Best Film Speeches and Monologues
|Film Title/Year and Description of Film Speech/Monologue
Leaving Las Vegas (1995)
Screenwriter(s): Mike Figgis
I Could Fall In Love With You" - A Sexual Fantasy
Alcoholic Hollywood screenwriter Ben Sanderson
(Nicolas Cage) gave a liquor-soaked reverie while being strung-out
and needing a drink. At a bank, he was unable to sign a check
in front of a pretty blonde bank teller (Carey Lowell) that
he wanted to ask out to dinner. After having a few drinks at
lunch, he returned to the bank, and confidently spoke into
a hand-held recorder, trying to charm the blonde again (in
an imaginary fantasy, dreaming that he was appealing to her).
However, she declined his invitation, and shortly later, he
was fired from his job for his addiction:
Are you desirable? Are you irresistible?
Maybe if you drank bourbon with me, it would help. Maybe
if you kissed me and I could taste the sting in your mouth
it would help. If you drank bourbon with me naked. If you
smelled of bourbon as you f--ked me, it would help. It
would increase my esteem for you. If you poured bourbon
onto your naked body and said to me 'drink this.' If you
spread your legs and you had bourbon dripping from your
breasts and your pussy and said 'drink here,' then I could
fall in love with you. Because then I would have a purpose
- to clean you up. And that, that would prove that I'm
worth something. I'd lick you clean so that you could go
away and f--k someone else.
Screenwriter(s): Kevin Smith
Story About a Cat Stuck In One's Ass - To Get the Gerbil
Play clip (excerpt):
The opening voice-over of comic-book loving mallrat
Brodie (Jason Lee) about his cousin Walter:
One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck
in his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall,
so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing
for my relatives and all, but the next week, he did it
again. Different cat, same results, complete with another
trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later
in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to
him: 'Jesus, Walt! What are you doing? You know you're
just gonna get this cat stuck in your ass too. Why don't
you knock it off?' And he said to me: 'Brodie, how the
hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?' My cousin
was a weird guy.
Screenwriter(s): Kevin Smith
Man of Steel Coital Debate about Superman's Baby
Play clip (excerpt):
Later, Brodie (Jason Lee) debated with pal T.S.
Quint (Jeremy London) about the impossibility of Lois Lane
having Superman's baby:
(But they're engaged.) Doesn't matter, it
can't happen...It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's
baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes can handle the sperm?
I guarantee he blows a load like a shotgun right through
her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong
enough to carry his child?...He's an alien, for Christ
sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's
yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan, the kid could kick right
through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has
a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he
could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom.
That would kill him.
Screenwriter(s): Stephen J. Rivele, Christopher Wilkinson, Oliver
Won't Have Nixon to Kick Around Anymore"
After losing the 1962 California Governor's race
to Democratic incumbent Pat Brown, sweaty-faced Nixon (Anthony
Hopkins) delivered his memorable concession speech, declaring
it was his "last press conference":
I believe Governor Brown has a heart, even
though he believes I do not. I believe he's a good American,
even though he feels I am not. I'm proud of the fact that
I defended my opponent's patriotism. You gentlemen didn't
report it, but I'm proud that I did that. And I would appreciate
it for once, gentlemen, if you would just print what I
say. For sixteen years, ever since the Hiss case, you've
had a lot of fun - a lot of fun. But recognize you have
a responsibility, if you're against the candidate, to give
him the shaft, but if you do that, at least put one lonely
reporter on the campaign who will report what the candidate
says now and then. I think, all-in-all, I've given as good
as I've taken. But as I leave you I-I want you to know
-- just think what you're gonna be missing. You won't have
Nixon to kick around any more (echoes) - uh, uh,
because, gentlemen, this is my last press conference. Thank
you and good day.
