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The Man With Two Brains (1983)
In director Carl Reiner's sci-fi comedy:
- the opening car interview of brilliant brain neurosurgeon
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr (Steve Martin), a widower and the inventor
of the easy-access "Screw-Top Brain" surgery technique
explaining his choice of science for his career: ("I don't
know if I was interested so much in the science as I was the slime
that goes along with it. Snakes and frogs. And when I saw how slimy
the human brain was, I-I knew that's what I wanted to do with the
rest of my life")
- the accident that claimed the life of gold-digger
Dolores Benedict (Kathleen Turner)
- and then Dr. Hfuhruhurr's series of long, complicated
instructions to a little-girl bystander to call paramedics to an
accident scene, who repeated or recited back his detailed directions
perfectly, and then added her own medical diagnosis and criticism:
("ER, North Bank General Hospital, 932-1000. Set up O.R. 6,
contact anesthesiologist Isadore Tourick, 472-2112, beep 12. Ambulance
with paramedics and light IV, D-5, and W, KVO...Sounds like a subdural
hematoma to me"); incensed, Hfuhruhurr barked back: "Three
years of nursery school and you think you know it all. Well, you're
still wet behind the ears. It's not a subdural hematoma. It's epidural.
Ha!"
- the pubic-hair shaving scene in the hospitl operating
room , when Dr. Hfuhruhurr questioned his assistant orderly, who
was shaving or grooming the genital area of his patient Dolores before
brain surgery, in honor of Valentine's Day: ("- What is that?
- It's a vagina. - I know what it is. I mean, what are you doing?
- Shaving her. - This is a brain operation. - I know. - What's that
supposed to be - a heart? - Yes, sir. Clive and I thought that since
it's Valentine's Day, that... - You don't have to shave her anywhere.
We'll be using my Cranial Screwtop method of entry into the brain.
- Fine. Yes, sir. - I never wanna see that again. I suppose if it
were Christmas, you'd hang ornaments on it.")
- Hfuhruhrr's gift of a book of poems written by John
Lilyson to his hospitalized wife Dolores Benedict, including
"Pointy Birds": ("Oh pointy birds, oh pointy pointy,
anoint my head, anointy-nointy...") - Lilyson "died in 1894.
He was the first person ever to be hit by a car"; as she activated
the mechanical bed's lower portion to rise - to bring him closer for
their lips to kiss, he lovingly spoke: ("Poor little bird. So
fragile. So naive. So childlike. So shy. So chaste. So innocent")
- and they were soon married, bedside
- the scene of seductive, gold-digging, teasing femme
fatale Dolores in a skimpy nightgown with Dr. Hfuhruhrr's before
their first anticipated night of sex together: ("Does this
do anything for you?...Good. I want our first night together to
be exciting....I hope the waiting hasn't been too hard on you.
There's something I have to tell you. This fits very snug. And
you may have some trouble getting it off me. You may have to tear
it off my body") - he was cooperatively ready: "I can
tear. I like tearing"; however, Dr. Hfuhruhurr had frustrated
reactions to her feigned illness (of debilitating headaches) to
delay the consummation of her marriage to him (causing him to erotically
tongue an X-ray of her skull, run up walls and break doorknobs
off from pent-up tension)
- the "citizen's divorce" scene during a European
business trip, when Dr. Hfuhruhurr caught his wife propositioning
a client in their Viennese hotel bedroom for $15,000 to just touch
her rear-end; after throwing the man out, he claimed that she was
ruining their marriage, and she retorted: ("Why? Because you
don't want me to work? You don't want me to earn my own money? Have
my own career?"); he asserted: ("You call this a career!...Dolores,
I'm making a citizen's divorce...By the powers vested in me, I hereby
declare our marriage null and void. E pluribus unum")
- the classic scene of widowed Dr. Hfuhruhurr driving
with his dead ("dead drunk") wife Dolores Benedict in the
seat next to him, when he was stopped by a Viennese Austrian policeman
(Warwick Sims) for speeding; he was required to pass an impossible
drunk-driving test with these instructions: ("Get out of the
car. Stretch out your arms and touch your nose with your finger.
Now walk this white line. Come back. On your hands. One hand. Now,
roll over, turn over and flip-flop. All right. Now juggle these,
do a tap dance and sing the 'Catalina Magdalena Hoopensteiner Wallendiner'
song"); Dr. Hfuhruhurr passed and was not suspected of being
drunk, but complained: "God damn, your drug tests are hard!"
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"Citizen's Divorce" Scene
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Impossible Drunk-Driving Test
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- Hfuhruhurr's love affair after he realized he could
communicate telepathically with pickled disembodied brain # 21
(inside a jar in a Vienna doctor's laboratory), named Anne Uumellmahaye
(voice of Sissy Spacek), who at first introduced herself: ("Anne.
Anne Uumellmahaye"); he spelled it out for confirmation: ("U-U-M-E-L-L-M-A-H-A-Y-E")
- and soon, he placed a pair of wax rubber lips on her to kiss
- also the funny encounter, in his search for a body
for his 'brain' soulmate, with a dumb, big-breasted, aggravatingly-voiced
American hooker named Fran (Randi Brooks) and her reaction to being
injected with window cleaner in her behind so that he could insert
Anne's brain into her body: "I don't mind!"
- the revelation of the identity of the serial Elevator
Killer who killed Dolores: Merv Griffin (Himself) in a cameo role,
who explained: ("I've always just loved to kill. I've really
enjoyed it. But then I got famous, and - it's just too hard for me.
And so many witnesses. I mean, everybody recognized me. I
couldn't even work anymore. I'd hear: 'Who's that lurking over there?
Isn't that Merv Griffin?'")
- and the funny ending - after Anne's brain had been
transplanted into Dolores' body - in which Anne's compulsive overeating
caused Dolores' body to inflate - Hfuhruhurr sweetly overlooked her
weight problem (although he struggled to carry her over the threshold
after their wedding -- with his knees buckling) during the end credits,
with the statement: ("Merv Griffin did not turn himself in and
is at large. If you have any information as to his whereabouts, call
your local theatre manager")
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Dr. Hfuhruhurr Explaining Career Choice
Death of Dolores Benedict
Instructions for Paramedic
Pubic Hair Shaving
Kissing Patient
Dolores - Seductive and Teasing
Licking X-ray of Dolores' Skull
Love Affair with Disembodied Brain
Fran (Randi Brooks)
Serial Elevator Killer - Merv Griffin
Ending
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