual publications such as Time Magazine, Commentary, Saturday Review, and Newsweek) and was embarrassed when a shop dealer made it obvious to other respectable, disapproving customers that he was purchasing a dirty magazine; Fielding cringed when his order was screamed out by the clerk: ("Hey Ralph? How much is a copy of Orgasm?...Orgasm. This man wants to buy a copy. How much is it?"); Fielding stuttered: "Doing a sociological study on perversion. l'm up to advanced child molesting"
Fielding's Awkward Purchase of a Porn Magazine
  • the cowardly Fielding unsuccessfully attempted to protect an old woman during a subway mugging by two thugs (including a young Sylvester Stallone in his screen debut)
  • Mellish first met his future, red-headed radical, social activist, college student girlfriend Nancy (Louise Lasser) when she visited his apartment and urged him to sign a petition supporting the rebels of San Marcos (a stand-in for Cuba), who were opposed to the new appointed dictator Gen. Emilio M. Vargas (Carlos Montalban)

Fielding's Girlfriend Nancy (Louise Lasser)

Awkward Sex

Dream of Being Crucified
  • after attending a student protest and demonstration together (where Mellish became entangled in a firehose), the two returned to his apartment, where Fielding awkwardly attempted to make a good impression; however, their struggle to have sex was quite unsatisfactory
  • he ended up telling his therapist that as a young boy, he stole a pornographic book printed in Braille and then rubbed the dirty parts with his hands. Due to being a nervous child, he also was a bed-wetter, and was constantly electrocuting himself with his electric blanket; he described how he dreamt of being nailed on a wooden crucifix carried through NYC streets by monks who fought for a parking place with another crucified individual
  • shortly later, Nancy decided to break up with him when she complained that she needed something "more"; she claimed it wasn't because of his personality or looks, or his intelligence, or his short height or bad teeth; she said that she needed a "strong man" or "leader" with political convictions; her main objection was that he was completely immature: (Fielding: "How am I immature?" Nancy: "Well, emotionally, sexually and intellectually." Fielding: "Yeah, but what other ways?")
  • in despair after the breakup, Fielding decided to travel to the tiny Latin American banana republic (fictional) of San Marcos by himself to see what the conditions were like down there; meanwhile, a resistance fighter (Axel Anderson) was being tortured in a room by Vargas and forced to listen to a phonograph record player playing the entire score of Naughty Marietta; he revealed that rebel leader Esposito (Jacobo Morales) was planning a revolutionary strike two months into the future
  • Fielding arrived in San Marcos and entered the cheap Hotel Bonaire; soon after, he was invited to an 8 pm dinner with the President at Vargas' palace; harp playing in the background came from a man practicing with his harp in his closet ("l was trying to find someplace for practice"); upon being greeted as the guest of the new dictator Gen. Vargas at his palace, Fielding was labeled "an American intellectual" who would be able to "exchange political ideas and opinions"; the tense and nervous Fielding began chewing on his wine glass after Vargas' poison-tester fell ill; a small concert band above them on the balcony pretended in pantomime to be playing non-existent instruments
  • in an after-dinner discussion, Vargas declared: "If l give a better life to my people, l have to exterminate a few troublemakers," causing Fielding even more trepidation; after Fielding departed, Vargas described his conspiratorial plan: "We'll kill him as planned - dressed as rebels. Then an outraged United States will see how bloodthirsty beasts Esposito and his men are and we'll get all the support we need"
  • soon after, in the countryside, Fielding was assaulted and chased by a disguised group of Vargas' assassins posing and dressed as rebels. suddenly, after believing he had escaped, he was knocked out, and awoke in the rebel camp of Esposito's soldier forces; he was told that Vargas had falsely publicized, as a propaganda tactic, that he had been killed by the rebels; Fielding was told he would have to remain there until the revolution was won in six months
  • while training with the rebels in the jungle, nebbish Fielding viewed a half-naked woman (Princess Fatosh) clutching her left breast while crying out: "I got bitten by a snake" - this was after he had learned about first-aid treatment for snakebite: ("In the event of snake-bite, you make an incision and you suck out the poison - remember, you suck out the poison"); with a huge grin on his face, he pursued her greedily and lasciviously, and was followed by the rest of the rebel soldiers
  • once the rebels' food supply ran out during their South American revolution, Fielding was appointed to prove himself by visiting the nearby town; there, he placed a complicated to-go order of 1,000 grilled cheese, 300 tuna and 200 BLT sandwiches and 700 regular coffees, 500 Cokes and 1,000 7-Ups (and coleslaw) for troops at a lunch counter deli
  • shortly later, the rebels over-ran San Marcos, and Vargas fled to Miami after renting an expensive room at the Fontainebleau Hotel; once the revolution was successful and the capital of the banana republic of San Marcos was overrun by the rebels, the "glassy-eyed" Esposito betrayed his cause; the power-mad, rebel leader refused to step down, and ordered Vargas' supporters to be ruthlessly lined up to be executed by a firing squad - each one was given a 'service-number' to establish the order
  • it was obvious to Fielding and others that the new head of the republic Esposito, who refused to follow through on his revolutionary beliefs, was insane and needed to be deposed; Fielding was recruited, although under protest, to be the new El Presidente of the republic to replace the Caligula-like rebel leader Esposito
  • wearing a ridiculous fake red beard to pose as a Castro-like revolutionary guerrilla, Fielding returned to the US to attend a high-society dinner fundraiser for upper-class dignitaries; he opened his speech with a grossly inappropriate sex joke, followed by an outrageous plea for money - in which he haplessly drew attention to his country’s worst parts – locusts, loose women, hernias and STDs: "Although the United States is, uh, a very rich country and San Marcos is a very poor one, there are a great many things we have to offer your country in return for aid. For instance, there, uh, there are locusts. Uh, we have more locusts than...uh, locusts of all races and creeds. These, these locusts, incidentally, are available at popular prices. And so, by the way, are most of the women of San Marcos...despite the tiny size of our nation, few people realize that we lead the world in hernias. They also fail to realize that before Columbus discovered your country, he stopped in San Marcos and contracted a disease which today can be cured with one shot of penicillin..."
  • CIA government officials feared that the Latin American leader was an imposter who was threatening to overthrow the United States, and decided to arrest him for treason: "attempting the overthrow of the United States government" as a "subversive imposter"
  • Fielding was also reunited with Nancy (who at first didn't recognize him and thought of him as wonderful compared to her previous "idiot" boyfriend - "He was just this little stupid clown"); she described how she was impressed by his tremendous leadership qualities: ("l think that you are terrific. Really terrific...l'm awestruck...Would you mind if l kissed you... once?"); after a cut to black (and Nancy's words: "That was wonderful. lt was practically a religious experience"), the two appeared in bed where Fielding removed his disguise and revealed his true identity; she was aghast: "My God, I knew something was missing"
  • news stations reported Fielding's upcoming trial for treason; during the scene of his US trial (The People vs Fielding Mellish), Fielding immediately objected to Judge (Arthur Hughes): ("l object, Your Honor. This trial is a travesty. lt's a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham. l move for a mistrial. Do you realize there's not a single homosexual on that jury?"); various character witnesses were called to the stand, including a prejudiced Police Officer Dowd (Ted Chapman), a transvestite-disguised FBI head J. Edgar Hoover (Dorothi Fox) who appeared as a fat, middle-aged black woman with an Afro hairstyle, and Miss America Sharon Craig (Dagne Crane) who sang her beauty pageant's talent competition song from an opera
  • during the unconventional trial, Fielding questioned character witnesses, and when he was called to the stand, he also acted as his own defense lawyer - he cross-examined and interrogated himself - exhaustingly jumping in and out of the witness box: ("I wouldn't joke if I were you!" - "Wouldn't you, or couldn't you?") - both posing and answering non-sensical questions; the court's ruling was that Mellish was found guilty on 12 counts of treason and would receive a 15-year suspended sentence (if he promised to not live in the Judge's neighborhood)
  • the closing televised Fielding Mellish Honeymoon Night broadcast (on the Wide World of Sports) was viewed as a between-the-covers, sexual boxing match by commentator Howard Cosell; Fielding was reunited with Nancy as his recent marital partner and in bed with her at the Royal Manhattan Hotel for the competitive bout; their speedy sex session that lasted 30 seconds was described by Nancy: "Well, Howard, it all went by so fast. I just had no idea that it would be so quick, really. I was expecting a longer bout... Well, as you know, l'm extraordinarily ticklish so l had a kind of a rough time there. l couldn't stop laughing...And you know, l thought it would really get in my way. But l really trained well for this and l think it sort of held me, so there really wasn't any time that l didn't feel in complete control." Then she added that it was over too quickly: "The timing was a little off, but I think he'll be fine. I mean, he's not the worst l've had. Not the best, but not the worst"; their next bout would possibly be in the late spring, although they seemed to disagree on a date for a future rematch
  • Cosell ended the interview with special hope that "they may live happily ever after and again they may not," but assured the viewers that he would be there to cover the action

Howard Cosell's Play-by-Play of a Latin-American Assassination

Fielding Mellish as Consumer Product Tester

Subway Mugging by Thugs (Sylvester Stallone)

Torture Victim of Gen. Vargas

General Vargas at Dinner With Afflicted Poison-Tester

Rebel Leader Esposito (Jacobo Morales)

Fielding Offering to "Suck Out the Poison"

Complicated To-Go Order of Sandwiches and Drinks for the Troops

The New President of San Marcos - Fielding Mellish

Speech as President of San Marcos (With Fake Beard)

Fielding Revealing His True Identity in Bed with Nancy

Mellish Bound and Gagged During His Trial for Treason

Honeymoon Night: Boxing Match

The Bank Dick (1940)

  • W.C. Fields' last great classic comedy was this one - with wonderful, bumbling sight gags and hilarious one-liners
  • the title character was Egbert Souse (W. C. Fields) (pronounced "Soo-zay"), a drunken, unemployed, no-account, henpecked, child-hating husband living in Lompoc, California (pronounced Lompoke); to escape from his family who often complained: "House just smells of liquor and smoke," lush barfly Egbert Souse often snuck out to the Black Pussy Cat Cafe for stiff drinks, where he often performed a drinking routine in front of bar proprietor Joe Guelpe (Shemp Howard, one of the replacement Three Stooges) - he dipped his fingers in a glass of water, dried them with a paper napkin that he crumpled and rolled into a ball, then tossed it into the air over his shoulder and neatly kicked it away with the heel of his shoe, followed by a burb and cough
  • his family included his cranky mother-in-law Mrs. Hermisillo Brunch (Jessie Ralph), his younger daughter Elsie Mae Adele Brunch Souse (Evelyn Del Rio), and his nagging wife Agatha Sousé (Cora Witherspoon)