Screenwriter(s): Stephen J. Rivele, Christopher
Wilkinson, Oliver Stone
Address to White House Staff and Cabinet
Play clip (excerpt):
Following US President Richard Nixon's fall from
power due to the Watergate scandal, he resigned with an address
to the country on August 8, 1974 before an impending impeachment,
and then delivered an impromptu and emotional farewell address
to his closest staff on August 9, 1974:
...There are many fine careers. This country
needs good farmers, good businessmen, good plumbers, good
carpenters. I remember my old man. I think that they would
have called him sort of a, sort of a little man, common
man. Well, he didn't consider himself that way. You know
what he was? He was a streetcar motorman first. Then he
was a farmer, and then he had a lemon ranch. It was the
poorest lemon ranch in California, I can assure you. He
sold it before they found oil on it. And then he was a
grocer. But he was a great man because he did his job,
and every job counts, up to the hilt, regardless of what
happened. Nobody will ever write a book, probably, about
my mother. Well, I guess all of you would say this about
your mother. But my mother was a saint. When I think of
her two boys dying of tuberculosis, and seeing each of
them die, and when they died. Yes, she will have no books
written about her. But, she was a saint. Now, however,
we look to the future. I remember something, uh, Theodore
Roosevelt wrote when his first wife died in his twenties.
He thought the light had gone from his life forever. But
he went on and he not only became President, but as an
ex-President he served his country, always in the arena,
tempestuous, strong, sometimes right, sometimes wrong,
but he was a man.
And as I leave, that's an example I think all
of us should remember. You see, we think sometimes when things
happen that don't go the right way, we think that when someone
dear to us dies, uh, when we lose an election, or when we
suffer defeat, that all is ended. Not true. It's only a beginning,
always, because the greatness comes not when things go always
good for you, but the greatness comes when you're really
tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments,
when sadness comes. Because only if you have been in the
deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to
be on the highest mountain. So, I say to you on this occasion,
we leave, proud of the people who have stood by us and worked
for us, and served this government and this country. We want
you to continue to serve in government, if that is what you
wish. Remember, always give your best. Never get discouraged.
Never be petty. And always remember: Others may hate you,
but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them, and
then, you destroy yourself. And so we leave with high hopes
and good spirits and deep humility. And I say to each and
every one of you, not only will we always remember you, but
always you will be in our hearts, and you will be in our
Richard III (1995)
Screenwriter(s): Ian McKellen, Richard Loncraine
Is The Winter of our Discontent" Speech
The film, set in a fictional 1930s fascist England,
opened with a wordless scene. A tank crashed through the war-room
headquarters of reigning King Henry VI (Edward Jewesbury) and
his troops, where the elderly king and his young son Edward,
the Prince of Wales, were murdered by hunchbacked and limping,
treacherous and power-lusting Richard III (Ian McKellen) of
The army's commander-in-chief in uniform, Richard
III then delivered the ''winter of our discontent'' victory
speech into a microphone, a public address before his entire
family and guests at a royal Victory Ball, when King Edward
IV (John Wood) was on the throne (a pun - "this son of
York"), and about to be overthrown:
Now is the winter of our discontent made
glorious summer by this sun of York. And all the clouds
that loured upon our house, In the deep bosom of the ocean
buried. Now are our brows bound with victorious wreaths.
Our bruised arms hung up for monuments. Our stern alarums
chang'd to merry meetings, Our dreadful marches to delightful
measures. (applause) Grim-visaged war has smoothed
his wrinkled front. And now, instead of mounting barbed
steads, To fight the souls of fearful adversaries. He -
He finished the monologue mumbling and standing
at a lavatory urinal in a stately washroom, and then washed
his hands and dried them. After speaking to his own mirrored
reflection at the washbasin, he delivered his final line in
the washroom by turning and directly addressing the camera:
capers nimbly in a lady's chamber, To the
lascivious pleasing of a lute. But I - that am not shap'd
for sportive tricks, Nor made to court an amorous looking-glass,
I - that am rudely stamped - Deformed, unfinished, sent
before my time, Into this breathing world scarce half made
up, And that so lamely and unfashionable That dogs bark
at me as I halt by them. Why, I, in this weak piping time
of peace, Have no delight to pass away the time, Unless
to spy my shadow in the sun, And descant on my own deformity.
Why I can smile; and murder while I smile; And wet my cheeks
with artificial tears, And frame my face to all occasions.
(To camera) And, therefore, since I cannot prove
a lover, I am determined to prove a villain, And hate the
idle pleasures of these days. Plots have I laid, (After
leaving the restroom, Richard III was on the walkway of
the palace) To set my brothers, Clarence and King Edward,
In deadly hate, the one against the other.
