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(National Lampoon's) Christmas
Vacation (1989)
In director Jeremiah S. Chechik's slapstick-filled
comedy with outrageous sight gags:
- the trek to the country on a Saturday to find the
most perfect X-mas tree, the Griswold Family Christmas Tree, by
family head Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) ("We're kicking off
our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country
in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty
of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas
symbols") - he was accompanied by his reluctant family members:
wife Ellen (Beverly D'Angelo), daughter Audrey (Juliette Lewis),
and son Russ "Rusty" (Johnny Galecki) - during the drive,
they played chicken with a small redneck-driven truck, and then
with a gigantic 18-wheeler logging vehicle (Ellen: "Clark!
We're stuck under a truck!"
- she began to recite a modified version of the Lord's Prayer)
- in knee-deep snow after trudging into a snowy forest
to cut down an oversized Christmas tree for their living room, Clark
informed his family: ("The most enduring traditions of the season
are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree
is a thymbol of the thpirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath");
the excitement diminished when Rusty asked: "Dad, did you bring
a saw?"
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Sighting X-Mas Tree:
"There it is!"
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Trek to Cut Down
Gigantic Christmas Tree
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- back home, Clark appeared in his garage, looking
like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre killer, with a chain-saw used
to resize the tree; after his neighbor Todd Chester (Nicholas Guest),
with his wife Margo (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) looked over and asked: "Hey,
Griswold! Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?" -
he rebuked them: "Bend over and I'll show ya" - inferring
that he was speaking to Margo
- the invitation to many in-laws to join them (Ellen's
parents, Clark's own parents Nora (Diane Ladd) and Clark Sr. (John
Randolph), and his Uncle Lewis (William Hickey) and senile Aunt Bethany
(Mae Questel)), including crazy Kansas redneck Cousin Eddie Johnson
(Randy Quaid)
- the sequence of sex-crazed Clark's visit to the mall,
where he nervously ogled busty lingerie clerk Mary (Nicolette Scorsese)
at the display counter, who asked: "Can I show you something?"
- with his reply about how cold it was: "Yes, yes it is, it's
a bit nipply out. I mean nippy out, ha, ha, ha. What did I say, nipple?
Huh, there is a nip in the air, though"; she also demonstrated
how her high-cut thong underwear didn't leave a line, as Clark bent
over to inspect her more closely: "These are cut really high on
the hip. Look, I'm wearing something similar. See? You can't see the
line"
- the over-the-top Christmas lights display on the
exterior of the house (Clark described earlier how excessive his
light display had become: "250 strands of lights, 100 individual
bulbs per strand, for a grand total of 25,000 imported Italian twinkle
lights"); the first attempt to light everything was a total
disaster
- and the moment the lights were finally turned on,
requiring auxiliary power from the utility company, and the electrocution
of the cat
The Failed Christmas Tree Lighting
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- the sequence of cousin Eddie explaining how his
Rottweiler dog named Snots had a sinus condition, and was also
sex-crazed: "You pet him on the belly and he'll love you till
the day you die...He's cute, ain't he? Only problem is, he's got
a little bit of Mississippi leg hound in him. If the mood catches
him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. You don't want
him around if you're wearing short pants, if you know what I mean.
A word of warning, though. If he does lay into ya, it's best to
just let him finish"
- the scene in which Clark had waxed his round silver
sled with a revolutionary grease (Clark: "A new non-caloric,
silicon-based kitchen lubricant my company's been working on. It
creates a surface 500 times more slippery than cooking oil. We'll
fly down the hill with this stuff"), although Eddie had encouraged
him not to: ("Don't go puttin' none of that stuff on my sled,
Clark. You know that metal plate in my head?... I had to have it
replaced, because every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I'd
piss in my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so. So over
at the VA, they had to replace it with a plastic one. It ain't as
strong, so, I don't know if I oughta go sailin' down no hill with
nothin' between the ground and my brain but a piece of government
plastic") - and Clark's unexpected streak of fire in the snow
after announcing: "Nothin' to worry about, Eddie. Going for
a new amateur recreational saucer sled land speed record. Clark W.
Griswold, Jr. Remember, don't try this at home, kids. I am a professional" -
he careened down a hillside and into oncoming traffic before crashing
in front of a Wal-Mart store
- the scene of Eddie (in his bathrobe) dumping his RV
trailer sewage into the street's storm drain (Eddie: "The shitter
was full!") - a disaster waiting to happen (Clark: "He
oughta know it's illegal. It's a storm sewer. If it fills with gas,
I pity the person who lights a match within ten yards of it")
- the traditional Christmas Eve turkey meal dinner
preceded by 80 year-old Aunt Bethany's (Mae Questel) "Grace" (actually,
the Pledge of Allegiance) and the cutting into the bone-dry bird:
(Clark: "If this turkey tastes half as good as it looks, I think
we're all in for a very big treat!" Eddie: "Save the neck
for me, Clark")
- Clark's angry rant about his Scrooge-like boss, Mr.
Shirley (Brian Doyle-Murray): ("I want him brought from his
happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other
rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon
on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want
to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing,
low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant,
blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless,
fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack
of monkey s--t he is! Hallelujah! Holy S--t! Where's the Tylenol?")
- a terrifying squirrel incident when the wild animal
was set loose in the Griswold house, causing massive destruction,
and ending up jumping onto the chest of neighbor Margo followed by
Snots
- Clark's determination to have a good old-fashioned
Christmas celebration, after all the disasters: "Where do you
think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this
fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no! We're all in this together.
This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna
press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since
Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f--kin' Kaye. And when Santa squeezes
his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the
jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse"
- Eddie's kidnapping of Mr. Shirley - (Clark had suggested
it as a "last-minute gift-idea" and Eddie took him seriously);
he was tied up with a big red bow on his chest; it was retaliation
for Clark not receiving a cash bonus, but a one year membership in
the Jelly-of-the-Month Club ("the gift that keeps on giving
the whole year"); a SWAT team was summoned and they stormed
the Griswold house, although Mr. Shirley changed his mind and reinstated
Clark's bonus
- two of the children saw a real shooting star and ran
outside, and everyone followed them; it was interpreted as the 'Christmas
Star' by a soppy and sentimental Clark: ("It's the Christmas
star. And that's all that matters tonight. Not bonuses or gifts or
turkeys or trees. See, kids, it means something different to everybody.
Now I know what it means to me"); Uncle Lewis retorted: "That
ain't the frigging Christmas star, Griz. It's the light on the sewage
treatment plant"; a final disaster occurred when Uncle Lewis
threw his lit match for his cigar down a storm drain, and the entire
sewage system destructively exploded (after Eddie had dumped raw
sewage down the drain)
- the blast sent Clark's flaming Santa-sleigh and reindeer
decoration across the sky in front of a full moon; as explosions
rocked the neighborhood, Aunt Bethany led a sing along of the National
Anthem ("And the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air")
as the film ended
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18 Wheel Logging Truck
Clark as Chain-Saw Killer
Clark to Lingerie Clerk: "It's a bit nipply out"
Lingerie Clerk Showing Off 'No Underwear' Line
Eddie's Warning About His Dog Snots: "Just let him
finish"
Waxed Sledding
Eddie Dumping RV Sewage Into Storm Drain
Grace Preceding Bone-Dry Turkey Meal
Clark's Rant About Boss Mr. Shirley
Squirrel Jumping Onto Neighbor's Chest
After Many Disasters, Clark's Statement: "...we're
gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas..."
SWAT Team Attack
Clark's Sentimental Interpretation of Christmas
Star
Clark's Santa Decorations Sent Sky-High
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