Egbert Substituting For Drunken Movie Director

Egbert's Astonished Family

Elsie Mae Demanding a Part in the Movie
  • to his family's astonishment, he had the opportunity to direct an on-location movie in town (to replace drunken director A. Pismo Clam (Jack Norton)); after his chair toppled backwards off his majestic perch on the platform, his bratty young daughter Elsie Mae approached, pulled on his coat tails, and demanded a part in the picture: "I wanna be in the picture (he deferred her request by patting her on the head)...What's the matter, Pop? Don't ya love me?"; when Egbert went to slug her, Cora threatened: "Don't you dare strike that child!" - to which Egbert replied: "She's not gonna tell me I don't love her!"
  • he also inadvertently foiled a bank robbery in town for allegedly capturing Loudmouth McNasty (George Moran), one of two bank robbers with the money, and was rewarded for his accidental heroism with a free bank calendar and an in-bank position as a vigilant bank security guard (or "dick"-detective) by grateful Lompoc State Bank president Mr. Skinner (Pierre Watkin)
  • Egbert met with the pompous Mr. Skinner to be congratulated on his daring, gallant deed: "And I wish to personally give you a hearty handclasp." Skinner avoided shaking Sousè's outstretched limp-wristed hand, barely touching the tips of his fingers to his palm
  • Egbert also concocted an ill-advised embezzlement plan (with the complicity of his future, dim-witted son-in-law Og Oggilby (Grady Sutton), a bank clerk and the fiancee of his lovesick oldest daughter Myrtle (Una Merkel)) to temporarily "borrow" or steal $500 from the bank (until he could repay the money with Og's bonus due in a few days) to invest in worthless stock in the questionable and flimsy mining operation known as the Beefsteak Mining Company - offered by charlatan con J. Frothingham Waterbury (Russell Hicks). To convince Og, Egbert told him: "Surely, don't be a luddie-duddie, don't be a moon-calf, don't be a jabbernow, you're not those, are you?"
  • during Egbert's work as a vigilant bank security dick - he choked a young boy in a cowboy outfit waving a toy gun - believing that he was a holdup man - as the bratty boy walked out of the bank, he ridiculed the guard's shiny, bulbous red nose: "Mommy, doesn't that man have a funny nose?" His mother chided him for making fun: "You mustn't make fun of the gentleman, Clifford. You'd like to have a nose like that full of nickels, wouldn't you?"
  • Souse used knock-out Mickey Finn drinks to hold off effeminate, prissy, inquisitive and persistent bank examiner/auditor J. Pinkerton Snoopington (Franklin Pangborn) - who was suspicious of Egbert's financial dealings
  • as it turned out, the Beefsteak Mine stock was actually valuable, and Waterbury urged Egbert to resell him the shares, but before the transaction could occur, the second uncaught bank robber Repulsive Rogan (Al Hill) returned to rob the bank of mining stock and cash, and took Egbert "hostage
  • Egbert was forced to drive the getaway car, with the robber in the back seat; it was a memorable, zany, slapstick car chase scene - a superbly-timed chase amongst multiple cars (Souse's car was followed by the local police, the bank president, and a representative from the movie company) that zoomed and circled around, barely avoiding crashing into each other or other obstacles in the path
Getaway Car Chase
  • the getaway car careened through streets, over ditches (over the heads of ditchdiggers), around curves and up a mountainside, missing collisions at every turn with the pursuit vehicles. When asked by the thug in the back seat to give him the wheel, Egbert matter-of-factly pulled it off the steering column and gave it to him; after the robber was struck unconscious by a tree branch and apprehended, Sousè was an unlikely hero once again for thwarting another heist
  • this time, he received $5,000 for capturing the thief, and a film company bought his story for $10,000 - funds he used to purchase a top hat and tails, and a new mansion, before returning for a visit to the Black Pussy Cat Cafe

Egbert's Drinking Routine at The Black Pussy Cat Cafe

Egbert's "Hearty Handclasp" With the Bank President Skinner

Egbert to Og: "Don't be a luddy-duddy. Don't be a moon calf..."

Egbert (as a Bank Dick) Fighting with Young Boy in the Bank

Meeting the Suspicious Bank Examiner J. Pinkerton Snoopington

Getaway Car Chase

Bedazzled (1967, UK)

  • director Stanley Donen's fantasy comedy was a retelling (in parody form) of the Faustian tale in 1960s London, in which the Devil-Satan offered to take a man's soul in exchange for seven wishes
  • Stanley Moon (Dudley Moore), a 28 year-old short-order cook at a London Wimpy Bar, who timidly loved from afar his co-worker waitress Margaret Spencer (Eleanor Bron), and lacked the courage to speak to her; in voice-over, he expressed his infatuation for her: "I only live to hear your voice...Each time you speak, it's like a thousand violins playing in the halls of heaven. I-I love you, Miss Spencer. I love everything about you. The way you walk, your sweet smile, your easy grace and charm...I wish I could take you away from all this. I'd like us to start a new life together, a little house of our own, a car, the two of us against the world, joined forevermore in holy wedlock"
  • depressed over being spurned by Miss Spencer's love for six years, the suicidal Stanley contemplated hanging himself; he was presented with a Faustian bargain by an excommunicated Fallen Angel (Peter Cook) (aka George Spiggott) - a devil figure - after "an unsuccessful suicide bid"; Stanley complained about his lot in life: "I'm miserable. I've got a boring job, no money, no prospects. I haven't got a girlfriend, I can't get to know anyone, and no one wants to get to know me, and everything is hopeless"
  • Stanley was tempted by the self-named "horned one" - with alternate names including the Prince of Darkness, Beelzebub, Mephistopheles, the Horned One, the Devil and Lucifer: "Everything you've ever seen in the advertisements. Fast, white convertibles, blonde women, their hair trailing in the wind, wafer-thin after-dinner chocolates. If you had all that, would you be any happier?"
  • Lucifer proposed to add Stanley's soul to his collection ("I collect souls. I'd like to add yours to my collection... And all I want from you is the exclusive global and universal rights to it"); in exchange, Stanley was offered seven wishes ("It's the standard contract. Gives you seven wishes in accordance with the mystic rules of life. Seven Days of the Week, Seven Deadly Sins, Seven Seas, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers...") - and Stanley accepted; his main goal for each of his wishes was to win Margaret's love: "I want her to be in love with me, everything about me, madly in love with me"
  • Stanley also met the living personification of the Seven Deadly Sins - including Vanity (Alba), Anger (Robert Russell), Envy (Barry Humphries), Gluttony (Parnell McGarry), Avarice (Daniele Noel), Sloth (Howard Goorney) and Lust (Raquel Welch)
  • there were many ingenious ways that Stanley was fooled by each of his seven wishes, signaled by the magical phrase: "Julie Andrews!", for his first wish, Stanley was tricked and double-crossed by Satan; for example, before signing a contract with the Devil, Stanley's innocent request for "a Frobisher and Gleason raspberry-flavored ice lolly" was called a trial wish, but was counted as one of his seven wishes
  • throughtout the film, Satan was in a race to claim 100 billion souls so that God would readmit him to Heaven; meanwhile, he made everyday life miserable with minor acts of malicious vandalism - he spitefully scratched LPs ('60s), removed "wet paint" signs from park benches, phoned people in the bathtub and then claiming it was a wrong number, upset an old lady’s groceries cart, tore out the endings of Agatha Christie mysteries, drilling ventilation holes in the side of oil tankers, and forced parking meters to read "expired"
  • in each of his attempts to win over Margaret in various amorous scenarios, Stanley's attempted wishes to be someone else failed or he was fooled: (1) as a pretentious and "articulate" intellectual with a Welsh accent in his bachelor pad, he was accused of 'Rape' when he finally physically advanced on her, (2) as "multimillionaire" industrialist-businessman Sir Stanley Moon who lavished his wife Margaret with expensive gifts including the Mona Lisa, she was cheating with her affectionate harp teacher Randolph (Robin Hawdon), (3) as a pop-singing rock star, the fickle groupie Margaret soon became attracted to another band, (4) as "a fly on the wall" - Stanley's off-handed wish turned true and he literally became one, (5) as a warm and tender couple living with Margaret in a cottage in the countryside, he learned that she was actually married to a saintly George for seven years, and behind his back they couldn't consummate their illicit love for each other (Margaret: "We must never see each other again, for his sake"), and (6) Stanley's wish to live with Margaret far from the modern world with no other men in her life, and in love with each other; it resulted in both Stanley and Margaret becoming Berilian Order nuns who expressed lesbian love for each other that could not be fulfilled: (Margaret: "Whatever it is that draws us together we must cast out. It is unnatural and wrong...It is wrong, and I'm so ashamed to break my vow")
Two of Stanley's Wishes - Upended by Satan

"Fly on the Wall" - with George

Nuns - Margaret (and Stanley as Sister Luna)
  • George instructed Stanley that if he wanted to end the effects of any of the wishes, he could "blow a raspberry" (or fart)
  • the most memorable of the Seven Deadly Sins was "Lilian" Lust (known as "the babe with the bust") who requested that Stanley help her to unbutton her outer pink blouse, to reveal her red bra and bikini underwear: ("I seem to be all thumbs this mornin'. Oh, I find clothes so constructin'. We must allow our pores to breathe. Oh, that's better"), and then held him close to her breasts and asked: "Can you hear my pores breathe? Listen. Would you like a nibble?"; she was referring to an offer of breakfast in bed: "Why, you must be ravenous. Would you like orange juice?....Or a succulent, sun-ripe, whole pineapple? But you have to be careful of the prickles....Do you like it in bed?"
  • she jumped into bed with him (admired the overhead mirror: "Don't we make a pretty pair?"), and continued seducing him as she served him coffee and toast: "Strong, black and sweet. Two mountainous spoons full. Hot toast or buttered buns?...Oh, I love a man who knows what he wants. Do you crave marmalade or honey?...Ohh! I do so love the smell of honey on a man's lips" (she smeared honey on his lips for a kiss); George interrupted and called her away: "Pick your clothes up. You're due down at the Foreign Office"
Stanley with 'Lilian' Lust (Raquel Welch)
  • finally George Spiggot admitted to Stanley that he had attained his goal: ("the first one to reach a hundred billion souls is the winner...I've only got six to go") - and he would be rewarded by God: "When I've won, the world will be in such a rotten, stinking mess that it can get on without me. I'll go back to heaven, sit on God's right hand and be his favorite angel again"
  • George rationalized: "I've got me hundred billion souls and a few to spare. I don't really need yours. It's not much of a catch. I can give it to you back again"; he decided to give Stanley his soul back as "a very magnanimous gesture" in order to hopefully gain entrance for himself to Heaven; George explained that once Stanley became his old self again, "nobody will know that any of this has ever happened"
  • Stanley returned to his Wimpy's job and life under normal circumstances - but now was wiser; he vowed: "All I want to be is me," and tried on his own to ask Margaret (who also worked at Wimpy's) for a dinner date; when Margaret claimed she was busy, George piped up and offered to fix the situation : ("I've got a new deal for you"), but Stanley refused and asserted "No, thanks, George. I'd like to try it my way"
  • the revengeful Spiggot, who was denied reentry and readmission (he "failed the entrance exam") to Heaven by God's disembodied voice, became frustrated and angered, and delivered a curtain-closing curse to God: "All right, you great git, you've asked for it. I'll cover the world in Tastee-Freez and Wimpy Burgers. I'll fill it full of concrete runways, motorways, aircraft, television, and automobiles, advertising, plastic flowers and frozen food, supersonic bangs. I'll make it so noisy and disgusting that even you'll be ashamed of yourself! No wonder you've so few friends; you're unbelievable!"

Stanley Moon (Dudley Moore) - Wimpy Bar Employee

Margaret (Eleanor Bron) - Co-worker Waitress

Stanley's Failed Hanging Suicide Attempt

Stanley Tempted by Devil-Satan (Peter Cook) (aka George Spiggott)

Stanley's First Wish - As an "Articulate" Intellectual, Ending In Accusations of 'Rape' in His Bachelor Pad

Stanley's Fifth Wish: Living in a Cottage with Margaret, But She was Married to George!

Back to Normal: Stanley Asking Margaret at Wimpy's For a Dinner Date

George's Concluding Vengeful Rant Against God

Beetlejuice (1988)

  • director Tim Burton's haunted comedy-fantasy was about a ghost named Betelgeuse who haunted the home of a recently-deceased couple
  • a fatal car crash and drowning accident killed the newly-wed Maitlands: Adam (Alec Baldwin) and Barbara (Geena Davis); the Maitland house was resold by their realtor Jane (Annie McEnroe) to the yuppie Deetz family from NYC, who moved in and lived in the Maitland's Winter River, Connecticut home; the Deetz family included real-estate developer Charles Deetz (Jeffrey Jones), his obnoxious sculptor wife Delia Deetz (Catherine O'Hara), and their goth, black-clad teenaged Deetz daughter, photographer Lydia (Winona Ryder) from Charles' first marriage (who stated: "My whole life is a darkroom. One big dark room"); a decorator named Otho (Glenn Shadix) was hired by the Deetz's to remodel the house
  • initial efforts by the Maitlands to scare away their home's new tenants failed, and Adam and Barbara were forced to retreat to the attic; the title character Betelgeuse (pronounced Beetlejuice) (the "afterlife's leading bioexorcist") was first introduced on a TV in the attic; in a commercial, the demonic, crude, yellow-haired, morbid, and over-the-top individual was seen hawking his services as a free-lance veteran scare-master: ("Havin' trouble with the livin'? Ya tired of havin' your home bein' violated? Ya wanna get rid of them pesky livin' critters once and for all? Well, come on down and see me folks, because I'm the afterlife's leading bio-exorcist. Yes, sirree! Come on down here. I want to tell ya, I'll do anything! I'll scare 'em real bad. The point is, I'll do anything to get your business. Hell! I'll possess myself if I gotta! Yo! I got demons runnin' all through me. All through me. Come on down here and see it. And hey - if ya act now, you get a free demon possession with every exorcism. Ah! You can't beat that, can ya? Bring the little partners down here. Hell, we've got plenty of snakes, lizards and worms for them to play with. There's no problem with that at all. So, say it once, say it twice, third time's a charm. And remember, (singing) I'll eat anything you want me to eat. I'll swallow anything you want me to swallow. So, come on down, I'll chew on a dog")
Betelgeuse on a TV Advertisement and With the Maitlands
  • while consulting a Handbook for the Recently Deceased, Adam and Barbara entered into an other-worldly (or netherworld) afterlife waiting-room full of other recently-dead and distressed clients, including an explorer with a shrunken head and ping pong ball eyes, before meeting their caseworker Juno (Sylvia Sidney) who advised them not to haunt the new residents; she informed them that their fate was to remain in the house for 125 years, and that they would have to scare the Deetzes away if they wanted them gone, but should not contact her former assistant Betelgeuse
  • the Deetz daughter, Lydia - the object of Betelgeuse's affection, was the only living person who could see the Maitlands; she discovered the ghostly, decaying and dead Maitlands in the attic (she met when they were first wearing sheets) she asked: "Are you gross under there? Are you Night of the Living Dead under there? Like all bloody veins and pus?...You're not gross. Why are you wearing sheets?"; she explained her magic power: "I read through that Handbook for the Recently Deceased. It says: 'Live people ignore the strange and unusual.' I myself am strange and unusual"; Lydia learned why the Maitlands were wearing sheets and their main objective - to scare the Deetz family away: "We wanted to frighten you so you would move out...You tell them that we are horrible desperate, ghoulish creatures who will stop at nothing to get our house back"
  • once the Maitlands met the uncouth, obnoxious and insane ghoul and 'bio-exorcist' Betelgeuse with rotten teeth, they were repelled by his crazed and malicious personality but considered having him remove the Deetz family from their home; he claimed: "In order to do that, I'll have to get to know you. We've got to get closer. Move in with you for a while. Get to be real pals. You know what I'm saying?...Come on, we're simpatico, here....We're like peas in a pod, the three of us, let's face it. You want somebody out of the house. I want to get somebody out of your house" - and shortly later, asked: "Come on kids, what do I have to do to strike a deal with you two, huh?" - and then demonstrated how he could spin his head around ("Don't you hate it when that happens?"), however, they resolved to scare the Deetzes on their own
  • during a hosted dinner party (song and dance) in the Deetz home, the recently-deceased Maitlands attempted (without Betelgeuse's help) to use a haunted 'parlor trick' to spook and dislodge the Deetz family from their home; during the dinner, the bowls of shrimp in front of them shot out arms made of shrimp that grabbed their faces and threw them against the wall; to her shock, Delia belted out the calypso "Day-O (The Banana Boat Song)" - in Harry Belafonte's voice; the Maitlands' antics to scare the Deetz's backfired and were ineffective
  • in fact, Charles Deetz was inspired by the 'ghostly' supernatural events and saw a lucrative business opportunity to attract tourists to Winter River; however, he was horrified when Betelgeuse transformed into a menacing slithering snake (with his human head and long sharp teeth), and had to be called off by Barbara calling out Betelgeuse's name three times
  • after the Deetz' interior designer Otho acquired the Handbook, and Charles had discussed his plans to turn the town into a paranormal-themed attraction with his business associate, real estate tycoon and boss Maxie Deen (Robert Goulet), a seance was conducted by Otho to bring the Maitlands out into view; the seance was actually an exorcism - and the Maitland couple were instantly transformed and withered into greenish, wrinkled and decaying ghosts
  • to save the decaying Maitlands, Lydia rushed to Betelgeuse who begged her to marry him so that he could escape to the world of the living and also help save the decaying Maitlands: ("Look, I'm what you might call an illegal alien. OK? I want out - for good. In order for me to do that, hey, I gotta get married. Hey! These aren't my rules. Come to think of it, I don't have any rules. Come on. Come on. Look, you think of it as a marriage of inconvenience. OK? We both get something. I get out. You get to say you're hitched to the most eligible bachelor since Valentino came over. We're even")
  • when she agreed to help him, she summoned him by saying his name three times; Betelgeuse - with outstretched arms - exhorted as lightning flashed: ("It's Showtime!"); he quickly got rid of Maxie Dean and his wife Sarah Dean (Maree Cheatham), and also Otho; Betelgeuse grew inflated mallet-arms and propelled them through the ceiling (as if in a carnival's strong-man 'ring the bell' game)
Betelgeuse's Expulsion of the Deans - With a 'Ring the Bell' Game
  • Betelgeuse's wedding to Lydia was conducted before a ghastly-looking preacher (Tony Cox, voice of Jack Angel), although the marital ceremony was interrupted at the last moment by a Sandworm! (ridden by Barbara through the house) that devoured Betelgeuse and sent him back into the netherworld
  • in the final scene set in the netherworld's waiting room, Betelgeuse was seen with a shrunken head (after a witch doctor seated next to him sprinkled powder on him for cutting ahead of him in line) - he delivered an hilarious, upbeat, but dead-panned statement about his messed-up hair: ("Whoa, hey! What are you doing? Hey, stop it! Hey, you're messing up my hair! C'mon! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it! Whoa! Hey, this might be a good look for me")

Betelgeuse With A Shrunken Head in the Netherworld's Waiting Room

Lydia's Performance of: "Jump in the Line"
  • during the pre-ending credits, Lydia performed (suspended in mid-air) "Jump in the Line (Shake Señora)", with singing by Harry Belafonte, after the Deetz's and the Maitlands agreed that they would live in cooperative harmony in the house

Netherworld Waiting Room Scene

Barbara With Explorer with Shrunken Head

Lydia Deetz's (Winona Ryder) Attic Discovery of the Maitlands

Dinner Party Song and Dance: 'Day-O'


Decaying Maitlands After Exorcism

Betelgeuse: "It's Showtime!"