Screenwriter(s): Andrew Kevin Walker
Serial killer John Doe (Kevin Spacey) admitted
his grisly final misdeed to married detective David Mills (Brad
I wish I could have lived like you, David...Do
you hear me, detective? I'm trying to tell you how much
I admire you and your pretty wife...Tracy...It's disturbing
how easily a member of the press can purchase information
from the men in your precinct... I visited your home this
morning after you'd left. I tried to play husband. I tried
to taste the life of a simple man. It didn't work out.
So I took a souvenir: Her pretty head...Because I envy
your normal life, it seems that envy is my sin...She begged
for her life, detectives...She begged for her life and
for the life of the baby inside of her. Oh! (turning
to Det. Somerset (Morgan Freeman)) He didn't know.
Tommy Boy (1995)
Screenwriter(s): Bonnie Turner, Terry Turner
Desktop Demo - A Manic Sales Pitch to An Auto Executive
With his assistant Richard (David Spade) watching,
loud-mouthed, dim-witted idiot child Tommy Boy Callahan (Chris
Farley) re-enacted a car crash (with expensive model cars)
to a car executive, in a sales pitch to sell brake pads. The
demo was performed on his desk:
Uh, what my associate is trying say is that,
uh... Our new brake pads are really cool. You're not even
gonna believe it. Like, uhm, let's say you're driving along
the road with your family. (He picked up a model car)
And you're drivin' along, la-de-da, woo. Then, all of a
sudden, there's a truck tire in the middle of the road.
And you hit the brakes. EEEEEEEEE! Whoa, that was close.
Ha-ha. Now let's see what happens when you're drivin' with
the 'other guy's' brake pads. You're drivin' along, you're
drivin' along, and then all of a sudden, the kids are yellin'
from the back seat: 'I gotta go to the bathroom, Daddy!'
'Not now, damn it!' Truck tire. 'EEEEEEEE! I CAN'T STOP!'
(He slammed the model car into a lighter) 'HELP!
There's a cliff! AAAAAHH!' And your family's screamin'.
(He set the model car on fire) 'Oh my God, we're
burnin' alive!' 'No! I can't feel my legs!' Here comes
the meat wagon. (He imitated a siren sound) And
the medic gets out and says: 'Oh, my God!' New guy's in
the corner pukin' his guts out. (He imitated a puking
sound) All because you want to save a couple extra
pennies. Ha, ha. And to me, it doesn't...
Tommy Boy (1995)
Screenwriter(s): Bonnie Turner, Terry Turner
I Suck As A Salesman - "I Killed My Sale!"
To a waitress named Helen (Maria Vacratsis),
after he had been denied food, Tommy Boy (Chris Farley) manically
described how he blew a sale:
That's nice, you look like a Helen. Helen,
we're both in sales. Let me tell you why I suck as a salesman.
Let's say I go into some guy's office, and let's say he's
even remotely interested in buyin' something. Well, then
I get all excited. I'm like JoJo, the Indian circus boy,
with a pretty new pet. (He picked up a dinner roll)
The pet is my possible sale. Oh my pretty little pet, I
love you. So I stroke it, and I pet it, and I massage it.
Hehe, I love it, I love my little naughty pet. (He playfully
poked the roll) You're naughty! And then I take my
naughty pet and I go... (He tore the dinner roll in
two) Uuuuuuh! I killed it! I killed my sale! And that's
when I blow it. That's when people like us have gotta forge
ahead, Helen. Am I right?
She responded: "God, you're sick."
Twelve Monkeys (aka 12 Monkeys)
Screenwriter(s): David Webb Peoples, Janet Peoples
You Aren't a Consumer, You're Mentally Ill!
When mentally-unstable prison convict James Cole
(Bruce Willis) was sent back in time from the virus-plagued,
post-apocalyptic world of 2035 to 1996, he was placed in a
mental institution. He was introduced to eccentric, insane
animal activist Jeffrey Goines (Brad Pitt) who was instructed
to tell Jim about the rules and show him around. As they toured
the facility, Goines pointed out patients who were playing
various board games. He then expounded on consumerism and became
more and more hysterical as he talked:
Games, games. Here's some games. Games you
wanna get out. Ha! See, more games. Games, they vegitize
you. If you play the games, you're voluntarily taking a
tranquilizer...Drugs! What'd they give you? Thorazine?
