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Mighty Aphrodite (1995)
In Woody Allen's comedy, with a clever but overused
Greek Chorus (led by F. Murray Abraham) that observed and made comments
on the plot:
- the opening sequence - the appearance of a Greek
Chorus in an ancient amphitheatre, repeating in unison a warning
to mankind about those who tempted fate: ("Woe unto man. Brave
Achilles, slain in trial by blood - for prize, the bride of Menelaus.
And father of Antigone, ruler of Thebes, self-rendered sightless
by lust for expiation. Lost victim of bewildered desire. Nor has
Jason's wife fared better. Giving life only to reclaim it in vengeful
fury. (Leader) For to understand the ways of the heart is to grasp
as clearly the malice or ineptitude of the gods, who, in their
vain and clumsy labors to create a flawless surrogate, have left
mankind but dazed and incomplete. Take, for instance, the case
of Lenny Weinrib, a tale as Greek and timeless as fate itself")
- the plot premise - the adoption of a son named Max,
by neurotic sportswriter Lenny Weinrib (Woody Allen) and his art
gallery owner wife Amanda (Helena Bonham Carter), to resolve issues
in their unhappy marriage - subsequently, Lenny went on a search
to locate Max's biological mother
- the first encounter of adoptive father Lenny with
dumb, high-pitched-voiced, crude, horny, classless and blonde long-legged
prostitute/porn actress Linda Ash/Judy Cum (an Oscar-winning performance
by Mira Sorvino) - she appeared at her apartment door ("Hi,
are you my 3 o'clock?") thinking that he was a "high-strung" male
"john" - a married client who was overdue for fellatio ("It
looks like it's been a long time since you had a great blow job"),
and she later affirmed: "You want to know why I liked you right
from the start?... 'Cause I'm always attracted to losers...You got
no confidence. It's sweet. I like that in a man. I can't stand those
johns who come in here and throw down a couple of hundred and whip
out a big dick and wave it all over the joint"
- and her gleeful observation as she showed him her
recently-acquired erotic antique watch, a gift that she recently
received: ("As the main spring goes back and forth, the bishop
keeps f--king her in the ass. It's a genuine antique and it keeps
perfect time")
- her incredulous reaction that the extremely nervous
Lenny didn't want to sleep with her, after he made numerous comments
or attempts about reforming, saving, or changing Linda from her hooker
sex-trade to something more domestic ("If you're serious about
being a Broadway actress, what are you wasting your time with all
this porn for?...I just think it's crazy. You're an attractive young
woman...You don't have to live like this, Linda.... You take money
from guys and you perform all these acts...You could have a husband
and a child or something") - and ultimately, she called him "possessive",
returned his money and dismissed him from her apartment
- later, during a lunch meal in a restaurant, Linda's
description to Lenny of her biological father and her incredulous,
miserable life: "Oh, he was a drug pusher and he was also a
car thief, and he picked pockets and, you know, he burgled and stuff
and he was an epileptic... mail fraud... that's what they caught
him on...so then I ran away when I was 14....and I went away with
this musician named Johnny. And it was terrible because we fought
all the time, Lenny. Finally, he committed suicide. And for years
I thought it was because of my cooking. He always hated my clam sauce.
And so then I kicked around from Chicago, Philadelphia, you know.
All over the place. And I ended up here...I waited on tables. I worked
in a massage parlor. I did phone sex. Now and then I would, you know,
turn a few tricks in order to make some dough. And one day my friend
Susie calls me and she asks me if I want to be in a film. Something
called Snatch Happy. And I said, 'Sure.' And I remember I was very
nervous because I'd never done it in front of people with a camera
before, you know. And so there I am on the first day, on the set.
And there's this guy f--king me from behind, right? And there's these
two huge guys dressed like cops in my mouth at the same time. And
I remember thinking to myself, 'I like acting. I wanna study'"
- in their third meeting together, the revelation that
she was the mother of his adopted son Max (due to a broken condom):
"I had a kid, Lenny, and I gave him up for adoption. It's the
sorriest thing I ever did in my entire life. There's not a day that
doesn't go by that I don't wake up thinking about him. Now some lucky
family has him. I just hope to God that they're taking good care of
him...I was all confused. I had no dough. I-I-- I didn't know what
to do. I-- I didn't even know who the father was. It could've been
any one of a hundred guys. Welcome to planet Earth, thanks to a broken
condom"
- the bittersweet twist ending (with the Chorus urging: "When
You're Smiling (The Whole World Smiles with You)") when they
both met about a year later in a toy store - Linda was now married,
with a regular job as a hairdresser, and she was pushing a baby in
a stroller (fathered by Lenny, although she hadn't told him!) - each
ended up with the other's child, without each other's knowledge
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Greek Chorus
Adoption of Max
Linda Ash/Judy Cum (Mira Sorvino) - Meeting Lenny at Her
Door
His Nervous First Encounter With Linda
Linda's Description of Her Life and Entry Into Porn
Linda's Confession That She Gave Away a Child for
Adoption
Ending: Meeting in Toy Store
Linda as Hairdresser, Living in Connecticut
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