Betelgeuse's Forced Marital Ceremony with Lydia Before Ghastly Preacher

Being There (1979)

  • Hal Ashby's satire was adapted from Jerry Kosinski's screenplay about a fool-turned-prophet transformation - it was an insightful tale that satirized politics, celebrity, media-obsession and television, and extolled the wisdom of innocence; its story was told through an enigmatic character -- illiterate, TV-watching gardener Chance the Gardener or Chauncey Gardiner (Peter Sellers in a chameleon-like role in his second-to-last film) [Note: this role was the forerunner to the mentally-challenged Tom Hanks character in Forrest Gump (1994)]
  • Chance was a reclusive, emotionless, passive, and simple-minded gardener who was well-groomed, fed on schedule, and dressed in custom-tailored suits. He had lived his whole sheltered life within the walled, Washington, DC estate of an eccentric millionaire named Jennings. His only knowledge of the "real" outside world, an encroaching inner-city ghetto area, was through watching television
  • after his employer died, Chance wandered out into the street in a daze with his TV's remote-control to aid him. When his leg was injured in an accidental mishap, and his name was thought to be "Chauncey Gardiner," he was befriended by Eve Rand (Shirley MacLaine), the wife of dying billionaire financier-industrialist Benjamin Rand (Melvin Douglas)
  • in a short scene, his black maid-cook Louise (Ruth Attaway) cynically and contemptuously commented on retarded Chance/Chauncey Gardiner's rise to power, while watching him on television and seeing the country's adoration for him: "It's for sure a white man's world in America....Look here: I raised that boy since he was the size of a piss-ant. And I'll say right now, he never learned to read and write. No, sir. Had no brains at all. Was stuffed with rice pudding between the ears. Shortchanged by the Lord, and dumb as a jack-ass. Look at him now! Yessir, all you've gotta be is white in America, to get whatever you want. Gobbledy-gook!"
  • Dennis Watson (Mitch Kreindel) hit on Chauncey at a formal party after Chauncey's naive reply: "Is there a TV upstairs? I like to watch" and Dennis gave a delighted response: "You like to, uh, watch?... You wait right here. I'll go get Warren!"
  • simpleton, quiet, and unassuming Chauncey even caught the attention of none-other than President Bobby (Jack Warden), when he lectured about how the garden grew and was thought to be offering profound wisdom: ("As long as the roots are not severed, all is well, and all will be well in the garden....In a garden, growth has its season. First comes spring and summer, but then we have fall and winter. And then we get spring and summer again....There will be growth in the spring")
  • his new-found popularity led to talk-show appearances, insider parties, book publisher advances, and the potential to become a presidential candidate
  • during a protracted "seduction scene," Eve Rand, love-starved and seductive, desperately tried to arouse an unresponsive Chauncey - he only responded, with a shocking but understandable line, that he "like(s) to watch" - and "it's very good, Eve"; she mistakenly viewed his statement as an invitation to sexually arouse and stimulate herself; she complied with his request by reclining on the floor, and laid on top of a full-sized bear-skin rug while grabbing the bedpost; meanwhile, he was watching an exercise program on TV from the end of the nearby bed and mimicking the exercises (he even performed a hand-stand) - oblivious to her sexual pleasure as she masturbated herself nearby
Seduction Scene with Love Starved, Self-Pleasuring Eve Rand
  • the film's ending took place during the memorial funeral of sickly businessman-financier Benjamin Turnbull Rand, while one of the pallbearers discussed the protagonist's bid for the Presidency: "I do believe, gentlemen, if we want to hold on to the Presidency, our one and only chance is Chauncey Gardiner"
  • in the mystical, incongruous conclusion (accompanied by off/on-screen voices), the totally innocent idiot Chance-Chauncey Gardiner, who had wandered away from the ceremony into a wooded area closeby, blithely stepped onto a pond and literally walked on the water as his Presidential candidacy was discussed off-screen; he tested the depth of the water with the length of his umbrella - and then continued walking away from the camera
  • the final words of the film were delivered by the President at the funeral, and were heard from a distance: "Life is a state of mind"

TV-Watching Chauncey

Black Maid Louise's Cynical Commentary on Chauncey

Dennis: "You like to, uh, watch?"

Garden Talk with the President (Jack Warden)

Funeral of Benjamin Rand

"Walking on Water"

Best in Show (2000)

  • director/writer Christopher Guest's satirical, quirky, and semi-improvised mockumentary film was about championship dog breeding and shows; mockumentary interviews were conducted with five different sets of neurotic, eccentric and quirky dog owners, and trainers who would be involved in Philadelphia's up-coming Mayflower Kennel Club Dog Show; the film opened with the voice-over of an unseen narrator: "I imagine the best place to start is at the beginning"

The Swans' "Beatrice" (Weimaraner)

The Flecks' Norwich Terrier "Winky"

Harlan's Bloodhound "Hubert"

Christy and Sherri Ann's White Poodle "Butch" (or Rhapsody in White)

Scott's and Stefan's Shih Tzu "Miss Agnes"

"Best in Show" Winner
The Film's Prominent Dogs
  • the first interview was with Meg Swan (Parker Posey) and her equally-yuppie husband Hamilton Swan (Michael Hitchcock) - a wealthy, materialistic, trendy, upwardly-mobile, catalogue-loving suburbanite couple; both were lawyers living in a suburb of Chicago known as Moordale, IL who were speaking with therapist Dr. Chuck Nelken (Jay Brazeau) - the two over-caring, obsessive and neurotic dog owners were worried that their gray Weimaraner named "Beatrice" had been traumatized and depressed after watching Meg engaged in experimental Kama Sutra style sex: ("We got a book, Kama Sutra. I lit some candles and, uh, played some music and got myself in a position that wasn't, uh, very easy for me emotionally. Uhm, it's called the Congress of the Cow, uh, where, uh, the woman is bent over, the hands are on the floor, and the man is behind")
  • the next couple to be introduced was nerdy middle-class Florida salesman Gerald "Gerry" Fleck (Eugene Levy), cursed with two left feet (literally), and his still-sexy ex-waitress wife "Cookie" (Catherine O'Hara) lived in Fern City, FL; they were asked questions about their Norwich terrier "Winky"; the two remarked how "Cookie" had "dozens" - actually "hundreds" of previous lovers and boyfriends, to Gerry's dismay and jealousy
  • a third individual Harlan Pepper (Christopher Guest, the film's director) was filmed in Pinenut, NC - he owned The Fishin' Hole, a fishing goods shop; he bragged about the breed of dog he owned, a bloodhound named "Hubert": "The Bloodhound, of all the breeds, is just such a noble, loyal, perfect dog. You can't find a better dog on the whole planet Earth"
  • in the Tribeca neighborhood of NYC, a gay couple composed of the gossipy, wildly-flamboyant Scott Donlan (John Michael Higgins) and hair salon proprietor Stefan Vanderhoof (Michael McKean), classic movie lovers, expressed great pride for their two Shih Tzus, "Miss Agnes" and non-competitive "Tyrone" and expected to win
  • at the Cabot mansion in Philadelphia, young and very buxom blonde trophy wife Sherri Ann Cabot (Jennifer Coolidge) and her very elderly, oblivious, senile 'sugar-daddy' 80 year-old husband Leslie Ward Cabot (Patrick Cranshaw) described their unusual marriage: ("We have an amazing relationship and it's very physical. I mean, he still pushes all my buttons. And uhm, you know, people say: 'Oh, but he's so much older than you.' And you know what? I'm the one having to push him away. We both have so much in common. We both love soup and uh, we love the outdoors, uh, we love snow peas, and uh, talking and not talking. Uh, we could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about"); they also spoke about their two-time defending winner, a white poodle named "Butch" (or Rhapsody in White) who was being trained by manly, short-haired handler Christy Cummings (Jane Lynch)
  • at the Swan home, the couple with matching sets of braces described how they met at Starbucks: ("We met at Starbucks, not the same Starbucks, where we saw each other at different Starbucks across the street from each other"); Hamilton remembered: "I remember what I was drinking when I met you - it was a Grande Espresso," and she affirmed: "That's right, and I thought that was really sexy"; the two reminisced about their similar likes - Macs, J. Crew, and L.L. Bean
  • it was slowly but conclusively revealed that lesbian dog trainer Christy Cummings and Sherri Ann Cabot with their prized dog "Butch" (or Rhapsody in White) were sex-partners ("Rhapsody has two mommies")
  • while traveling on the road in his RV from NC with his bloodhound "Hubert" to the dog show, Harlan told a memorable story about how he drove his mother mad by his unique talent of naming nuts: ("I used to be able to name every nut that there was. And it used to drive my mother crazy, because she used to say, 'Harlan Pepper, if you don't stop namin' nuts,' and the joke was, of course, that we lived in Pinenut, and I think that's what put it in my head at that - at that point. So I'd go to sleep - she'd hear me in the other room and she would just start yellin'. I'd say: 'Peanut. Hazelnut. Cashew nut. Macadamia nut.' That was the one that would send her into goin' crazy. She'd say: 'Would you stop namin' nuts!' And Hubert used to be able to make the sound, and he wasn't talkin', but he used to go "rrrawr rrawr" and it sounded like Macadamia nut. Pine nut, which is a nut, but it's also the name of a town. Pistachio nut. Red pistachio nut. Natural, all natural white pistachio nut")
  • on their meandering route to Philadelphia during stays with acquaintances, Cookie kept encountering ex-paramours who openly discussed their previous sexual activities, enraging Gerry, such as Max Berman (Larry Miller) who recalled an incident at the lake with her: "She was famous for putting her legs behind her head, she could get both legs behind her head"
  • meanwhile, aspiring ventriloquist Harlan practiced his vocal skills while parked at the side of the road for the night; while checking in at the Taft Hotel in Philadelphia, Scott was upset when the hotel manager Mark Schaefer (Ed Begley Jr.) stated harmlessly: "We have you down for a queen"; as Philadelphia residents, Sherri Ann and Christy were interviewed on WPHY-TV for the "AM Philadelphia" show hosted by Robin (Teryl Rothery) and her male counterpart (Tony Alcantar) after a cooking segment, when questions were asked about their dog show's two-time champion white poodle "Butch" (Rhapsody in White) and his strange grooming patterns; meanwhile, after finally arriving at the Taft, the financially-overdrawn Fleck couple with a faulty credit card were forced to sleep in the hotel's 3rd floor utility-storage room stock-piled with cleaning solutions for doggie accidents
  • during a welcome party hosted by the Chamber of Commerce in the Taft, Malcolm (Malcolm Stewart) approached Cookie and remembered her as a waitress at Louisville's Mint Julep almost 20 years earlier: "I've banged a lot of waitresses in my day, but you, you, you were the best by far"; referring to her breasts, he added: " Keep 'em up. Keep 'em up"
  • as the dog show commenced, the 125th annual Mayflower Kennel Club's competition for the "Best in Show," there was a frenzied and panicked search by the overzealous Swans for their Weimaraner Beatrice's favorite but missing "Busy Bee" squeeze toy - in the crate, and back in their Taft Hotel room suite: (Meg to hotel manager: "Of course I've looked under the bed, of course I've looked under the bed. That's where you look when you lose things...Thanks for your help, you stupid hotel manager!"), she had an additional tirade against a Latina cleaning house-keeping maid (Carmen Aguirre): ("I know a man who has a van and he will take you back to exactly where you came from!"), and Meg also frustratingly searched for a replacement toy in a pet store: ("No, that's a bear in a, in a bee costume...This?...This is a fish. This is a fish! You know what? Just shut up...I didn't ask for your opinion. I asked for a toy that you don't have!")

Buck Laughlin (Fred Willard)

Trevor Beckwith (Jim Piddock)
The Dog Show Commentators
  • the national dog show was emceed by the comical TV commentator Buck Laughlin (Fred Willard) who was joined by long-suffering co-host and dog expert Trevor Beckwith (Jim Piddock); Buck peppered his comments with lots of lewd comments and often-offensive jokes: ("When you look at how beautiful these dogs are, and to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten," and "If you're gonna put them on a football team, which would be your wide receiver, which would be your tight end? Who can go the farthest, the fastest?", and "Look at Scott! He is prancing along with the dog! Man, I tell you something, if you live in my neighborhood and you're dressed like that, you'd better be a hotel doorman", and "I don't think I ever could get used to being probed and prodded. I told my proctologist once: 'Hey, why don't you take me out to dinner and a movie sometime?'")
  • there were seven group competitions in the evening's show as the dogs progressed to the "Best in Show" title; the winning dog in the first "Hound" group competition was Harlan's Bloodhound "Hubert", and the winner in the second "Toy" group category was Stefan's Shih Tzu "Miss Agnes"; in the third "Terriers" competition, the Fleck's "Winky" won; during the judging of the category of "Sporting" or "Hunting" dogs, the Swan's dog "Beatrice" was dismissed for jumping onto the chief Judge Freda Dunlop (Corrine Koslo); in the "Non-Sporting" category, handler Christy's white poodle dog "Butch" (Rhapsody in White) also won
  • after seven preliminary rounds for specific categories won by most of the featured contestants (except for the Swans' "Beatrice"), Buck described the "Best of Show" competition: "The final seven. It's the bottom of the ninth inning. It's the goal line stand. It's the final round. And after all the grooming, the petting, the kibbles, the liver snaps..."; among the five featured contestants, the winner was the Fleck's "Winky" (who was out-performed by his handler, two-left-footed Gerry Fleck)
  • in the film's epilogue six months later, the winning Fleck couple back in Florida capitalized on increased celebrity attention by recording an audio tape of novelty songs about terrier dogs, and calling themselves "The Captain and Cookie"; Sherri Ann and Christy (in a "new level" of their sexual relationship) created a magazine titled "American Bitch" designed specifically for lesbian pure-bred dog owners like themselves; Harlan visited an Israeli kibbutz for three weeks, and fulfilled his dream of being a ventriloquist with a song and dance show, while the classic moving-loving male gay couple published a dog calendar with monthly images of their two costumed Shih Tzu dogs posed as characters in great love scenes (Gone with the Wind (1939), Casablanca (1942), The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1939), and the TV show McMillan and Wife (1971-76); the Swans told their therapist that they had happily acquired a pug dog named "Kipper" who wasn't upset by their love-making ("Our sex life is finally back on track...He likes to watch")

Meg Swan (Parker Posey) and Hamilton Swan (Michael Hitchcock) With Therapist

Gerald "Gerry" (Eugene Levy) and Cookie Fleck (Catherine O'Hara)

Harlan Pepper (Christopher Guest) - Owner of Pinenut, NC's Shop The Fishin' Hole

Stefan Vanderhoof (Michael McKean) and Scott Donlan (John Michael Higgins)

Leslie Ward Cabot (Patrick Cranshaw) and Sherri Ann Cabot (Jennifer Coolidge)

Christy Cummings (Jane Lynch)

On the Road to the Show, Harlan Pepper's Story About Naming Nuts

Kennel Club Dog Show at the Beyman Center

The Overzealous Swans with "Beatrice"

After Winning, the Flecks' Release of a Vocal Tape

Christy and Sherri Ann's Magazine Publication: "American Bitch"

Harlan's Ventriloquist Show

Beverly Hills Cop (1984)

  • in this "fish-out-of-water" comedy, the "Beverly Hills cop" character was comic, resourceful, street-smart renegade Detroit cop Axel Foley (on a working vacation in Southern California) (Eddie Murphy); the loudmouth Foley delivered fast-talking, rapid-fire laughs (with uncensored wisecracks) in almost every scene
  • in the film's opening, Detroit policeman Foley was recklessly conducting an unauthorized sting operation (regarding a truckload of smuggled cigarettes from Dearborn) that went awry; the two hustlers (Frank Pesce and Gene Borkan) escaped, and Foley was later reprimanded for his unapproved operation by his boss - Inspector Douglas Todd (Gilbert R. Hill); it was considered his "worst f--kup ever," according to co-worker Detective Jeffrey Friedman (Paul Reiser); Foley was threatened with losing his position: "One more time and you're out on the street"
  • Axel was present (but knocked unconscious) when his old "hoodlum friend" and ex-crime partner Michael "Mikey" Tandino (James Russo), who had recently returned from a job as a security guard in an art gallery warehouse in Beverly Hills with stolen German bearer bonds, was shot and killed by Zack (Jonathan Banks); Foley was ordered by Inspector Todd to stay out of the case; determined to learn more about the case and track down Mikey's killers, Foley was granted two weeks' vacation time - and was next seen driving around ritzy Beverly Hills taking in the sights in his dilapidated "crappy blue Chevy Nova"

Axel Foley (Eddie Murphy) Registering a Suite at the Beverly Palms Hotel
  • in a hotel registration scene at the front desk of the overbooked luxury Beverly Palm Hotel, Foley was posing as a Rolling Stone magazine reporter there to interview Michael Jackson; he was offered a suite by the flustered blonde desk clerk at the single-room rate ($235/night) after playing the race card: "Don't you think I realize what's going on here, miss? Who do you think I am, huh? Don't you think I know that if I was some hotshot from out of town that pulled inside here and you guys made a reservation mistake, I'd be the first one to get a room and I'd be upstairs relaxing right now. But I'm not some hotshot from out of town, I'm a small reporter from 'Rolling Stone' magazine that's in town to do an exclusive interview with Michael Jackson that's gonna be picked up by every major magazine in the country. I was gonna call the article 'Michael Jackson Is Sitting On Top of the World,' but now I think I might as well just call it 'Michael Jackson Can Sit On Top of the World Just As Long As He Doesn't Sit in the Beverly Palm Hotel 'Cause There's No Niggers Allowed in There!'"
  • meddling in the case, Foley met up with his old childhood friend Jenny Summers (Lisa Eilbacher) - she was manager of the Beverly Hills art gallery (the Hollis Benton Art Gallery on Wilshire Blvd) where Mikey had worked; he learned that she (and Mikey) were employed by international-British-born art dealer and gallery owner Victor Maitland (Steven Berkoff); posing as a flower deliveryman, Foley met face-to-face with Maitland in his office and confronted him; he was tossed through the main floor's glass window by Maitland's bodyguards including Zack - the art dealer's right-hand man
  • during his arrest, Foley was aghast and argued back at the arresting officers: ("Disturbing the peace? I got thrown out of a window! What's the f--kin' charge for getting pushed out of a moving car, huh? Jaywalking? This is bulls--t!"); on his way to the Beverly Hills police HQs in the back of a squad car, Foley mused: "You know, this is the cleanest and nicest police car I've ever been in in my life. This thing's nicer than my apartment"
  • he was detained (for a concealed weapon and disturbing the peace) and reprimanded by Lieut. Andrew Bogomil (Ronny Cox), uptight Det. Sgt. John Taggart (John Ashton) and his dim-witted assistant Det. "Billy" Rosewood (Judge Reinhold); after being bailed out by Jenny, Foley still suspected that Maitland's ten-year operation as a top art dealer was a cover-up for something else - he was apparently linked to the German bearer bonds and Mikey's murder
  • although tailed by Taggart and Rosewood, Foley distracted them by ordering room service for them in their car while he stuffed a banana into their unmarked car's exhaust pipe; he also entertained them at a striptease bar, where the embarrassed duo watched a topless stripper dance behind them (he told them: "Billy, you know, you don't have to be embarrassed if your dick gets hard. Your dick is supposed to get hard. See? That's the whole object of this"), before they worked together to foil an armed robbery attempt; however, the two detectives were removed for incompetence from the case and replaced
  • Foley again trailed shady art dealer Maitland in his black Mercedes from his gated BH mansion to the members-only, high-class Harrow Club for lunch; where he posed as Maitland's homosexual male hustler Ramon with the front desk clerk: ("Tell Victor that Ramon - the fella he met about a week ago? Tell him that Ramon went to the clinic today, and I found out that I have, um, herpes simplex 10, and I think Victor should go check himself out with his physician to make sure everything is fine before things start falling off on the man")
  • he gained entry and confronted Maitland and Zack, but was again arrested; Foley explained to an increasingly-irritated Lieut. Bogomil how Maitland was a "hot-shot art dealer" and also a smuggler who also dealt in crates filled with German bearer bonds - similar to the stolen ones found on Mikey when he was killed; Foley also suspected that drugs were packed in coffee grounds, found at the warehouse
  • although Foley was ordered by no-nonsense Chief of Police Hubbard (Stephen Elliott) to be escorted to the city limits and threatened to never return, he was able to convince demoted Det. Rosewood to help him blow the case wide open; at the warehouse with Rosewood and Jenny, Foley found evidence of cocaine packets buried in coffee grounds in a crate that hadn't passed through customs yet; however, they were apprehended by Maitland's henchmen, and Jenny was personally kidnapped and taken hostage by Maitland and driven to Maitland's mansion on Palm Canyon Road
  • during an assault on Maitland's house (with backup support from Bogomil's police forces), after a cat-and-mouse game with hitman Zack, Axel shot him dead but was wounded by Maitland, and then Jenny was rescued (and both Foley and Bogomil killed Maitland with blazing gunfire)
  • Foley was vindicated when Chief Hubbard was told (falsely) by Lieut. Bogomil that Foley had been acting in a joint Beverly Hills-Detroit narcotics trafficking investigation with Officers Rosewood and Taggart; Foley asked for a favor - to notify his boss back in Detroit and "straighten things out" - while threatening that he could possibly move to Beverly Hills permanently and work as a private detective if he lost his Detroit job
  • after Foley was treated at the hospital for a right arm wound, Taggart and Rosewood met Foley as he checked out of his hotel suite, and the trio decided to have a farewell beer in a respectable place before he left the city limits

Foley Thrown Out of Maitland's Office Glass Window and Arguing With Arresting Officers

In Back of Squad Car

Banana Into Cops' Tailpipe

With Taggert and Rosewood at a Stripclub Bar

Posing as Male Hustler Named Ramon at Country Club To Gain Entry

With Officers Rosewood and Taggart at Maitland's Mansion for Final Shootout

Maitland Shot Dead by Axel and Bogomil

Big (1988)

  • in director Penny Marshall's body transference and "fish-out-of-water" fantasy, it told about a 13 year-old boy in the body of a 30 year-old man
  • in a carnival scene one evening where teenaged 13 year Josh Baskin (David Moscow) was with his parents and baby sister Rachel, he was humiliated after being told that he was too short for the "Ring of Fire" roller coaster ride - witnessed by a pretty blonde female classmate Cynthia Benson (Kimberlee M. Davis)
  • by himself, he approached toward an automated, wish-granting machine known as "Zoltar Speaks"; after inserting 25 cents, suddenly Zoltar became animated with glowing red eyes and a sign lit up: ZOLTAR SAYS - MAKE YOUR WISH; he made a wish to be 'big' ("I wish I were big"); he received a card - from the strangely unplugged machine - telling him: "Your Wish is Granted" but didn't feel anything different
Making a Wish at the "Zoltar Speaks" Machine
  • the next morning, Josh became panicked when he realized, in front of his bathroom mirror, that he was a full-grown, unrecognizable young adult male (now Tom Hanks as a 30 year-old); he reached into his pocket and found the 'Zoltar Speaks' card in his wallet - informing him: "Your Wish is Granted"
  • Josh quickly rode his now-undersized bicycle back to the carnival grounds, but found them empty; he returned to his home in Cliffside Park NJ, where his freaked-out mother (Mercedes Ruehl) didn't recognize him and thought he was an intruder-kidnapper; to convince her of his identity, Josh pulled down his sweatpants to show her his birthmark behind his left knee, but she was even more aghast that he was wearing her son's underwear; he was forced to flee from his own house when she threateningly grabbed a butcher knife
  • fortunately, at his school, he was able to convince Billy Kopecki (Jared Rushton), his next-door neighbor and best friend, of his predicament, and confirmed his identity by singing a recognizable nonsense song; Billy stole cash and some of his father’s clothes for Josh, and the two rode together on a bus to New York City - to locate the Zoltar machine so that his life could be restored; soon after Billy helped Josh to find a cheap flophouse room at the St. James Hotel, where Josh cried himself to sleep; Billy left and promised to return the next day; meanwhile, Josh's parents filed a "Missing Persons" report
  • the boys' efforts at a Consumer Affairs office to locate the carnival or fair that might help reconnect them with Zoltar failed, and they were told their request required six weeks until they received results
  • in the meantime, Josh successfully applied for a computer operator data-entry job at the MacMillan Toy Company, after faking his Social Security number and his resume's work history
  • to assuage his distraught mother, he phoned her posing as Josh's kidnapper, and promised that Josh would soon be returned unharmed; he provided proof of his claims by answering her question about the song she would often sing to him ("The Way We Were")
  • in the film's most recognizable sequence, while Josh was in the main showroom of an F.A.O. Schwartz toy store on a weekend, he happened to meet the MacMillan Toys company executive boss "Mac" MacMillan (Robert Loggia), and quickly impressed him with his childlike enthusiasm and knowledge of toys; Josh enjoyed tap dancing and foot-tapping to the tunes Heart and Soul and Chopsticks on a giant, floor-sized and mounted electronic piano keyboard; soon after, Josh invited MacMillan to join him as a crowd of onlookers watched and applauded them
  • after MacMillan recognized Josh for his child-like intuition and ability to pick successful toy products, he was ultimately promoted to toy tester in charge of Product Development; however, his sudden advancement upset top-level co-workers: sexy yuppie toy executive Susan Lawrence (Elizabeth Perkins), and her competitive boyfriend Paul Davenport (John Heard)
  • with his salary, Josh rented a large loft apartment and transformed it into a childlike playroom with arcade games (a pinball machine), toys, a trampoline, and a basketball hoop
  • at a fancy MacMillan company office cocktail party, Josh was inappropriately dressed in a white tuxedo with sequins, and reacted to the hors d'oeuvres (miniature corn cobs) by eating them as if they were full-sized; Susan befriended him after seeing his awkwardness, and invited him to ride with her in her hired limousine to Josh’s apartment; during the ride, Josh was distracted by the limo's sunroof and kept popping out of the vehicle
  • Josh experienced a confused sexual relationship with Susan when she asked to spend the night with him; she misinterpreted her sexual interest in him and agreed to a "sleep-over" in bunk beds; he agreed to share his bunk bed with her - Susan: "I want to spend the night with you." Josh: "Do you mean sleep over?" Susan: "Well... yeah!" Josh (with a guileless reply): "Well, okay... but I get to be on top!"; afterwards, Josh jumped on a trampoline with Susan (viewed through windows from outside his apartment

"But I get to be on top!"

In Bunk Beds

  • Paul's jealous retaliation against Josh for stealing Susan away led to Susan's break up with Paul; during a tender, simple and innocent scene in Susan's apartment, he gently touched her breast through her bra before kissing her, and they spent the night together
  • Billy was finally able to receive a list of carnivals and fairs that he and Josh requested, but by this time, Josh had become completely distracted by his relationship with Susan, and he ignored and neglected Billy's demands that Josh listen to him and set his priorities straight
  • in a subdued scene, Josh returned to his hometown and walked around his neighborhood and school; he noticed younger kids, including his friend Billy, having playful fun and longed to return to the simple joys of childhood; later, during dinner with Susan, Josh attempted to explain his transformation and his real age ("I'm a child, Susan, and I'm - I'm not ready for all of this"), but she interpreted his fears as a lack of commitment, and dismissed what he was saying
  • eventually, Billy was able to inform Josh of a Zoltar machine at Sea Point Park; in a daze, Josh left the toy company (in the middle of a proposal presentation) and took a taxi to the park, where he made a wish to become a kid again; his wish was not fulfilled until he unplugged the machine to put it back into its magical mode of operation; Susan followed after him and realized that Josh's earlier confession about his transformation was actually true, and that their relationship would be ending; she declined Josh's offer to have her use the machine to turn herself into a little girl
  • in the conclusion, Susan drove Josh home, and outside his house she kissed his forehead before they parted ways; there was a poignant final shot of Susan watching Josh, who waved goodbye
  • he transformed into a 13 year-old boy again (with clothes that now didn't fit him) - he ran toward his home, calling out: "Mom?...I missed you all so much"
  • in the short epilogue, Josh and his friend Billy walked down the street discussing playing stick ball (to the instrumental tune of Heart and Soul)

(l to r): Billy Kopecki (Jared Rushton) and Josh Baskin (David Moscow)

In Roller-Coaster Line at the Carnival With Older Blonde Cynthia

The Bathroom Mirror - Unrecognizable

"Your Wish is Granted" Card

Josh's Freaked-Out Mother

Giant Electronic Piano Keyboard in an F.A.O. Schwartz Toy Showroom with "Mac" MacMillan (Robert Loggia)

In His Playroom Loft Apartment

Josh Eating Miniature Corn Cobs at a MacMillan Toy Company Cocktail Party

Josh's Grown-Up Relationship with Susan

During a Visit to His Hometown, Josh Remembered and Missed His 'Childhood'

After Waving Goodbye, Susan Witnessed His Transformation

Big Business (1929)

  • this famous silent 20 minute short (two-reeler), a comic slapstick about reciprocal destruction, was considered the best silent comedy from the team of Laurel and Hardy; this was one of their final silent comedies before they switched to sound films in March of 1929
  • portraying California door-to-door salesmen, Stan (Stan Laurel) and Ollie (Oliver Hardy) were selling Christmas trees loaded in the back of their open Model T
  • their first unmarried female customer (Lyle (pronounced as “Lily”) Tayo), who was asked if her husband wanted to buy a tree, responded that she had no husband; Stanley then inappropriately asked: "If you had a husband, would he buy one?"; she slammed the door on them
  • at their second house, the two ignored a "POSITIVELY NO PEDDLERS OR SOLICITORS" sign, and Oliver then boasted: "It's personality that wins"; after they rang the doorbell, the homeowner reprimanded Oliver with a blow to the top of his head from a hammer
  • a third disgruntled homeowner (James Finlayson), a bald and squinting individual, at their next house became exasperated when the pair kept getting their Xmas tree branches caught in his front door; after being soundly rejected, Stanley proposed: "I've got a big business idea" and persistently returned to the front door to ask the customer for a future order: "Could I take your order for next year?"; the man departed for a moment and returned with a giant pair of hedge-clippers - he responded by cutting one of their trees into pieces
  • in retaliation, Stanley used a pocket knife to remove the home's address numbers, and then carved part of the frame of the wooden front door; the customer reciprocated by smashing Ollie's pocket watch on the front steps; Ollie vengefully used the pocket knife to destroy the front doorbell; the man phoned the police: "Give me the patrol wagon!" but Stanley cut his phone wire; he again retaliated by using a pair of scissors to cut a piece out of Ollie's shirt and to slice his tie in two
  • the duo engaged in an escalating vindictive fight with the man; the two destroyed more of his home by pulling off a porch light and smashing the front window after he had vandalized their Model T by yanking off a headlight and smashing their windshield; the enraged homeowner then proceeded to pull off one of the vehicle's doors; the two returned to the home and pulled up landscaping in his yard and then entered his home and broke down the front door; he proceeded to their car and removed the steering wheel and destroyed their remaining inventory of trees
  • Stan and Ollie used an axe to destroy the home's front awning and windows and cut down shrubbery, and with a shovel they dug up the front lawn, while the man continued to completely dismantle and destroy the remaining parts of the Model T; Stanley entered the house and began throwing out pieces of furniture, vases, and other breakable items (Ollie practiced his baseball batting by swinging at the objects with the shovel); Ollie also destroyed the home's brick chimney; the last item to be vandalized by Stanley was the home's piano
  • a burly but stoic policeman (Stanley John "Tiny" Sandford) sat in his vehicle and calmly watched (while writing up citations) before approaching closer to further observe the destruction; finally he was able to bring a peaceful resolution to the feud, and everyone (including the large crowd) broke out hankies for a good cry, although Stan and Ollie were faking their tears
  • as a peace offering, Stan and Ollie freely offered the homeowner a cigar (with a "Merry Christmas" wish), but as the man sat down to smoke it, the explosive "trick" cigar blew up in his face

Stan and Ollie - Xmas Tree Salesmen

Tit for Tat Destruction of Property

Sneering Eye-Popping, Exasperated Home Owner (James Finlayson)

Police Officer (Stanley John "Tiny" Sandford) Observing the Chaotic Destruction

The Explosive "Trick" Cigar

Big Deal on Madonna Street (1958, It.) (aka I Soliti Ignoti)

  • director Mario Monicelli's wacky, satirical crime caper comedy (literally translated "Usual Unknowns") that was intended as a spoof of director Jules Dassin's Rififi (1955, Fr.) and John Huston's The Asphalt Jungle (1950), has been considered one of the best examples of Italian cinema; it was the first of nine collaborations between Monicelli and actor Vittorio Gassman
  • it told about an amateurish, inept and incompetent group of misfit Italians (mostly petty thieves and crooks) who planned the perfect crime that ultimately went very wrong - the robbery of a state-run pawnshop's safe in Rome on "Via della Madonna"
  • the heist was masterminded by Giuseppe 'Peppe er Pantera' Baiocchi (Vittorio Gassman), a womanizing, conniving, washed-up boxer; while briefly jailed and pretending to be sentenced to three years, he fooled inmate crook Cosimo (Memmo Carotenuto) - who was in jail for car theft - into divulging plans for a pawn shop heist; after learning all the details, Peppe revealed he was only on probation and walked out of prison
  • to execute the pawn shop robbery, Peppe then recruited members of Cosimo's gang - a group of inexperienced crooks - to execute the plan:
    • Tiberio Braschi (Marcello Mastroianni), an unemployed cameraless photographer and photo-journalist who was baby-sitting his squawling infant while his wife was jailed for smuggling black market cigarettes
    • Michele 'Ferribotte' Nicosia (Tiberio Murgia), a proud, hot-tempered Sicilian (who kept his pretty sister named Carmelina (20 year-old upcoming star Claudia Cardinale) under lock and key to assure that she was virginally chaste for her upcoming wedding to her fiancee)
    • Mario Angeletti (Renato Salvatori), a young rookie thief and unemployed orphan, a ladies' man who fell in love with fellow crook Michele's sister Carmelina
    • Pierluigi 'Capannelle' (Carlo Pisacane), an elderly, one-toothed, washed-up, ex-jockey and pickpocket who was always hungry
    • Dante Cruciani (Italian stage star and comedian Toto), an on-parole, 'retired' safecracker (with ridiculous tools such as a cheese grater) who was paid to be the gang's mentor and offer ridiculous lessons on safecracking that were often interrupted by police visits and noisy children
  • the idea was to break through the thin wall of an adjacent apartment to gain entry into the pawnshop and acquire access to its safe
  • during the planning stages, Tiberio stole a movie camera from a flea market, and with the inadequate camera, he shot jerky surveillance footage of the pawn shop (and projected it for the gang members), including trial footage of his young baby; he failed in his attempt to view the pawn shop safe's combination with a telephoto lens
Tiberio's Projected Footage of Pawn Shop - With Trial Shots of His Baby Mixed In
  • during the heist planning, Peppe fell in love with the pretty maid Nicoletta (Carla Gravina) who was employed by the elderly lady spinsters ("two old hags") who lived in the apartment; while kissing her on a tram, he was able to purloin the keys to the apartment out of her purse, and she reacted: "You take my breath away," but then he showed them to her when she became frantic
  • in the climactic scene, many elements of the break-in plan fell through and it was a complete failure; Mario quit the group to pursue romance with Carmelina; Tiberio's arm was broken by the angered flea market proprietor, and he became somewhat hampered by the injury; entry into the apartment in the middle of the night via a rooftop was delayed by an argument between a feuding couple

The Thieves Delayed When Entering the Apartment Via a Rooftop

Ruptured Water Pipe in Wall
  • and finally after gaining access to the apartment, as the crooks drilled through the wall, they ruptured a water pipe and caused a flood of water; they also realized that after a considerable amount of time, they had mistakenly broken through the wrong wall: ("That's the wrong wall! Damn it! We really blew it!") - one that led into the apartment's kitchen since the elderly tenants had recently rearranged the furniture and disoriented them
  • with no time left, the loveable and hungry but loser-crooks sat around for a midnight meal of pasta e fagioli (traditional pasta and bean soup) after raiding the kitchen's refrigerator, while Capannelle accidentally blew up the gas stove while attempting to light it with a match; the huge explosion covered their faces with dark ash; the foursome marched home through the streets at dawn, and one-by-one split off in different directions
  • the film concluded with a newspaper article describing "the big deal" - an apartment robbery break-in and the theft of pasta with beans: "Persons unknown bore a hole to steal pasta and beans. The police are still investigating a strange burglary from last night. A group of thieves broke into an apartment in Via delle Madonne through a window overlooking the..."

While Briefly in Jail, Peppe Learned of Plans From Cosimo for a Pawn Shop Heist

Recruited Gang Members: (l to r): Capannelle, Michele, Tiberio (with child), and Mario

Mario With Carmelina (Claudia Cardinale)

One of Dante's (Toto) Tutorial Lessons on Safecracking

Peppe in Love With Maid Nicoletta

Crooks Sitting Around Kitchen Table Eating After Breaking Through the Wrong Apartment Wall

The Loser-Crooks Returning Home at Dawn

Concluding Article About Robbery

The Big Lebowski (1998)

  • this quirky Coen Brothers stoner comedy was a Philip Marlowe-style LA neo-noir
  • the opening scene narrated by the Stranger (Sam Elliott) introduced bearded hippie, disheveled, pot-smoking, slacker, unemployed slob Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski (Jeff Bridges), wandering in the aisles of a Los Angeles Ralph's grocery store late at night, and smelling a carton of Half & Half before writing a check for $.69 cents
  • upon Lebowski's return home to his Venice Beach (California) bungalow, he was assaulted by two debt-collecting thugs (Mark Pellegrino) and Woo (Philip Moon), who alleged that The Dude owed them money: ("Don't f--k with us! Your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn. That means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn") - they roughed him up and then Woo peed on the Dude's favorite carpet: (The Dude complained: "No, no, don't do that! Not on the rug, man"), but then after realizing that the Dude was the wrong individual, the goons took off: ("He looks like a f--kin' loser...F--king time wasted. Thanks a lot, asshole")
  • the Dude commiserated with his bowling buddies: uptight nutcase Vietnam war veteran Walter Sobchak (John Goodman) and ex-surfer Donny (Steve Buscemi), about his ruined, valued rug that was peeded upon by the Chinaman Woo ("Yeah, man, it really tied the room together")
  • The Dude, wearing shorts and a T-shirt, visited the Pasadena, CA home of wheel-chair bound philanthropist millionaire Jeffrey 'The Big' Lebowski (David Huddleston) - his namesake; he was there to complain about and demand compensation from Lebowski for the mistaken attack by two hoods (due to a mix-up of addresses for "Lebowski"); the thugs were actually targeting Mr. Lebowski's indebted, promiscuous trophy wife Bunny (Tara Reid), a porn actress
  • the Dude introduced himself to "The Big" Lebowski: ("You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. You know, uh, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or uh, you know, El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing")
  • Mr. Lebowski offered employment advice to the laid-back Dude: ("My wife is not the issue here! I hope that someday my wife will learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she does not, that is her problem, not mine, just as the rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility, regardless of who he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs. Some Chinaman took them from me in Korea. But I went out and achieved anyway. I cannot solve your problems, sir, only you can....Yes, that's your answer. That's your answer to everything. Tattoo it on your forehead. Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! My advice to you is to do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose! Do you hear me, Lebowski?! The bums will always lose!"); in response, the Dude briefly answered: "Oh, F--k it!" and abruptly left
  • on his way out of the Lebowski estate, the Dude met up with the millionaire's sexy young wife Bunny, a free-spirited nymphomaniac, and one of the porn stars of sleaze king mobster Jackie Treehorn (Ben Gazzara); while painting her toenails, she offered the Dude: ("I'll suck your c--k for $1,000 dollars")
  • afterwards, the Dude was hired (for a promised $20K) by his namesake to serve as a courier to deliver ransom money of $1 million to free the allegedly-kidnapped Bunny
  • along the way, the Dude met Mr. Lebowski's estranged daughter Maude Lebowski (Julianne Moore), an eccentric, super-stoic, avante-garde feminist artist, exhibited living erotic art to the Dude; she delivered a "vagina monologue": ("Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?...My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal, which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina....Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say, whereas without batting an eye, a man will refer to his d--k or his rod or his Johnson")
  • in one of the film's most unique sequences ("Gutterballs"), the Dude experienced a fanciful Busby-Berkeley inspired musical dream of bowling after being slipped a mickey in his White Russian cocktail by Jackie Treehorn; the Dude's dream was filled with images including the Viking Queen, Saddam Hussein, and bowling
  • at the Dude's bowling alley, competitive, flamboyant, lavender-jump-suited Latino bowler Jesus Quintana (John Turturro) (with a long painted pinky fingernail on one of his ring-laden fingers, who seductively licked his bowling ball) rolled a strike, then did a strange victory dance to the Spanish-tinged tune of Hotel California; then he threatened the Dude: "Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy s--t with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, and stick it up your ass and pull the f--kin' trigger 'til it goes click....Nobody f--ks with the Jesus..."

Bowler Jesus Quintana Seductively Licking His Bowling Ball

Bowler Jesus Quintana: "Nobody f--ks with the Jesus..."
  • Walter had nothing but bad things to say about Jesus: "He's a sex offender with a record. He did six months in Chino for exposin' himself to an eight year old...When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast"; of course, Donny asked: "What's a pederast, Walter?" and was rebuked as usual: "Shut the f--k up, Donny"
  • at the bowling alley during competition, the Dude's bowling buddy Walter told rival bowler Smokey (Jimmie Dale Gilmore) that he had committed a minor infraction of bowling league rules by fouling over the line - accompanied by scary, gun-wielding threats: "You're entering a world of pain" and "Mark it zero"

Walter: "You're entering a world of pain"

'The Dude' Scattering Donny's Ashes in the Wind
  • later in the confusing plot, the Dude theorized that Mr. Lebowski had chosen him as a courier (with a briefcase empty of cash) for the $1 million to pay off Bunny's kidnappers, assuming that the "deadbeat" would screw things up and could be used as a scapegoat; Lebowski was a fraud and phony who was actually poorer than he claimed; his intention was never to get Bunny back. Instead, he wanted her dead while he embezzled the 'ransom money' derived from his charity program/foundation - the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers. The ransom demands came not from pornographer Treehorn, to whom Bunny owed money, but from three opportunistic German nihilists (one of whom was Bunny's boyfriend) who thought they could con Bunny's rich husband Mr. Lebowski with ransom demands
  • after Donny's death following a fatal heart attack, Walter and the 'Dude' prepared to scatter Donny's cremated ashes from a Folger's coffee can on a windy cliff-side; first, Walter delivered a rambling eulogy: ("Donny was a good bowler and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors and bowling. And as a surfer, he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and up to Pismo. He died, he died, as so many men of his generation, before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright, flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Lan Doc, and Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. So did Donny. Donny who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabatsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince"); however, the breeze blew the ashes back - and all over the Dude's face
  • in the concluding scene set at a bar in the bowling alley, the Stranger discovered how the Dude was doing: "Oh, you know, strikes and gutters, ups and downs." As the Dude wandered off, he bid goodbye: "The Dude abides." The Stranger expressed his hope that the Dude and Walter would win their upcoming bowling tournament, and stated that Maude was pregnant with a "little Lebowski" - not with Maude's surname but with the Dude's surname!

Introduction of 'The Dude' in a Grocery Store

Woo Peeing on the Dude's Rug: "No, no, don't do that! Not on the rug, man"

The Dude Commiserated with his Bowling Buddies: Walter and Donny

The Dude with Mr. Lebowski: "You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude"

Mr. Lebowski's Nympho Wife Bunny (Tara Reid)

Mr. Lebowski's Estranged Daughter Maude (Julianne Moore)

Gutterballs Dream Fantasy

Billy Madison (1995)

  • director Tamra Davis' gross-out, low-brow farcical comedy was about an immature, childish, spoiled, 27 year-old rich kid named William "Billy" Madison (Adam Sandler); it was self-described as "a comedy about an overwhelming underachiever"
  • the obnoxious, infantile, unmotivated and irresponsible Billy spent most of his days drinking, lounging on a pool float at his father's estate awaiting the mail delivery of nude magazines, and generally causing problems; the film's tagline established the title character's main issue: "To inherit his family's fortune, Billy is going back to school... Way back"
  • as an example, while taking a bubble bath, Billy acted out an argument between his shampoo and conditioner bottles about which one was better ("Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair. Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth"); afterwards, he retorted toward his gold, swan-shaped bathtub spout: "Stop looking at me, Swan!"
  • the underachieving, idiotic Billy was due to be the prospective heir of his retiring, tycoonish father Brian Madison's (Darren McGavin) wealth, by acquiring his Madison Hotel business chain (a Fortune 500 company); after disrupting an important business dinner in his home with gibberish talk and the slurping of soup, Billy's father claimed that he didn't trust Billy's ability, and proposed transferring ownership to his Harvard-educated, executive VP Eric Gordon (Bradley Whitford)
  • Brian admitted to his son that he had underhandedly bribed Billy's school teachers to give him passing grades so that he could graduate; as a result, Billy decided to accept the challenge to demonstrate his competence by redoing Grades 1-12 in 24 weeks (2 weeks for each grade): ("First Grade through Twelfth Grade all over again. I'll do each grade in two weeks, take the test, re-graduate, prove to you I'm not an idiot, and then I get to take over Madison Hotels")

Billy Passing Second Grade: "I am the smartest man alive"

In an Elementary School Classroom

A Scolding by His 3rd Grade Teacher Veronica Vaughn (Bridgette Wilson) For Making Fun of Another Student
  • during Billy's schooling, when asked to show off his cursive writing on the blackboard, he was stumped with the word "Rizzuto" and she ridiculed his spelling of "Rirruto" - Billy complaned to his teacher: "That's not fair! Rizzuto's not a word! He's a baseball player! You're cheating!"; when she suggested that he write out the word: "Buzz," he yelled out: "I hate cursive and I hate all of you!"
  • and then during a field trip, Billy shielded the embarrassment of schoolboy Kyle (Kyle Bailey) by splashing water on his crotch and making it look like he also peed in his pants - he told the class: "Of course I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest"; the elderly docent-guide (Gladys O'Connor) quipped: "If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis"; as the students boarded the bus, all of them had wet pants

Stumped Writing the Word "Rizzuto" During Cursive Practice

Billy Bragging About Peeing in His Pants

Billy Making a Scene in HS Science Class with Labmate
  • in his high school science class during a boring lesson about chlorophyll, Billy delivered an outburst toward the teacher's lecture: "Chlorophyll? More like BOREophyll"; when his female labmate called him a "loser," he made a scene, accusing her of inappropriate behavior: "No, I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? This girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talkin' about God knows what and all she's talkin' about is makin' out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll"
  • after being bullied in HS, Billy visited his 3rd grade class, where one of the boys told him: "I can't wait till I go to hike school"; Billy grabbed the boy's chubby cheeks, shook his head and stressed: "Don't you say that. Don't you ever say that. Stay here. Stay here as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it. You have to cherish it"
  • Billy decided to quit his schooling and drop out, but his 3rd grade teacher Veronica beat him up and urged him to go back to school; in a make-believe musical with her (dressed in a German fraulein dress), he sang about how he was going to change his life: ("Yes, I will go back to school"), and agreed with her when she asked: "Don't I have a nice rack?"
  • before going back to school (and at other low points in Billy's life in the film), the drunken Billy hallucinated seeing giant human-sized penguins
  • Eric made concerted efforts to derail Billy's educational progress by blackmailing Billy's elementary school Principal Max Anderson (Josh Mostel) about his past; he was an ex-professional wrestler who was known as the "Revolting Blob" who accidentally killed an opponent in the ring in June of 1983 ("he sat on some guy's head and killed him"); Max was compelled to lie about Billy with false accusations that he used bribery to cheat his way through and acquire high grades, resulting in Billy's father deciding to cancel his retraining challenge and offer the chairmanship of the business to Eric; however, the distraught Billy was able to challenge Eric to an academic decathlon to settle their long-running dispute
  • during a preparatory quiz session with his sexy 3rd grade teacher - now his girlfriend, while in a tent with her, she asked him trivia questions about important history dates, and if he answered correctly, she would remove an item of clothing; when he couldn't come up with the correct answer for the date of The Spanish Armada, he begged to be given time before she reclothed herself: "Come on, I swear - Just hang in there one second. Please, God, give me the answer!"; later, when he answered correctly ("That is correct!"), he was rewarded with a striptease - not from Veronica but from the school bus driver (Chris Farley)
  • at the end of the closely-contested academic decathlon (after competitions in many areas, including trigonometry equations, home economics (baking), a track running race, chemistry, music, and theatrical-drama), both Eric and Billy had demonstrated excellence in different areas of expertise; they were about to participate in the decathlon's final event - a game-show, Jeopardy!-style academic competition before a cheering Knibb High audience
  • when the category of "REFLECTIONS OF SOCIETY IN LITERATURE" was chosen by Eric for Billy's question, he responded by comparing the Industrial Revolution to a children's story: The Puppy Who Lost His Way: ("...the puppy was like industry. In that, they were both lost in the woods. And nobody, especially the little boy - society - knew where to find them. Except that the puppy was a dog. But the industry, my friends, that was a revolution"; after a pause, he added: "Knibb High football rules!" - prompting audience cheers)

Billy: "The Puppy Who Lost His Way"

The Principal's/Judge's Put-Down of Billy's Speech

"A simple wrong would've done just fine"
  • the Principal/Judge (James Downey) of the event delivered a blistering criticism of Billy's dim-witted speech: "Mr. Madison, what you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul"; Billy sheepishly replied to the insult: "Okay, a simple wrong would've done just fine"
  • when it was Eric's turn to answer a question on Business Ethics (supposedly his area of expertise and training) ("Explain business ethics and how they are applied today"); Eric broke down, and pulled out a hand-gun; Max prevented Eric from shooting Billy, but then Eric attempted to shoot Billy's 3rd grade teacher-girlfriend Veronica Vaughn who ran toward the stage; his effort to harm Veronica was prevented by a crazed Danny McGrath (Steve Buscemi) wielding a rifle in the back of the auditorium who shot Eric in the buttocks; (Earlier in the film, Billy had phoned Danny and apologized for bullying him in high school); Danny waved at Billy after the gunshot, and Billy was thankful ("Man, I'm glad I called that guy")
  • in the film's conclusion, Billy's HS graduation scene, he announced that he wasn't destined to be a hotel empire businessman; he described his goal to attend college and acquire training as a teacher, and turned over the business to his father's associate operations manager and business partner Carl Alphonse (Larry Hankin)

In his Bathtub - Acting Out an Argument Between His Shampoo and Conditioner Bottles

William "Billy" Madison (Adam Sandler) Acting Childishly and Obnoxiously

Billy's Wealthy, Exasperated Father Brian Madison (Darren McGavin)

Billy Urging a 3rd Grader to Not Wish to Be Older and in HS By Jiggling His Cheeks

Billy Singing: "Yes, I will go back to school..."

Veronica: "Don't I have a nice rack?"

Veronica Quizzing Billy With Trivia Questions - To Be Rewarded With a Striptease

The Striptease Came Not from Veronica But From the Fat Bus Driver (Chris Farley): "That is correct!"

Home Economics - Baking Competition - Eric in Flames

Eric vs. Billy During Academic Decathlon Game Show Questioning

Eric's Freak-Out While Answering a Question on Business Ethics

Wrestler Max Preventing Eric From Shooting Billy

Greatest Funniest Movie Moments and Scenes
(alphabetical order, by film title)
Intro | A1 | A2 | B1 | B2 | C1 | C2 | D1 | D2 | E | F | G | H-I | J-K-L
M1 | M2 | N-O | P1 | P2 | Q-R | S1 | S2 | T | U-V-W-X-Y-Z

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