Haldol? How much? Learn your drugs - know your doses. It's
Telephone call? Telephone call? That's communication
with the outside world. Doctor's discretion. Nuh-uh.
Look, hey - if all of these nuts could just make phone calls,
they could spread insanity, oozing through telephone cables,
oozing into the ears of all these poor sane people, infecting
them. Wackos everywhere, a plague of madness. In fact, very
few, very few of us here are actually mentally ill. I'm not
saying you're not mentally ill, for all I know, you're crazy
as a loon. But that's not why you're here. That's not why
you're here. That's not why you're here! You're here because
of the system.
There's the television. It's all right there
- all right there. Look, listen, kneel, pray. Commercials!
We're not productive anymore. We don't make things anymore.
It's all automated. What are we for then? We're consumers.
Yeah. Okay, okay. Buy a lot of stuff, you're a good citizen.
But if you don't buy a lot of stuff, if you don't, what are
you then, I ask you? What? Mentally ill. Fact, Jim, fact
- if you don't buy things: toilet paper, new cars, computerized
yo-yos, electrically-operated sexual devices, stereo systems
with brain-implanted headphones, screwdrivers with miniature
built-in radar devices, voice-activated computers...
So if you want to watch a particular television
program, say 'All My Children' or something, you go to the
Charge Nurse and tell her day and time the show you want
to see is on. But you have to tell her before the show is
scheduled to be on. There's this guy and he's always requesting
shows that had already played. Yes, no. You have to tell
her before. He couldn't quite grasp the idea that the Charge
Nurse couldn't make it be yesterday. She couldn't turn back
time, thank you, Einstein. Now he, he was nuts. He was a
The Usual Suspects
Screenwriter(s): Christopher McQuarrie
Spook Story -- Who Was Keyser Soze? - "The Greatest
Trick the Devil Ever Pulled Was Convincing The World He Didn't
During a questioning scene, limping, weaselly
con man Roger "Verbal" Kint (Oscar-winning Kevin
Spacey) was interrogated by customs agent/officer Dave Kujan
(Chazz Palminteri). Intercut with flashbacks, Kint told a lengthy,
wily tale of the notorious, mysterious, devilish crime lord
Keyser Soze's early life, including his description of the
criminal mastermind's cold-blooded dealings with Hungarian
rivals by killing his own family and seeking revenge - followed
by his disappearance:
He was supposed to be Turkish. Some say
his father was German. Nobody ever believed he was real.
Nobody ever knew him or saw anybody that ever worked directly
for him. But to hear Kobayashi tell it, anybody could have
worked for Soze. You never knew. That was his power. The
greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the
world he didn't exist. One story the guys told me, the
story I believe, was from his days in Turkey. There was
a gang of Hungarians that wanted their own mob. They realized
that to be in power, you didn't need guns or money or even
numbers. You just needed the will to do what the other
guy wouldn't. After a while, they come into power and then
they come after Soze. He was small-time then, just running
dope, they say.
They come to his home in the afternoon, looking
for his business. They find his wife and kids in the house
and decide to wait for Soze. He comes home to find his wife
raped and children screaming. The Hungarians knew Soze was
tough, not to be trifled with, so they let him know they
meant business. They tell him they want his territory, all
his business. Soze looks over the faces of his family. Then
he showed these men of will what will really was. He tells
them he would rather see his family dead than live another
day after this. He lets the last Hungarian go. He waits until
his wife and kids are in the ground, and then he goes after
the rest of the mob. He kills their kids. He kills their
wives. He kills their parents and their parents' friends.
He burns down the houses they live in and the stores they
work in. He kills people that owe him money. And like that,
he's gone. (He blew on his fingers, as if to say 'Poof!')
Underground. Nobody's ever seen him since. He becomes a myth,
a spook story that criminals tell their kids at night. 'Rat
on your pop and Keyser Soze will get ya.' And no one ever
After the agent asked: "Do you believe in
him, Verbal?", he replied:
Keaton always said, 'I don't believe in God,
but I'm afraid of him.' Well, I believe in God, and the
only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze.